I was saved from my evil garden hose.

I didn’t know it was evil. I had been blithely using it to water my plants, completely unaware of its demonic nature. Fortunately, some kind soul happened by at an opportune moment to slay the wicked beast, severing it cleanly in half. Only when I spied the vile ichor spilled upon the ground did I realize the peril I had been in.

Fool that I am, I went to that place called by unsuspecting mortals Home Depot, but known in the lower planes as the Creeping Orange Doom, to procure a new serpentine servant of Satan. Indeed, I am damned, for I am helpless against its diabolical power.

Lest some clueless mod try to move this to MPSIMS, be assured that garden hoses are indeed evil.

They kink, they knot, they deliberately attempt to trip up users and casual visitors to the yard - and they squash and mangle luckless plants that wind up in their path. They must be stopped!!!

Beheading may have been the only way of saving you and your family. Count your blessings that a gallant passerby took action.

When I was a young boy on vacation in Germany, my brother told me to watch out for “garden snakes”.
“Gardensnake” (“tuinslang” in Dutch) is our word for garden hose.
I spent the next 3 days trying to avoid those pesky, poisonous garden hoses. :smack:

They are indeed evil, and you were lucky it’s awful little head was severed. I attempted to water my plants this weekend, and the damn thing squirmed through dog poop! Just so I would get it on my hands as I rewound it on it’s hanger. Then you have to turn the water back on with poopy hands, and the hose writhes and spits water everywhere.

Oh yes, I know that garden serpents are evil. Yes, indeed.

Long years ago I went to pick up a garden hose that had mysteriously coiled up on the opposite side of the yard from its usual place.

Guess what? It was a king snake! Not poisonous, but not a garden hose, either.

So ever since then (and I’m talking 40 years or so) I approach them with caution.

I had a cool garden hose, it was blue, clear and all coiled up. Fortunately, my lawn guy saw my danger and made sure to seriously maim the beast while he was weed-whacking so that when I turned on the water the mortal wounds opened up and spewed its precious life fluids all over me. As revenge the beast’s dying spasms have secured its mouth to the faucet so I can’t replace it with another … well, not without some WD40 and a wrench.

This is bad. Very very bad. Just like the Hydra, hose demons are hard to kill. The act of severing the demon did not destroy the hose. It created TWO HOSES! And its mephistolic spell caused you to produce yet a third hose!

This is how the things breed! Stop playing midwife before you doom us all!

Demonic garden hoses have been around since ancient times.

Hopefully, you live in an area populated with Nature’s Exorcists: Bunnies.

Bunnies prowl throughout the night to save us poor, foolish humans from certain damnation. They will bite through the neck of any demon-hose found in your location, if you say the right Bunny Prayers. Sometimes, even if you don’t say the Bunny Prayers. Sometimes, even if you curse the heck out of the bunnies for chewing through your garden hose.

I was once visiting Las Vegas and decided to drive through Red Rock Canyon in my rental car. (Can’t lose money gambling doing that.) As I was 3/4 through it on a cloudy an overcast day in May, I spied a piece of pink garden hose discarded by the side of the road. As I drove towards it, I railed at the despicable nature of man and his ability to litter crap in even the most beautiful of places. I was half way through my rant as my car passed by the pink garden hose. As it reared up. As it struck at the car as I drove past.

I was a good 10 feet passed it when I said, “You know, I think that was a snake.” :smack: :smiley: