A letter to my childs Kindergarten teacher - your opinions, please.

In My Humble Opinion
81

[QUOTE=JohnT]
All right, I’m not going to respond to every post since my last login… thanks to every one of you for adding your 2 cents.

After reading your (the collective “you”) words we’ll hold off on any letter sending and just ask for the meeting.

I really, really, REALLY appreciate the advice (with extra-thankfulness to Leaffan). My wife and I aren’t social gadabouts and we don’t know many parents/teachers, and our experience with children is solely with this one. I’m grateful that y’all helped me avoid a potential gaffe (though, with this school, it’s not just me who gets pedantic about these things - you should see the other parents in Home-School Association (PTA, kinda) meetings!) :eek:

:love: to the SDMB.
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Thanks for that John. And good luck.

82

Ditch the letter, just schedule a meeting with the teacher and try to be polite.

Don’t do the following at the meeting:

  1. Don’t tell the teacher how much the father was reading at the same age.
  2. Don’t claim that English “is based upon a phonetic alphabet.”
  3. Don’t expect the teacher to drop all television. You should provide your input but don’t expect to be the final say in the school’s curriculum.
  4. Don’t refer to the tuition. Nobody is going to feel sorry that you pay property taxes.

Try to keep in mind:

  1. This is her first school experience and she’s only been there a few months.
  2. Your daughter is going through an adjustment period with the new teacher and being surrounded by other children, which may be temporarily affecting her academic performance.
  3. This is only kindergarten and it sounds like your daughter is otherwise of sound mind and ready to learn. There will be ups and downs along the way, which is natural. Don’t have a knee-jerk reaction against the school, but keep observing and providing your input.
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One other thing: don’t believe everything your daughter has told you about that classroom. Not that she’s lying, of course, but kids have odd perceptions–the hour of TV she told you about may well be a 15-minute video twice a week. Heck, I teach high school and we write in-class timed writings 3X in a given six-week period, usually on a Thursday. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had kids tell me we do timed writings “almost every Thursday”. They aren’t exaggerating–because they hate essays, they remember them taking up a lot more time than they actually do. And that’s high school kids.

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[QUOTE=ratatoskK]
Your daughter is going through an adjustment period with the new teacher and being surrounded by other children, which may be temporarily affecting her academic performance.
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…but at the same time, she’s learning a hell of a lot. Not everything is about, or can be measured by, academic ability.

85

For the first time, I didn’t read the entire thread before I posted, so this might be repeating. This is my recommendation:

  1. Call the school and set up an appointment with the teacher.

  2. In that phone call, say that you will be sending a letter with a short summary of your concerns so that the teacher will be able to have any relevant materials handy.

  3. Send a *short * note with bullet points. Do not mention money, and do not get specific about what you would do better.

  4. When you meet with the teacher, ask her what she sees in Sophia, give her a chance to tell you.

  5. Let her address what you’ve put in your note, and expand on those things in a cooperative way.

  6. Somewhere in the meantime, talk to Sophia about what’s happening in class, and whether she’s comfortable and thinks she’s learning. She’s a smart kid, she’ll likely have some sense of how things are. If she isn’t doing as well in reading as she was, she might have an idea of what the trouble is.

  7. Figure that you and your daughter and her teachers will be a team from now on. Sophia has other authority figures in her life now and will be learning and doing things that you might not have had her do. Some of them you will like and some of them you won’t. Doesn’t make them all bad. But keeping in touch with her teachers and letting her talk to you will help a lot, even with the bad things.
    And as a fellow parochial school parent, you need to lose the consumer attitude. I mean, if you don’t think Sophia’s doing well enough to make the expense worth it, or the sacrifice, then by all means make another choice. But don’t deal with the school in those terms. It will just throw a monkey wrench into the works.

And I do second the idea of checking with her doctor, just in case. I doubt anything is really wrong, but it never hurts to cover the bases. kindergarten is a big change for your little one. It might just need a little tincture of time.

Yes, I know this is a bit preachy. Sorry. It’s something that happens with me when I type.

86

I didn’t see mention of this yet, but “dyslexia is not a visual problem that involves reading letters or words backwards or upside down, nor are such reversals a defining characteristic of dyslexia” wikilink. It’s not the greatest article, but the term gets misused so much and it irks me. Dyslexics may do the reversal thing, but that’s tangential to the actual issues.

Pretty much everything I was going to say has been said already. I think a heads up before the meeting is fine. One of my sisters is a teacher and she says she occasionally has meetings with parents where some advance notification of why they wanted to talk would have been nice.

Good luck.

87

[QUOTE=JohnT]
Well, maybe. After all, that’s one of my questions. :wink:

But as I’ve apparently not made clear, the number of things that she’s doing worse in is greater than the number of things that she’s doing better. We didn’t send our kid to this school so she could regress intellectually and socially.
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Just a few thoughts. I was sent to both parochial and public schools and there was absolutely no discernible difference between the qualities of education received at either institution. The greatest difference between the two was that the parochial school tended to be more concerned with enforcing minor matters of social conformation than the public.

The largest influence on your kid is going to be YOU and the OTHER KIDS. Kids are kids the world round, and I found that the ones at the private schools, were easily worse than the worst behaved at the public. Personally I feel this was due to the fact that they were more indulged by their “helicopter” parents (ymmv of course) . The quality of the education she receives, and the devlopment of her moral character will only meet your standards if you continue to take an active role in them.

Education is a service, but unlike a private tutor whom you can release if you don’t perceive that their services are sufficient, a parochial school frankly has no responsibility to ensure that every student is a blue chipper. Their technical responsibility ends at making certain that the proper curriculum is taught.

Lastly, It’s kindergaten, relax.

88

I am left with all kinds of questions…

What difference does it make what grade a kid gets in religion? Do the grades have to be all As? For whom? Why? I’m all about personal best as well, but sometimes that is a euphemism for “you must get all As”. That said, I have questioned my high schoolers–“how do you get a B in gym*?” but I’m not real worried about it.

*they are normal, athletic kids.
I am starting to feel sorry for poor Sophie, who wants to fit in in Kindergarten, but also wants to please her parents. Most likely, as an only child with much adult interaction she is now learning how to survive and succeed in her peer group–this is big thing for her to accomplish. I sense some helicopter parenting going on here. It stems from the best of intentions, but IMO, JohnT needs to back off a bit. let her be. Talk to the teacher about your concerns, but realize that you are not in the driver’s seat here. The teacher and Sophie are both driving the bus. You can help out, but back seat driving is counterproductive and confuses Sophie.
The skills that will hep Sophie most throughout her schooling are the ability to pay attention and follow directions, the learning of self discipline re homework and group work and the ability to get along with other people whom she might not like. Being able to sit in a chair will also help. These are only partially facetious–IMO, there is no doubt that if Sophie is a curious, intelligent child that the rest will almost take care of itself.

You are right to be concerned, but IMO you must temper that concern with some trust in her teacher and in Sophie herself. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn as a parent was patience and faith that some things will come to pass without our sticky hands on the wheel. :slight_smile:

Forgotten who mentioned their own K experience upthread, but just FYI: Kindergarten is much different these days. It is much more like our first grade was. It is in preschool that kids learn to write their names, their colors, basic numbering etc. (to some extent-a really good preschool will encourage exploratory play and social interactions over “academics”).

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[QUOTE=eleanorigby]

Forgotten who mentioned their own K experience upthread, but just FYI: Kindergarten is much different these days. It is much more like our first grade was. It is in preschool that kids learn to write their names, their colors, basic numbering etc. (to some extent-a really good preschool will encourage exploratory play and social interactions over “academics”).
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I hear that alot, but as a former kindergartener who recently had two go through Kindergarten - I think the big change is that MANY kids have learned their colors, how to write their names, and the alphabet. A few come to kindergarten reading - probably a few more than when I went to kindergarten (although even then it wasn’t unknown - any discussion about the topic with Dopers will end up with a hundred people reading before K). But a FEW don’t know any of this - and a FEW are really behind - mainstreaming being what it is now.

My daughter has a little girl in her class learning to speak. She was raised by deaf parents in a silent house. She isn’t deaf herself. Multiple kids in both my kids’ classes don’t speak English - much less are ready to do spelling tests.

What has changed is that it used to be that if you read when you got to Kindergarten, good for you - but here is the worksheet where we want you to color the red firetruck and the red apple. Now they are trying to get chapter books into the hands of some kids while teaching other kids what the roman alphabet IS - since if you grew up in a Hmong household you may never have seen it before. Red is something you’ve either picked up already or will pick up from context - no one has time for red and we’ve recognized it really doesn’t need to be taught.

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I wouldn’t expect a letter like that to help at all. You’re going to have to decide if whole word reading and an hour of television is enough to withdraw her from that school, but before you do please make sure you get the facts about how and why these methods are thought to work.

Whole word language has always been part of reading curriculum. The only argument one can make against it is the degree to which it’s used, not whether it should be used at all. It makes sense, too, because as an adult right now you’re reading whole words, and using phonetics much more rarely, like when your brain is having difficulty deciphering what you’re reading.

It’s common for children to show signs of regression, and it’s very VERY common for children to write their letters backwards. Writing letters backwards is not necessarily a sign of dyslexia, and “the way she is taught” can not, not, NOT “cause” dyslexia. If your child is dyslexic, blaming her teacher or the teaching methods of her classroom is wrong.

Also, try to keep in mind that you have a personal bias against television as a learning medium, and that professional educators don’t dismiss TV as a possible learning aid. Your anecdote about the pyramids does not prove that television is a useless learning tool. Children absolutely can learn by visual stimulation, and there is nothing inherent about television that prevents children from being able to learn through it.

If you do want to send a letter to your child’s teacher, I would change the tone. You’re a concerned parent, and you should remember that’s ALL you are. You are not in a position to judge the effectiveness of whole word language or a curriculum that includes television. You don’t have the expertise to diagnose any learning disabilities your child has, and you certainly don’t have the right to assign blame for these diagnoses. You have every right to be concerned, and to question the teacher’s methods, but don’t attack them. Ask her to explain the whole word language and television choices, and if her answers don’t pursuade you, you have every right to withdraw her. Do not use your tuition money as a cudgel to beat the school into compliance with your demands. You don’t have that right, either.

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[QUOTE=nyctea scandiaca]
I also think you’re expecting too much. It seems you’re unfairly placing all the blame on the teacher. After all, shouldn’t a good portion of learning (such as learning to read) take place at home?
[/QUOTE]
I don’t have kids, and I was raised by parents who encouraged us to read from the beginning, but is this true? Learning to read is supposed to take place primarily at home and not at school?

The part that’s hard for me in the letter is saying that that’s the way her dad did it, so the expectation is there that she will learn the same way, and as well/quickly. My parents had those expectations too and I managed to meet them, but I am vaguely frightened of how it would have been had I not. Are you able to accept if she learns differently or more slowly?

92

I think RickJay’s revised letter is excellent. Personally, were I the teacher I would appreciate a heads-up to prepare, but the revised letter there is as informative and less aggressive.

93

As a teacher I beg you to just set up a meeting in person rather than sending that letter. Its easy, just call her and say you have some concerns that you want to discuss and have a meeting. You can bring a detailed list of these concerns to the meeting so you don’t get lost in the conversation.

My experience is that many of the issues you address in your letter will require lengthy explanations by the teacher. She will also need to ask you many questions about what you’ve said so she can get a better understanding of what is happening with your child. Writing letters back and forth is no way to get this done.

Is this your first real contact with the teacher? I mean other than shaking hands on the first day? You really need to start out by asking questions. Does the teacher use TV each and everyday? Does she believe that TV has educational qualities that outweigh its drawbacks. Does she teach reading by sight-method, phonics, or some other system? What approach does she take toward teaching writing? And about a hundred other questions.

If your child’s teacher does use whole-word methods for teaching reading, and you so strongly prefer phonics, then why the hell did you send your daughter to that school? Surely, if someone has such a strong opinion about the subject they would have taken the time to find out ahead of time what method their child’s teacher will be using. If you don’t know what method the teacher is using then do you really care so strongly about it? Or maybe she does use phonics and you just accused her of doing something she doesen’t do. Not a good a way to start things out.

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Dangerosa–you’re right, but the for those who went through Kindergarten long ago, it seems like the concept of Kindergarten changed, not the kids-I think it’s a bit of both, really. I was trying to say what you said and I agree for the most part. I have 3 kids, all of whom had the same (fantastic) K teacher.

Daughter went through in 1994. Referendum has not passed. Class is 28 kids, no aide. This teacher had to FIGHT with the principal to get Daughter and one other child library time and access to the school library books (K-gartners were “exempt” from the policy of encouraging kids to check out books for some strange reason). This is half day-nothing else is available. There is snack time, circle time where they learn about weather, seasons, time, days of the week, months etc, and centers: math, letters, shapes, colors etc. Science is all about animals, and oddly enough, spectrum chromotography–very cool experiments. Kids sit at tables, not desks.

#1 son went through in 1997. Class size is now 24 with an aide (referendum passed). Still half day. Much the same as Daughter, but more emphasis on handwriting, and now K-gartners could do Accelerated Reader and check out books. Still learning is “fun” approach, but less emphasis on colors, more on whole language and expressing thoughts/feelings via journals. Math about the same, as is circle time. More penguins/animals and spectrum chromo. Kids at tables, not desks.

#2 son went through in 2003. Class is now 21, with an aide and student teacher. Only all day is available. All Kindergartners are required to check out books (they can be picture books). Math is expanded-timelines, greater than and less than, simple addition, simple subtraction. Science is animals, penguins, butterflies (the whole metamorphisis), spectrum chromo, lots of journal writing, whole language, poetry. Kids are not at desks, still at tables.

I would say that what has changed is the emphasis on some things. I think that colors are mentioned, but not stressed, and not treated as a sole subject for mastery. Shapes are, though (with good reason). Time is still heavily stressed, as are the seasons etc. Math has moved forward, given that there is more time now, and reading, parts of speech, writing etc have all benefitted from the expansion to full day. I live in a area where there is not a great many ESL kids–I cannot recall one child in any of my kids’ K classes who was an ESL kid. But I completely agree with you, Dangerosa, re the spread of abilities and the need by that teacher to address each child’s individually. A seemingly impossible task at times!
And yet, I have watched (I was “picture lady” --the art rep for K) as these kids really, truly get it and they can be amazing (I mean kindergartners in general).

I say that if Sophie is happy in her class and she has an adequate to good teacher–she will flourish.

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[QUOTE=Marienee]
This world is alien to me, so I have a lot of questions but I guess I will stick to just one: May I ask why you didn’t ask your daughter why she got a B in religion and talk to her about what sorts of things she might do to get back on track for the next test? I am trying to figure out why going to the teacher and then you and the teacher deciding what to do in future was the first option. I can imagine going to that at some point, but I cannot imagine it in the context of a first time B in religion.
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Good question. A little background is that she also had a B last marking period which I shrugged off..I mean it is a B, not an F. My daughter claimed she handed in all her work and wasn’t quite sure why the grade was low. She never mentioned tests and as I said, I really didn’t think she had them in that subject. They have not in the previous years. Mostly community service and projects.

When I saw the same grade, I figured my daughter wasn’t being truthful so I called the teacher. Actually, I didn’t call. There is a little box to check if you want a conference near the parent signature box. I wrote a phone call at her convenience would be terrific for a quick question.

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JohnT , did Sophie have any preschool experience? Or,more to the point, did you and your wife?