Help me draft a scathing, yet polite, response?

[jujitsuka]

Ahem, ok. So, I work at a United Methodist church. I’m not particularly religious myself, though I do have a deep respect for our pastors and other staff here.

Though the UM Church as a whole does not have a great policy, IMO, on homosexuality, the pastors here are great. About a year ago, there was big news here in Rockford when the local catholic church summarily fired their music director for refusing to take a vow of chastity.

Anyway, having hired the [gasp!] gay music director pretty much tore a rift in the church. Surprisingly to me, it was mostly young-ish folks and families who left, while most of our older population stayed and became steadfast supporters of Bill (the music director). There are still a few malingerers who insist on staying at the church, but muckraking at every available opportunity. One man in particular is extremely poisonous. I unfortunately have to work with him in a volunteer capacity, and he continually sends scathing & threatening letters to the upper eschelons of the UM church.

He’s basically a horrific homophobe, and insists on staying around and trying to get the leadership of the church fired.

Last night, our “PrimeTime” discussion was the very first open discussion about homosexuality in the church that we have ever had. It was open to anyone, and there were about 20 people there, including the homophobe. The goal is to present the background of the church’s stance on homosexuality, then to move on to some guest speakers to help discuss both sides of the homosexuality disagreement. Last night we had a pastor and his wife, whose daughter was a lesbian and they discussed how they had comes to terms with that. Frankly, since I’ve been around gays all my life, I found the discussion sort of boring, but for many of these people this was the first ever discussion of homosexuality.

Anyway, I have apparently been dragged into the shit-stirrer’s list of people to complain to. I want to formulate a properly scathing, yet polite letter in response to this guy. I want to somehow put across some ideas that may get him to think that his penis might be teeny, and that perhaps he may be wrong, yet not give him any ammunition to use against our pastors.

I feel confident that the collective wisdom of the Dope will help me to achieve this goal. Any takers?

The letter (which is actually pretty tame by his standards, but believe me – they get much worse):

I’m disappointed, but not surprised by the presentation. Neither you nor Fox News can claim to be “fair and balanced.” Your remark that you wanted to do this earlier but “lay leadership did not want it discussed” was particularly gratuitous. Shall we ask Doug and Pete to present their concerns? Could it be they were concerned about how you would present the topic? If so; looks like they had reasons to have reservations.

When you and I discussed how to present this topic I suggested that you would find it difficult to present both sides of the issue and further suggested you have someone else present concerns. You did just the opposite. No one presented justification for the General Conference positions. Indeed, you and Rev. xxxxx appeared to marginalize the stance taken by the General Conference by pointing out, in both sessions, that the Discipline also forbids war. Guess we should just have given the Japanese keys to Hawaii on December 7.

As I have asked you before is your goal to accept gays or celebrate them?

Rev. xxxx was an exquisite choice. He appears to be a soulmate of Joe Sprague. His discussion about the anguish surrounding his daughter was excellent. But then we had to go on into the Reconciling congregation topic. And Rev. Mavis offered to lead a multi-week discussion on homosexuality and, by extension, the Reconciling congregation issue. You expressed the thought that congregations could not choose that route, but that appears to not be the case. You certainly did nothing to discourage more discussion on the topic. Kind of like providing the gasoline, gallon jug, wick and matches and expressing great surprise at the explosion.

It appears you are driving another stake in Court Street’s heart. As people continue to vote with their feet, you continue on your course.

[iampunha]

Check y’email.

[thirdwarning]

I’m going to suggest a different route here. I have a feeling that all you’ll accomplish with “scathing” is to keep him from hearing anything you say. I don’t blame you for wanting to do it, but I’m afraid all you’ll really do is satisfy your own anger and frustration. And he may be even more sure that you have nothing to say that he needs to hear. So, I’m suggesting that you give him a soft answer, and keep doing so. Don’t back down from what you want to say, and don’t hesitate to make your points, but do so gently and lovingly. If he doesn’t find you threatening or angering, he may be able to hear you, even if you can’t see it at first. And even if you can’t persuade him to rethink, you will have shown him Christian love and forbearance that may have more effect on him than you know.

Definitely not the easy thing to do, and not the first instinct of any of us, or at least the non-saints among us, but I think it’s worth a try. If nothing else, you’ll take some of the wind from his sails by not arguing with him. It takes two, you know.

[Steve_MB]

@jujitsuka

I unfortunately have to work with him in a volunteer capacity

???

[little_bit]

I’m guessing the phobe is the “volunteer” portion of that equation and jujitsuka is involved as some portion of his/her job.

[Gala_Matrix_Fire]

I tried, but I can’t resist telling you that a malingerer is someone who feigns illness or injury to get out of work. I don’t think that’s what you meant in your post.

[Baker]

The following is a link to an open letter once written to Fred Phelps, a noted homophobe. It is one of the most Christian and lovely responses I have ever read to hate. Perhaps you could use elements of it in a response to that parishoner.

A Letter Of Love To The Rev. Fred Phelps

[Zoe]

If your purpose is to hurt, then you can write a scathing letter, but why bother to be polite? Do you think the can’t blame you that way?

For what purpose are you going to respond to him? If it is to help to open his mind a little, then you must approach him with respect even though he is not giving it to others. You have to be an example to him.

Interestingly enough, since you are not particularly religious, you can use that general indifference to entice him to teach you about how Christians should treat each other. Get him to teach you about non-judgment, loving your neighbor, casting the first stone. Was is self-righteousness? Who were the Pharisees? What were they doing wrong? And so on.

The teacher will learn from teaching you.

But it would require an enormous amount of discretion and patience on your part.

Whatever you do, don’t put him on the defensive. That will accomplish nothing.

I know that you said that you are not particularly religious, but if he continues to annoy you, ask “the Great Cosmic Glue” (or whatever) to bless and embrace and calm him. It’s hard to be angry with someone when you are wishing them well.

[Typo_Negative]

Start it out “Darling facist bully-boy…”

What? None of ya have seen The Young Ones?