A giving woman that refuses to take ?

In My Humble Opinion
1

For a few months I have been dating a woman that almost always refuses to allow me to do anything for her.
Dinner, transportation, shopping and almost any other situation she almost always tries to pay.
Her birthday was last week, but she refused to allow me to do anything for her
I have tried giving her small gifts, but she will not accept them.

She is a never married divorce attorney in her 40’s with no kids.
There is no evidence or suspicions of another man.

I was recently in the hospital for minor surgery, and she surprised me with arranging all the transportation and visits and bringing me food.
We live in China, so I take trains, and she drives her car.

But, despite many sweet words and a lot of affection she tells me that I am her “good friend”.
She admits that she does not want to end up old and alone like her mother, but also since she a divorce attorney she has seen far too many relationships turn to Hell, and so she is scared of becoming too serious.

I am older than her, no kids, and same as her, I do not want any kids.
Finances are not a problem for me, and I would be more comfortable with sharing expenses or my paying for most things.

I am very happy with her, but I would be much happier having a conversation where we decided to have a more committed relationship.
I have talked with her and told her how happy I am with her. She tells me that she is happy also, but that she does not have many plans for her future since it might be ok if she never married. These conversations tend to happen in bed, and she does exhibit a few signs of a mild depression.

I feel very lucky to have found such a very sweet person, but I am confused.

Thoughts… ?

2

Here’s my bad-news take. She’s holding back from from you.

She’s exhibiting behaviours that people do to each other when they like where they are for the time being but don’t have an overwhelming compulsion to increase commitment. If she met ‘the man of her dreams’ she may behave totally differently.

I think the piece about being a divorce attorney is probably a red herring.

There may be cultural elements to her motivation for being like that, but the outcome and behaviours are the same.

Sorry man. Bear in mind it’s just my take, anyway.

3

Definitely a possibility, and it has crossed my mind a few times.

4

Take it as it comes. Things will work out or they won’t but wishing for things to be a certain way will not make them happen.

Just enjoy what you’ve got at the time.

5

If I really liked someone but didn’t want to feel beholden to them or encourage a commitment, I’d probably behave like she’s behaving. Even though she’s sleeping with you, she’s holding back, keeping some control.

“A few months” isn’t very long. Give it time. When she sees that she can trust you, that you aren’t using gifts or favors as a way of controlling her, she’ll let you do things for her.