If you click on the following link, and scroll down to the thired letter, title “No to conformity” you will find a letter condemning the decision of the New Hampshire diocese of the Episcopal church to ordain as a bishop an openly gay man.
The letter appeared just today and after reading it I felt compelled to make a reply. The first phrase I thought of was “How dare you make a judgement like that, you bigotted ignoramus!” Then I cooled off and realized God wouldn’t like that attitude either. I came up with the following, and I wondered if I could get the critiques of the Dopers here on it.
**Dear Editor:
An editorial letter published 8/28/03, authored by one R.V. Fortner, condemned what the author called a “church cult” for ordaining as a bishop a gay man, and said "they will rue the day they conformed to the world. I presume that Fortner is referring to the Episcopal church, of which I am happy to be a member.
I have this to say to the author. The decision did not come without a great deal of debate and prayer. It was not done casually, and not all church members agree with it. But Fortner seems to think it was done simply to say “everything is acceptable.” Nothing could be further from the truth, and I urge the writer to contact the diocesan office if they would like a better understanding of the election and its consequences.
I also pray that R.V.Fortner’s heart and mind will be opened to the love of all of God’s creation, and that their fear and misunderstandings will be at and end.
Sincerely,
signed**
Is this okay, or does it need changes? I have to myself work at being a forgiving person. It’s not easy, and ranting would have been more fun. But the “battle against ignorance” isn’t going to be won by being hateful.
It’s a good rebuttal (for a newspaper, not the Pit). Educated, well spoken and at no point did you say that your anger burned with the fire of a thousand suns.
But make sure you close your quotes in the first paragraph.
Yes, a good letter, worded strongly enough to make your point without going over the top.
And since I proofread a lot too, I’d rearrange the first sentence as “An editorial letter from … , published … , condemned what the author …” and so on from there.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Baker * "I urge the writer to contact the diocesan office if they would like a better understanding of the election and its consequences."
[QUOTE]
Obviously, you’re not 100% sure that R.V. Fortner Jr. is male, and thus don’t want to refer to Fortner as “he”. Still, you could say “I urge Fortner to contact the diocesan office for a better understanding…” or “Fortner can obtain a better understanding of the election … by contacting the diocesan office.”
[QUOTE] I also pray that R.V. Fortner’s heart and mind will be opened to the love of all of God’s creation, and that their fear and misunderstandings will be at and end.
[QUOTE]
Similarly, I’d change the end of the sentence to “his/her fear and misunderstandings can be brought to an end.”
Aren’t you glad so many editor/proofreader types follow the SDMB?
Well, folks, after reading your critiques I edited the letter and compared the two versions side by side on the computer. I was sending it in be email. So what did this idiot do? I sent in the original version! Grrrrr!
But the paper printed the letter today(much sooner than I expected) and exercised it’s right to edit. They closed the quotes, and, in a couple of places, inserted “he” for my own “author” or “Fortner”. I hadn’t been sure whether “R.V. Fortner” was a man or a woman.
Turns out Fortner is a man. I got a call this morning, before I even went outside to get my paper, from a member of my church. He liked the letter, and how I stood up for our denomination, and, as it happens, it acquainted with Mr. Fortner.
Says he does seem to be a bit close minded, but the acquaintance is not close and he doesn’t know much more than that.
But it would have been funnier if you had put “My anger burns with the fire of a thousand nuns”. Still, I’m glad you sent in your letter regardless of which version. If your church has a newsletter, you should see if they can print Fortner’s letter and yours side by side. Some members of your congregation might miss what was printed in the newspaper.
