I won’t weigh in about notifying his parents, but I do know from sad experience that the administration and faculty at that school are very, very reluctant, to say the least, to take necessary measures to discourage any of the fine young men in the student body from doing…anything, really. However, Ninja, unlike me, or my roommate, or my friend, at least has self-defense skills. She’ll just have to rely on herself. And if it comes to it, don’t even bother with administration. Go right to the local police.
I know how scary that must have been, I’ve [thread=370431]been there[/thread] too! I’m very glad you are safe.
I can’t believe how common this type of thing is…so many in this thread have been violated. It’s hard to comprehend.
It seemed like I would read about an event like this maybe once a semester in my campus crimelog. I always thought it was funny because drunk people can be so stupid, but I never really thought about the poor people inside the rooms who were no doubt scared. I think you did the right thing by calling campus security. I would hesitate to contact the local police unless you were really scarred for life and wanted some sort of “justice” (like maybe him getting probation, or you getting a restraining order). I would likely forgive him and let it slide.
No chance of off-campus; I’ve already turned in my housing deposit (no car so on-campus is way more convenient for me.)
If it happens again I will make a fuss, but at this point I’m writing it off as a drunk guy who had no ill intent. He lives in the room directly above mine, so he wasn’t that bad-off. I’m not going to make an issue out of it now.
They have been cracking down on drinking and such on-campus lately, which basically means handing out fines to anyone underage who gets caught with a beer in their hand, regardless of whether or not they’re causing problems.
Never, ever dismiss your fear on account you “sort of know the guy,” and that he was “drunk and disoriented.” That excuse can get you attacked, raped, or even killed.
You should never have to be in fear from your life at any time, let alone in the relative safety of your home, dorm room or whatever, and especially so with people you sort of know. Not to lecture you but check out the local women’s support network you should have on campus. I’m sure they will have some stats handy about women who have been attacked, or worse, by people they [sort of] know, drunk or otherwise. Such encounters are more more prevalent than you might ever hear about.
I’m glad you got the doorknob/lock fixed.
On suggestion. Get a whistle and hang it somewhere in your room. If you ever are in fear for your life, call security and while waiting for them, be prepared to blow the whistle long and loud as to arouse your neighbors.
Underage drinking my ass, he violently tried to enter someone elses room, and he should receive the same punishment as if here were sober, plus the underage drinking fine. I would go to the police as well, and I would also go to my Dean of Student Life (or the equivalent), and demand to know how I could be sure that this would not happen again. Even if OP is convinced that this particular guy won’t do anything again, the point is that there should be a stronger punishment when such an incident occurs. The message sent now is that drunkeness is an excuse for aggressive behaviour.
I’m amazed at how many times people have been through this. I’ve had inebriated people show up at my door twice:
Once in the house where I grew up (in a college neighborhood); the guy was tripping on Lord knows what. Kept asking me to let him in. I went to the kitchen and quietly called the cops. Unfortunately, he gave up and went elsewhere while they were on their way.
Second time a guy was pounding on the neighbor’s door (across the hall from mine). She wasn’t home and he wouldn’t go away and was clearly out of it. I called 911 and they came to collect him. Turned out he was the neighbor’s extremely drunk ex.
Sounds like you reacted appropriately, NinjaChick! Glad you’re OK.
You want fucked up? My RA this year had the same thing happen to him. Guy comes in drunk, thinking it’s his room. Guy gets pissed off because RA is in his supposed room. Guy pulls knife on RA. RA calmly nudges the guy out the door and contacts authorities. In the morning, head staff person has a talking too with RA. What if his parents found out you had your hands on him? Wouldn’t they be upset?
RA is forced to resign. Kid doesn’t even get a talking to.
That’s just wrong. That’s just like seventeen kinds of wrong.
My story: when I was in law school, I lived in an apartment building over a bar. Middle of the night, some guy comes to my door, pounds on it, and begs to come in. I’m completely freaked out. I yell at him through the door to go away. Eventually he stops pounding, and I figure he’s left, so I go back to bed.
In the morning (fortunately, after I was up), I hear a key in the lock. Drunk guy has apparently spent the night slumped on the floor next to my door. When the super is making round in the morning, he finds the guy, who tells the super, I locked myself out, please let me in. The super, who’s a nice guy, knows who lives in the building but is fuzzy on who lives where, unlocks my door to let the guy in.
So there I am, in my kitchen making coffee, when the door – right next to the kitchen – opens. This moment probably ranks in my top five most scary moments ever. The super almost immediately realizes his mistake (the freaked out look on my face was probably pretty helpful), and apologizes as he shuts the door.
So I call management, and they make the drunk guy come and apologize to me. I’m thinking, I recognize that this is his penance, and he should be doing penance, but why punish me as well? His apology ranks in my top five most awkward moments ever. I’ll also say this: when he came to apologize, I didn’t recognize the clean-shaven guy in the suit as the drunk asshole trying to break into my place. So as his clean-shaven self, when he knocked on the door, I opened right up. That kind of scared me, too, when I realized who it was.
Glad you’re safe, NinjaChick, and while I agree that one should be self-protective, I also understand why you’re not going all agro on this guy.
[QUOTE=Duckster]
Never, ever dismiss your fear on account you “sort of know the guy,” and that he was “drunk and disoriented.” That excuse can get you attacked, raped, or even killed.
You should never have to be in fear from your life at any time, let alone in the relative safety of your home, dorm room or whatever, and especially so with people you sort of know. Not to lecture you but check out the local women’s support network you should have on campus. I’m sure they will have some stats handy about women who have been attacked, or worse, by people they [sort of] know, drunk or otherwise. Such encounters are more more prevalent than you might ever hear about.
[quote]
This I absolutely know, believe me - the majority of sexual assaults happen between people who know each other, etc.
Me too, and I feel really stupid for not having had that done as soon as I moved in. Locks are a good thing.
This is an excellent suggestion - I’ve got a whistle that lives on my keyring. Carrying some sort of “loud noise now” device is probably one of the simplest and most effective self-defense steps you can take: if the worst should happen it helps not just summon help, but a rescue whistle blown right in someone’s ear is going to throw them off, however slightly.
I’m surprised by how many people have similar stories to this - excessive drinking is just bad news all around.
Hah, you and I think too much alike. I had the most fantastic mental image in my head when she said “the only thing I can think of: scream for him to fuck off, and kick the door shut as hard as I can, which thankfully threw him off balance and made him stop.” It was like Chun-Li in pajamas whacking a door so hard that the guy flew all the way down the hall like a guy in a movie on stunt wires.
I’m so very sorry this happened, NinjaChick. Your experiance is chilling and it will remind me not to send my kids off to school without a security door bar each.
Its not perfect & it won’t keep a determined person with a battering-ram out of your room, but its $10 to help ensure a secure nights sleep.
Hah. I sincerely doubt I came across as fearful. Note that I mentioned my size, and the squinting behind four-year-old glasses while clad in nothing but an oversize t-shirt and short-shorts probably didn’t help.
At least I had enough sense to put my robe on before the security guys got there (and the token young hot guy only works days, thankfully, though I have embarrassed myself in a creative way in front of him before…)
NinjaChick,
I know whereof Rilchiam speaks and I, also, long ago had a close squeak on that self-same campus. Not that I think it is a more violent or dangerous place than most colleges, but it is weirder, both in terms of student antics (and worse than antics) and in the strange administrative culture that makes it unpredictable how much and what kind of official attention will be paid to any particular infraction or offense. That’s getting to be a big deal in the minds of alumni or, to put it in a way that may be more useful in communicating with the administration, donors and prospective donors. If you ever wish to report a crime, report it directly to the police. This creates a record over which the school has no PR control, and will, if appropriate, initiate and investigation – one of the hardest things to get going at the school. It’s the most important and formative institution in my life and I would do anything I could for it, out of love, including kick its ass as necesary to encourage it to reform. Say the word, if you think the school has failed you in any way, and I’ll start making weekend, at-home calls to members of the Board of Visitors and Governors. These issues of safety and general human decency are my biggest concerns about a school that is the only one that even tries to do what it claims to accomplish. If they don’t get it right, nobody will. And, they fall short of glory way, way too often.