That’s because that option was not presented.
The “anyone” option makes it too broad to be used as there are a few replies that express the very sentiment you just expressed in your quote, but that doesn’t fit the “**anyone **of another religion” sentiment. Because if you can pray with someone of Z religion but not someone of Y religion, then obviously it’s not just anyone you won’t pray with but a specific group, hence my issue with the wording.
I see plenty of replies in this thread that I would categorize as “I belong to Religion X and I would refuse to pray with anyone of a significantly different faith.”
Seriously people. There’s a person crying in front of asking for something that would comfort them, and your response would be, “Nope, sorry, if I did that it would be lying, but I hope you feel better soon anyway”? As someone already posted above, in that moment it shouldn’t be about you and your principles. It’s about offering some comfort to a fellow human being. The point of comfort is trying to make someone ELSE feel better. Even if it’s meaningless to you, it wouldn’t be to them.
But if your principles are more important to you than making someone else feel even a little bit better in a time of distress, hey, whatever floats your boat.
I’m an atheist, but not as militant or unaccepting (hmm, not exactly what I mean…) as some other posters in this thread. If I were grieving and a religious person came up and offered their arms or hand and said they were praying for me, I would accept it with thanks and without question. Seems that some of the atheists here would be like screw you, that means nothing…sort of thing. Hope I’m wrong. Good intentions and comforting thoughts should count for something, even if your beliefs aren’t the same, right?
I think that’s slightly the point of some religions- there are rules that explicitly state what you can and cannot do, and some people do not feel comfortable crossing those lines as that would violate their religious principles or their atheistic principles.
It’s amusing to me in a way- as Atheists and the Highly religious both can get fanatical on some very similar points.
Though the fact that people are saying such things- I don’t view anything wrong it in an aggressive way. I mean it’s kind of a bummer to know that people some people don’t want to comfort you because of your beliefs, but that’s always present in almost every society you go to where one group’s norms don’t associate with another.
(Though I will admit I did laugh at the won’t pray with Hindus comment)
Maybe I’m missing it, but I don’t see anyone here who’s saying that.
From what I’m seeing, we have:
Atheists who say they wouldn’t say a prayer, but they’d sit and hold hands and offer comfort.
Atheists who say they would pray with the person, but by that they mean they’d sit and hold hands and offer comfort and close their eyes while the other person prays.
Religious people who say they’d pray with the person, but the prayer would be addressed to their (the poster’s) specific deity.
I didn’t see anyone who said they’d try to make some sort of point or would deny the grieving person comfort.
If the circumstances are as you describe, then there are only two reasons I can imagine refusing:
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The grieving person is a stranger on the street who tells me this story without premable then grabs my hands and I’m suspicious that they’re using this as a ruse to rob me. Even then I’d be polite about it. Maybe even pray or promise to pray but not let them clasp my hands, which would be keeping my hands away from my pockets.
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The grieving person is akin to Hitler in their former behaviour.
Otherwise, Hell (NPI), it’s just like going ‘there, there,’ or assuring them that yes, they’re right - their loved one probably didn’t feel any pain when the lorry ran over them.
I’ve been to funerals which had religious elements and bowed my head at the appropriate times. It’s not about respect for religion, but respect for people.
If someone wanted me to lead a prayer, well…they’re presuming a lot, and so couldn’t be offended if what I did was totally off-base from what they expected. I’d have to be very generic.
If someone wanted me to join THEM in prayer, then no problem whatsoever. Everyone can use a spiritual hug, and there is no way in…anywhere possibly negative where your possible soul might possibly burn forever…<Jersey?> that I’d deny someone asking for help that way.
Atheist. I’d pray with anyone, out of a mixture of respect and cowardice to refuse the request. I wouldn’t actually pray though, as in having a conversation with a deity, nor would I give any words of prayer… barring my parents. Then I might lead a brief eulogy.
Fair enough, you’re probably right. Perhaps I am misinterpreting some of the statements.
It’s better to give people the benefit of the doubt, I suppose.
“Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours.” - commonly attributed to Richard Bach, but he was hardly the first to express the idea.
Maybe you don’t see how it can be done, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be.
Wow, what a petty God she believes in! I don’t promise to pray, nor do I make visible prayers save that I am quiet and bow my head when in a group called to prayer. I don’t close my eyes or hold my hands together.
Well that was rather insulting.
I’m no militant atheist, but no, I’m not going to lie to anyone to comfort them. I’ve already been through this situation many times, and I know my usual reaction is a compassionate hug and an offer for anything I can do that will actually HELP instead of empty words, soothing or not. I’m not going to pray to a god that doesn’t exist though, nor would I ever hurt another person by asking them to renounce a god just because I want some comfort. If someone says they’re praying for me I won’t go off, I won’t say anything but thank you despite the fact that it BOTHERS me instead of helping, and brings me no comfort whereas a hug and offer to help me would make ME feel better.
Does that make sense to you?
I do what I can, what is real to me.
And I’ll tell you this. Anyone begging me to pray, knowing I’m not a believer in their god, and then gets mad when I refuse is an ASS who doesn’t deserve my sympathy in the first place. I don’t have time for such people, and believe me, I have family members like this who care so little about my feelings during painful times they’ll come right out and say things like “Too bad your mom wasn’t saved”, or “Do you want to go to hell like your mom?” and those are the types who would demand my prayers.
Good intentions and comfort should be more than empty gestures.
Somehow I read Hazle and** Hazel’s** posts together and didn’t realize it at the time. Sorry I combined my comments in what may have been a confusing way.
:smack: Er, I meant what it actually says in the poll.
You left out “I fake pray.” When my in-laws call grace, I hold hands, but do not bow my head or anything. I sit there drooling over the turkey. If someone asked me to actually pray with them, I’d probably do the same, assuming that the pray-er had closed eyes.
joe
[tangent] I was raised agnostic, but my mom’s family tradition is to sing the Doxology around the table before eating the Thanksgiving or Christmas feast. I enjoy singing and doing 3 or 4 part harmonies, but I do sing the lyrics instead of just humming even though the lyrics are meaningless to me. What has meaning to me in that context is the piece of music itself, along with the desire to make my family happy because they like to hear me sing. It is a compromise that works out well for everyone.[/tangent]
Maybe we’re all bringing our personal baggage into this imagined situation. All I know is this - if it were a stranger or a casual acquaintance, I would just hold their hands and bow my head with them. If they tried to press me to say something out loud in prayer, I’d just say something like, “Sorry, I’m not very good at this, why don’t you lead, I’m right here for you.” Or something.
It’s not about what feels real to ME. I’m not the one needing comfort here. If offering a bit of comfort means I have to go through some empty gestures, then whatever. As long as it makes THEM feel better, I don’t really care.
If my mom, who is Catholic, asked me to pray with her out of grief, I’d do it even though I no longer consider myself Catholic, because I know she isn’t asking me to needle me about my beliefs or lack thereof, but simply because she wants comfort. My parents have never pressed me about my religion or insinuated that I’m doomed because I no longer go to church. So I don’t feel like there’s some kind of hidden agenda there.
I feel like a few people in this thread feel like their relatives asked them for prayer during a time of mourning, it would be some kind of personal insult or an attempt to push religion on them. And maybe it would be, if that’s the kind of people they are or that’s the kind of relationship they have with you. If they have some intent other than simply asking for comfort, I feel like that’s a different issue altogether. Maybe the poll would have worked better if it was just about strangers rather than people we know.
When my mother died, I had to do a lot of handholding while people prayed for me and my family. I could go along to comfort someone else.
I would not pray any prayer which conflicts with my own religious beliefs, but all religions are fundamentally similar enough that there’s plenty of room for prayers that religions would not disagree on. So, for instance, I would not participate in a prayer that went something like “Oh great Odin, who hung from the tree of Yggdrasil to gain wisdom, please give guidance to my friend X”, but on the other hand, “Oh great giver of wisdom, who teaches the path of truth, please give guidance to my friend X” would be no problem. And, of course, if it’s just silent prayer, or each person praying in their own words (which would be most likely anyway: Why would a member of a different religion expect I would even know any of their prayers?), then the problem wouldn’t come up at all.