I was just about to post this exact same thing. My 6 year old is writing some numbers and letters backwards now where he hadn’t done that before. From what we’ve read, it’s very common in the 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 age range for that to happen (he especially has problems with the numbers 2, 3, and 5, and with d/b, p/q). It may not be the teacher, just a developmental issue she’ll grow out of.
He’s also having a bit of a regression of sorts in reading, but I think that’s mostly due to the different approaches from Pre-K to K. Most of the reading he was doing in Pre-K was memorization using pictures as cues anyway. He works pretty hard sounding out things now, but will often guess when he sees words that start out in a familiar way, without continuing to sound it out to get it right.
I imagine it gets tiring after a while to sound out so many words.
How long has school been in session? 3 - 4 months? Give your daughter more time adjust, especially to what seems to be a new social environment. The regression could be tied to her desire to fit in socially. Embarassment, for whatever reason, can be a strong motivator. My son was reading at 4 and regressed after about a month of kindergarten to the point of refusing to read - saying he didn’t know how to, even books he had been reading. He was embarassed that the teacher made a big deal out of his ability, calling on him to read announcements, asking him to read at story time, etc. Eventually he was able to have enough self confidence to not feel embarassed for being singled out. We couldn’t make him recognize this, he had to do it on his own. Now in 3rd grade, he enjoys his talents and enjoys being asked to help his friends out (though still an avid reader, he’s actually gifted in math ). When Mom & Dad aren’t there to pump up the ego, the child has to be able to do it him/herself. Give her time to get comfortable with the social dance she’s just entered.
Another vote for don’t send the letter. “We’d like to meet with you to discuss our daughter’s progress” is sufficient.
If you feel you need notes at the face-to-face, see if you can condense those to bullet points on a 3x5 card.
Professional educator’s advice: Value the teacher’s opinion. You say she’s around 50, and I assume she’s been teaching at this school for a while, so she’s going to have a pretty good idea where your kid sits on the bell curve.
Father of four’s advice: Lay off. It’s kindergarten.
Well, maybe. After all, that’s one of my questions.
But as I’ve apparently not made clear, the number of things that she’s doing worse in is greater than the number of things that she’s doing better. We didn’t send our kid to this school so she could regress intellectually and socially.
All right, I’m not going to respond to every post since my last login… thanks to every one of you for adding your 2 cents.
After reading your (the collective “you”) words we’ll hold off on any letter sending and just ask for the meeting.
I really, really, REALLY appreciate the advice (with extra-thankfulness to Leaffan). My wife and I aren’t social gadabouts and we don’t know many parents/teachers, and our experience with children is solely with this one. I’m grateful that y’all helped me avoid a potential gaffe (though, with this school, it’s not just me who gets pedantic about these things - you should see the other parents in Home-School Association (PTA, kinda) meetings!) :eek:
John T, thanks for your thanks. We all want your kid to do well.
Yes, I understand.
But it doesn’t matter what you want to talk to the teacher about (if it’s really serious, then it’s just more urgent to meet) - you don’t want to send a letter full of implied criticism (you are regressing my kid, you stupid incompetent woman :mad: ) before you even talk to the teacher.
It’s times like these that make me appreciate my sister with her two kids who are older than mine. I hope you and your wife can find some unofficial mentors. My sister is crazy sometimes, but she has been wonderful in terms of advising me about the various stages of my son’s life simply because she’s been through it before.
You know, not everyone would respond as you did, given the criticism some of us leveled at you. Kudos to you.
I just wanted to add: don’t underestimate the impact of showing some professional respect and deference to the teacher. It can go a long way towards easing the path for future meetings and addressing any problems (assuming there really are any). Teachers and administrators have to deal with their share of bullying, disrespectful parents (sounds like you may have run across some of these folks already), and making clear you aren’t one of those can earn you some serious goodwill.
Your response here really bodes well- When I suggested you not send the letter first- (back on post #14!) you seemed very clear that was the tack you wanted to take. It’s really nice to see how you responded to advice- it’s a hard thing to do especially about about our children. (I hope that doesn’t sound pathronizing- it’s not meant to be).
I hope you avoid some of the early mistakes we made with our oldest child- nothing too bad but we did have to soften the tone and rethink our approach. :smack:
Kids go through amazing changes in Kindergarten as they adapt and adjust. But listen to your gut and keep in touch with the teacher. We parents do know our kids and can sometimes sense when something is not quite right.
I would trim everything in the letter, leaving only your opening paragraph:
"JWe wanted to write in regards to a number of concerns we had with Sophia’s education and intellectual growth. As she has progressed throughout the past half-year at School Name, we are troubled by a number of areas in which she has seemingly regressed. It is our fervent hope and desire that we will be able to address these concerns on a personal basis, both in talking to you and improving our abilities as parents. "
and add:
“We would love to meet with you to discuss our concerns.”
You aren’t saving any time with the rest of your letter, because it will all be reintroduced and discussed anyway. The rest of the letter reads more like a “preemptive strike” to me, instead of a request for open dialog.
My other opinions have pretty much already been covered, but I really wanted to highlight and second this idea. This was my problem in 2nd grade.
I was an apparently stellar student prior to that, so my mother and my teacher were really confused by my apparent “regression.” We started learning about money in math class, and while it was obvious that I understood the math and could easily identify the money when I held the actual coins and bills, I repeatedly failed worksheets and tests with pictures of them. This was also back when they still used those horrible blotchy purple copies. I’d mistake nickels for quarters and $1 bills for $5 bills. I would also space out and not pay attention when I was in the back of the class and the teacher was at the board–not because I was acting up, I just couldn’t follow the lecture because I couldn’t see what she was talking about.
There were some other warning signs too: I was really clumsy and would always bump into stuff on my right side. My parents thought I was just clumsy. Well, I am, but I was also practically blind. I was severely nearsighted and my right eye was amblyopic. My eyesight’s gotten a little better since then. (Putting on my first glasses was a really cool moment, too–I could see across the room!) If your daughter’s problem is physical, I hope it’s as simple as mine was.
I’m not sure whether you’re yet fully appreciating just how much is involved in her position that you might be taking for granted. Think how much of your time is taken up by spending time with your daughter, talking to her when she wants to (or when you need to), seeing when there’s something wrong or that she needs something, or that there’s something which could be improved. Multiply it by X. This is just the background hum of a kindergarten teacher’s job, on top of which they are then dealing with educational concerns. It’s that background hum which I don’t think you’ve fully acknowledged. (I know I couldn’t cope with it!)
Oh God, yes, there’s particular (stereo)types of parents who exist everywhere, who make everyone’s lives more difficult, without necessarily achieving any improvement (and sometimes there isn’t a problem int he first place). Don’t always follow in their footsteps!
Edit: did I use enough exclamation marks?!!!
I just read the thread and I’m a little late to the party so I’ll try not to reiterate anything that needs to be said or that’s already been resolved.
That said, I’m surprised that the school hasn’t already had at least one parent-teacher conference yet. The best thing I would suggest is to start building a relationship between the teacher and you.
Our Sophie, who is now in 1st grade, had some ups and downs last year. She occassionally does the “dyslexic d and b” as I call it. She just had a spelling test with the words “do” and “by” which ended up wrong as she put “bo” and “dy”. It wasn’t because of a reading/writing problem as it was more just a bit of carelessness as she knows the difference, but it isn’t always at the forefront of her mind. Even when it should be.
As for the means of learning, well, they’re different for everyone. And even different subjects can be tackled in different ways for the same person. I’m learning Hindi at work and it seems that the best way to learn the numbers 1-100 (there is no real pattern for these) is by pure rote. On the other side, I was working last year with our oldest and her geometry homework, I had to re-learn the basics and then apply those principles to figure out where she was. Teaching Sophie addition and subtraction is different than teaching her brother the same things last year. Max learned it by just memorizing the answers where Sophie has to be taught more concretely with physical examples.
One thing I didn’t see you mention was how much homework you’re doing with your daughter. In Kindergarten, we had about 30 minutes a night with her. Mostly, it was just reiterations of what was done that day in class so we knew where she was.
Has your daughter made progression in other areas? Is there anything that she’s learned in the last couple months now that she’s entered Kindergarten? (Is she in full day or half-day Kindergarten and how big is the class size?)
I tend to be a little neurotic when it comes to my children’s education but I have seen much worse and feel for these people that have chosen this profession only to experience parents who view their children as precious little snowflakes. (Not a dig on the OP, just at some of the parents from the school)
My daughter received her progress report for the second marking period of third grade last night. She is also in parochial school and received a B in Religion. I requested a conference to discuss it and the teacher called me early this afternoon. I approached it so the teacher would understand that I am not demanding all As but I am demanding my daughter’s personal best and I wanted to know what caused this grade to be low. She went over the marks and she ended up getting two high Cs on chapter tests. I am well aware that she has not studied for one religion test all year and didn’t even realize the children were given exams in religion. The teacher offered to email me about the next test to get her back on task.
If you approach things looking for information and give the teacher the benefit of the doubt that she may have the experience to notice problems, she will be much more comfortable to view you as part of the education team.
I am also of the opinion that the letter is not the best way to approach the problem. There are so many issues you have touched on that it’s bound to be overwhelming to the teacher. Some of these issues seem to be either irrelevant to the teacher, such as what you are spending on tuition. Others are things that are most likely out of her control, such as curriculum components like using the video lessons or whole-language vs. phonics. (Even if they are aspects of the curriculum that she selects herself, I think she’s not likely to respond well to your theories of early childhood education, considering that she is a professional in that field. Certainly, some children HAVE been helped to learn how to read with Sesame Street and such…reading words on a screen is not functionally different from reading them on a page, after all.)
The thing that jumps out at me that is most problematic here is that you seem to be implying that not only is Sophie regressing, but is actually developing a learning disability, and frankly, it sounds a bit like you might be blaming the school and/or teacher for this, since you say that she never showed signs of it before. I seriously doubt that someone can be caused to become dyslexic from anything that happens in school. The truth is, all of the issues she seems to be having could be completely natural, and I think that typing up a formal letter makes it appear that you are assuming blame where none may exist. I think a better thing to do is type up a list in advance of the things you want to cover in a meeting, and memorize them. Go in and have a chat with the teacher, and just let her know the things you have noticed, find out if she has noticed them or has any concerns, and see what she has to say. Then, if you are not satisfied, bring up the curriculum issues. I think you will get a better dialogue with the teacher this way.
VOLUNTEER IN YOUR KID’S CLASSROOM. Offer to sit there and correct worksheets. Or read to them. Or help with an art project. Coordinate a science experiment. Chaperone a field trip. Doesn’t have to be for long - spending an hour in the classroom three or four times a year will be an enlightening experience. Plus, it will give you a chance to know the teacher. Take a few afternoons off work - I guarentee it will be worthwhile.
The first time I was in my son’s kindergarten classroom I brought the pets in for “pet week” - it gave me a chance to see his class in action. Really decent kids. I read to my daughter’s kindergarten class. But the real clarity came from watching her class on a field trip - where I discovered my daughter’s behavior was normal - and better than many of her classmates (hard as I am on her). And this year helping my son’s class with a research paper (third grade) - where I realized that he was also perfectly normal (which I’ve long suspected). But it also helped me understand that there were kids that my kids hung with that were good, and ones that were bad. And kids they shunned for good reasons.
You’ll also realize what a challenging job a teacher has. Especially in kindergarten where kids are used to a level of attention one teacher cannot give a kindergarten classroom (and it takes several years before they completely stop blurting out, getting up randomly to stare out the window, and need the teacher to comfort every banged knee and hurt feeling).
And you’ll likely see that your kid is a different kid at school than they are at home. Loud kids can be shy students (my son is much more reserved at school - around TEACHERS - he’s noisy enough on the playground). Kids who act out at home can be angels (my neighbor substitute teaches at the school and tells me my daughter is a different person at school - much less stubborn, much more helpful, downright kind and well liked). Kids who are angels at school can be the ringleader for causing trouble. Kids who love to read at home suddenly shun books and ones who won’t touch a pencil to do homework without a battle might be the first to get excited when worksheets get passed out.
This world is alien to me, so I have a lot of questions but I guess I will stick to just one: May I ask why you didn’t ask your daughter why she got a B in religion and talk to her about what sorts of things she might do to get back on track for the next test? I am trying to figure out why going to the teacher and then you and the teacher deciding what to do in future was the first option. I can imagine going to that at some point, but I cannot imagine it in the context of a first time B in religion.
