As in, Garden hosers !
I am apparently hose challenged. Seriously, and I’ve put in the work, let me tell you.
I must own one of every possible type of garden hose, have currently or have in the not too distant past. Flat hoses, cheap green vinyl, drip hoses, black rubber, I’ve tried them all.
Apparently I am hose retarded. When we bought this house a few years ago there was a hose winder on the side of the house. Someone had gone to a lot of trouble to install this contraption. I say contraption as I never could get the thing to work for me. It appeared to require all the hosing first be piled neatly before it to have any hope of winding correctly. It needed lots of supervision, and my frustration level being quite low, I managed to break it after only a short time, not that it was a bad thing when it broke.
I have added an extra garden bed, or two, or three, which required another length of hose be added making a winder impossible (too much hose), which I don’t much mind, truth be told.
I know from being an observant sort, that there exists some sort of secret hose knowledge, which is clearly being kept from me.
How do I know? Let me just say, I never see anyone else struggling with their garden hoses as much as I. It’s always getting pinched off by a kink in the hose. I’m forever having to double back to untangle the thing. Knocking over garbage cans and bicycles, lord help me. And, oh, the cursing.
Now I’ve tried, believe me, I always try to pile the hose neatly in loops when I’m done but no matter how I stack it, it’s like a rats nest when I want to use it next.
It’s impossible I say, impossible.
So what’s your secret? What am I doing wrong?
I’m begging your All Powerful Hoser Overlordness, help a girl out, tell me the secret.