A Little Help Please, y'hosers.

Factual Questions
1

As in, Garden hosers !

I am apparently hose challenged. Seriously, and I’ve put in the work, let me tell you.

I must own one of every possible type of garden hose, have currently or have in the not too distant past. Flat hoses, cheap green vinyl, drip hoses, black rubber, I’ve tried them all.

Apparently I am hose retarded. When we bought this house a few years ago there was a hose winder on the side of the house. Someone had gone to a lot of trouble to install this contraption. I say contraption as I never could get the thing to work for me. It appeared to require all the hosing first be piled neatly before it to have any hope of winding correctly. It needed lots of supervision, and my frustration level being quite low, I managed to break it after only a short time, not that it was a bad thing when it broke.

I have added an extra garden bed, or two, or three, which required another length of hose be added making a winder impossible (too much hose), which I don’t much mind, truth be told.

I know from being an observant sort, that there exists some sort of secret hose knowledge, which is clearly being kept from me.

How do I know? Let me just say, I never see anyone else struggling with their garden hoses as much as I. It’s always getting pinched off by a kink in the hose. I’m forever having to double back to untangle the thing. Knocking over garbage cans and bicycles, lord help me. And, oh, the cursing.

Now I’ve tried, believe me, I always try to pile the hose neatly in loops when I’m done but no matter how I stack it, it’s like a rats nest when I want to use it next.

It’s impossible I say, impossible.

So what’s your secret? What am I doing wrong?
Tips? Tricks?

I’m begging your All Powerful Hoser Overlordness, help a girl out, tell me the secret.

2

Maybe your water pressure is low? :cool:

3

You’re just buying bad hose. You need this. I know, $250 is way too much to spend on 100’ of hose and a reel, but you’ll never have any trouble again, and it’ll last the rest of your life!

4

Have a plumber install frost proof hose bibs (valves) every 30 to 35 feet around you house.
Buy one 25 foot length of the best heavy duty hose available and never worry about hose reels, tangled hose, etc. again.

5

Let me tell you a secret: the reason it kinds is because one end is getting twisetd, and since the other end is stationary, it can’t twist to compensate. Same thing happens with extension cords and telephone cords. The trick is to try, when using the hose, to necer twist it around. And, when winding it up, untwist it if it got twisted. When it’s at its max length, lok for a twist or kink, and just twist in the opposite direction till all are gone. Then roll up. And yes, you have to watch it as it rolls and guide it to make sure it doesn’t all roll up in one spot, or layer over itself all wrong.

6

Go to www.gardeners.com and order #34-553 for a 25ft coiled hose, #34-554 for a 50ft coiled hose, or #34-555 for a 75ft coiled hose. They all come with a FREE Trigger nozzle and they look like giant coiled telephone cords. They are supposed to stretch just enough to reach the spot you want, and then they spring back into a neat coil for storage. You can also buy #33-495 for a 25ft length of hose storage rack (order more if you have a longer hose). Hope this helps.

7

Yes, it’s the twist that gives trouble.

Say you don’t have a hose winder and you’re going to store it next your faucet. And you’ve bought a new hose, which comes coiled in cardboard.

Most likely they coiled it up by machine in a way that, if (A) you grip one end and pull it straight out, you get one twist per original loop. If (B) you fasten one end and roll it out like a tire, you would have no twists, a different effect, but not visibly very different.

It might have a ‘memory’ and show a curled effect whether straight or twisted, but there really is a difference, straight vs. twisted.

So to handle it easily, I’d go for straight. Put the one end on the faucet, take off the cardboard, and roll it out toward the beds like a tire till it’s all laid out. Drop it, go back to the faucet, and running it through your (gloved) hands, walk again to the end, “combing” it to straightness. Hose away as desired.

Upon putting it away, start from the faucet end and pull on the hose, and push it toward the hook you hang it on, or to the area of the ground you want the loops to lie on. By pushing, you draw in the hose and fold or loop it with no twisting motion to its resting place. If on the ground, you overlap just a little so it looks orderly and Loop 1 is nearest the faucet, Loop 2 aligns with Loop 1 but both the nearest-to-the-faucet and the farthest-from-the-faucet portions of its circle are both an inch further from the faucet. Loop 3 is another inch or so farther from the faucet, etc, and all the loops overlap. The end lies on top, available for the next use.

Subsequent usages, grab Mr. End and pull it straight in the direction desired. All the loops will rise up and feed out their hose one by one with no kinks. (It helps to have stakes driven if you don’t want to drag the hose across flower beds. Drat, wording the first part is hard enough, I won’t describe how to place stakes here.)

If you hang the loops on a hook, to use take them all off the hook together and drop on the ground, making sure the part of the hose toward the faucet is on the bottom, and the other coils are on top in order so the squirting end is on top. Then again, pull by the squirting end straight out toward your point of use.

I think it’s easier to store the added-on hose near the remote beds, and just connect it when you want to water them.