I’m sick. Yup. I’ve been sick since the very first day of Midterms. Nose is either runny or stocked up or oh so very dry and painful, and the throat is horribly sore. Calling in sick was obviously a not so good idea, it being Midterms and all. Would look mighty suspicious indeed. The only course is to suffer through it all. But that’s not the calamity in question, but I’ll get to that later.
“I need lozenges!” I cried out on my way to my Bio exam, but to no luck, none had any. So cometh the night and I thought I was going to die. Yup. I even used it as my AIM away message “I’m DYING!”. Did anyone IM poor suffering me? 'Course not.
So when I get home today after more exams I feel distraught. See, it being after a final most young people of my town hang out around the center of town. I figured I coulda easily taken the bus near there and walked the half mile or so there. But I had no certain ride home; so I decided against it and took my usual bus home. So there I was at home alone with nearly everyone having a good time but me, as is usually the case with such stories.
So anyways because I am sick I think “how thirsty I am!” and go for a drink. Now water is fine, but since I was sick I needed something healthy to go for. Luckily Capri Sun[sup]TM[/sup] was there in the freezer. Sick-need vitamins-Capri Sun is a ‘Flavored Juice Blend’, that has vitamins I’ll bet, and it’s from Concentrate too. I don’t know about this Concentrate fellow, but it must make it even better.
Now as I was preparing to drink the benefits of making such a wise choice in my wholesome daily diet I drop the straw. You know, the damn yellow tube that a five year old can get into the designated hole but you can’t except for that one time when you sort of almost did but the high fructose corn syrup squirted right into your fooking eye causing painful blindness and newfound religious convictions expressed verbally. I just stared mouth agape in horror while it flipped over once and then hit the ground with a deafening thud. How horrible.
Now, therein lies the conundrum. That was my only means of breaking through the force field barrier surrounding the Pacific Cooler[sup]TM[/sup] flavored liquidness. Without it I cannot reach it because gnawing won’t break through; neither will scratching it, using a rock to smash it just won’t do. So that’s it, lying on the ground. I was outside too, mind you. So I don’t know so much about the “five second rule”, pal.
What should be done in this situation? Pick up the straw, dust if off, and drink to good health? Or should the wasteful route and say “oh well” and just toss the Pacific Cooler[sup]TM[/sup] into the trash. But I don’t wanna waste the stuff, man. Or should I find a replacement straw, somehow? But what if I was adventurous enough and went back for another Capri Sun[sup]TM[/sup] so that then I’d have a straw, yes, a straw to drink the original; but then I’d also be faced with the task of two pouches of the stuff. That’s 13.5 fluid ounces there, pal! About 400 milliliters of juice! Do you know how much that is? They don’t even sell Heroin in that kind of volume! That might just be too much to ask someone to take.
So, I’m stuck in this giant impasse.
