I remember reading “Deep Thoughts” by Jack Handey in the National Lampoon several years before he showed up on Saturday Night Live. Some of my favorites have already been mentioned, but here’s one I really like:
“I think the perfect gift for the president would be a chocolate handgun. But he’s a busy guy, so you’d have to run up to him really quick to hand it to him.”
Meeting him would be so great. His delivery is just perfect.
Of course, they also work without someone funny saying them. It’s really rare that I just read something and giggle, and so many of his bits make me do that.
Jack Handey is also the creator of Happy Fun Ball, Toonces the Driving Cat, and Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. I really enjoyed the silliness he brought to SNL when he was a writer there.
I always thought it was Al Franken reading them, and that Jack Handey was an alter ego of Franken’s. I only learned otherwise a couple of years ago. I was shocked.
"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see. "
“It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.”
“I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.”
“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
