Poor, poor darlings. It truely must suck to live under the burden of being you. I mean, as I sit here, I am thoroughly whealmed. Let’s review, for the one kid on your floor that nobody talks to.
You put up Christmas decorations. Bloody good for you. Holiday spirit, yayfun. True, some of us thought you were stretching it when you would wait by the mistletoe and try to harrass people in to kissing, but that stopped with one complaint.
Yes, the third floor decided to steal your decorations at 6:30 this morning. Some of them. There were fourth floor people involved as well. Funny, wasn’t it? Especially the grinch parody that was written. Good stuff. No harm done, funny, ha ha.
I’m just wondering what kind of drugs (in the substance free dorm, no less) that you were doing that made you think that at 6:45 in the morning:
running down the halls, screaming Jingle Bells
spraying every available surface with shaving cream
soaking everyone who stuck their heads out
opening doors and squirting shaving cream and water into the rooms of anyone who left their door unlocked
was even REMOTELY a good idea? Especially during exam time? There are people who have 8:00 exams today. You woke up the entire building- even the basement. Trust me, we’re ever so impressed. Especially those who have nothing to do with it who had to clean the shaving cream off of their doors. I love starting my morning by cleaning off pictures.
BTW, have you ever met our janitor, Deb? Nice woman. She’s overworked as it is. She’s going to love getting out what we couldn’t from the carpet, I’m sure.
Oh, wait. Silly me, I’m forgetting what seem to be the cardinal rules of an Ivy League College when you are of stock exemplified by your floor:
Never consider what the hired help has to do.
Since my daddy went here and is paying, I have the right to do whatever I want to.
Petty vandalism? Forced entry? Pshaw! Such rules don’t apply to me!
I’m sure some of you are congratulating yourselves. Fine. The rest of the dorm, meanwhile, thinks that you’re utter assholes. There could quite possibly be a reason for this.
My one question- how did you manage to run up and down the halls? It must be difficult, what with your heads shoved so far up your asses. And don’t worry, if you call daddy, he’ll be able to explain the big words in this post to you.
::walks into thread, seeing andygirl wrote OP and thus it must be worth his time::
::hugs andygirl, who is sweaty from cleaning up gook and gunk (not to mention wet geek) from off various unfun surfaces::
::flicks off Ivy-league scum and farts in their general direction::
::finds the door of one of the guilty and signs his initials in urine::
::praises colon key for being good::
This was, of course, the kind of scene we had in my dorm a few weeks ago, sans Christmas. Someone thought it’d be fun to play with the fire extinguishers.
Those things sting your eyes hours after they’ve dried. On the carpet. At 3 AM. When it’s 35 degrees outside and the cleaning people have better things to do than take care of assholes who don’t understand the meaning of the phrase “for emergencies only”.
No, fuckwads, your boredom does not qualify as an emergency. No, even if your girlfriend is asleep and you don’t want to walk up to her floor and get a sympathy lay.
In hte dead of night, you can pour cornstarch across the crack beneath their door…with a straw and a little lung power, you can blow it all over them. (and it vaccuums out!)
Or, go door to door every morning, (take turns among the other pissed off folks) and at 4 am, go wake all of them, (ask them for a tampon or something) then go back an hour later and wake them all up saying you lost your contact lense - make them help you look before you can leave their rooms.
Leaner: fill a waste paper can full of water - icy will do - and lean it against their door, then knock and run. When they open it, their feet/floor/carpet gets soaked.
(I did this once with HOT water, and a whole box of laundry soap - impossible to clean!! It was their own carpet though, no janitor had to do it)
Shortsheet beds when you find doors unlocked.
Change all the clocks in their rooms.
Tell them that classes are cancelled because of the snow (when they are not)
If they try to retaliate, post a sentry on your floor.
For that matter, get one of those stupid room guards, or garden frogs that croak when you pass htem, or a singing bass!!! Then if they head down your hall, BUSTED!!
Leaner: fill a waste paper can full of water - icy will do - and lean it against their door, then knock and run. When they open it, their feet/floor/carpet gets soaked.
(I did this once with HOT water, and a whole box of laundry soap - impossible to clean!! It was their own carpet though, no janitor had to do it)
Shortsheet beds when you find doors unlocked.
Change all the clocks in their rooms.
These are classics. They work. Do this as often as possible. Now then, for some more revenge ideas:
Get some KY Jelly or Vasaline (KY Jelly if you want to be nice, so they can wash it off with water) and smear it on their doorknobs and (if you have access) the lenses of their glasses, or the windshield of their cars (use KY for this last one, so it can wash off, you don’t want to cause an accident).
Get a large box, wrap it in plain brown paper. Make it look as real as possible as if it had been sent UPS or something. Put markings all over the box that read somewhere along the lines of: “14 inch double-headed dildo, Item #153976, shipping address yada yada yada” or “Product ID #75206F Inflatable Man Doll w/ motorized tongue” Leave this sitting outside their door. Make sure the words are large and legible.
I’ll be back when I remember some more of the stupid stuff we used to do to each other.
If you want to be a real asshole, give them a 12 pack as a Christmas present. Then call campus police and tell them there is cocaine in their room. They’ll raid, get caught with beer, and have to go through all that annoyances.
Or find out what thier majors are. Then figure out when their most important exam is. And call them repeatedly from odd hours of the night.
Wow, and I thought I had it bad. :eek: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=49067
Personaly, this is why I am moving to privately owned housing next year.
I wish I lived in a substance free hall but then again, drunk anoying people are eaiser to mess with
I say team together and bug 'em enough to make them flunk their finals. Spill coffee on their notes and textbooks.
Has the fine old tradition of pennying someone into their room slipped away?
Here’s the deal, for those who have never done it: while the person is in the room (and asleep, preferrably), wedge small stacks of pennies in the space between their door and the frame, paying special attention to the part right by the knob. Lots and lots of pennies. Done properly, the door will be wedged so tightly shut, putting so much pressure on the door latch, that the person can’t even turn the knob to get out of their room.
Lord, I’m glad they didn’t use a fire extinguisher. I would have had to go to the hospital. I practially have asthma, and being around stuff like that makes me hyperventilate/pass out… not pleasant.
You guys misunderstand. I don’t want petty, inconvenient revenge. I want the souls of their firstborns. I want their spleens arranged tastefully in jars on my bookshelf. I want them on their knees begging for mercy that the shall not have.
I lived in a dorm sophomore year that had a sort of rivalry going with another dorm. We had the usual fire alarm pulls at 4 a.m., toilet papering of the lobby, removal of door knobs, etc.
The best prank was when the rival dorm went to a bait shop, purchased approximately three thousand live crickets, propped the stairwell doors open, and let them loose in our stairwells in the middle of the night.
Pandemonium.
Of course, this does create an unholy mess for the custodians to clean up in the common areas.
Aw, Welfy, college is amazing. I’ve become friends with some of the most amazing people on the planet, discovered a lot about myself, and gotten some damn fine book larnin’. Freedom, responsibility, independence… all of those things have been hammered home since I’ve gotten here.
Yes, some of it sucks. But I’d rather be here than anywhere. (Well… quietgirl’s presence wouldn’t be a bad thing.)
Welfy, you’ll probably run into intolerant hypocrites at school. Christian colleges, from what I’ve been told, have a strong population of them. Depends on the college, though. But you shouldn’t be apprehensive about dorm pranks.
Welfy, you know what’s so great about college? (At least IMHO) The fact that the students care about their education, for the most part, anyways. I have yet to see anyone throw a spitball or anything else like that. The teachers are more intrested in their jobs, and helping the students get a good grade. There are exceptions, of course coughhistoryTAcough but in my experience, college is a more mature and better learning enviroment. Rambling sermon over. And may your college days be Skank free
Get grass seed (like the kind for lawns) blow it under their doors when they are away for a couple of days/homw for weekend etc… then pour water into the room, the seeds germinate & grow out of the carpet in only a couple of days!!!
tee hee!!
Best thing: do it when they go home for xmas - then majorly soak the carpets, (dont want the lawn to dry out).
but then again, drunk anoying people are eaiser to mess with 
