I’ve been lurking here for a while and have decided that it’s time to leave the lurker world for an active life on the boards (adventurous, huh?). And because I didn’t want my first post to be some silly “me too” or something of that nature, I thought I’d start with my own Tribute to the Straight Dope Message Board. Enjoy!
(Sung to the tune of Captain Jack, with apologies to Billy Joel)
Sunday at work and you’re just sittin’ around
Waiting for the call that says the server’s down
While scanning for a virus that is found
On a file
So you go to the website where the millions teem
And read threads about felching and attention queens
But underneath most of the minds are keen
And you smile
But Cecil’s Gang will get you by 'til night
While all the hours you are whiling
And then another troll they’ll fry tonight
Just a little click, and you’ll be smilling
Some posts are thought provoking, some full of hate
And on their words you sit and masticate
The page is gonna load soon, but you just can’t wait
It just crawls.
So you sit at your station while you’re watching the clock
And you look in amusement as the Dopers flame a sock
You know the admins his IP will block
So you decide to skim through the cafe
Or wander through the great debates and see whose thoughts hold sway
Ah, the clique will have their say anyway
Says the lore
So you watch pitizens and their written duels
You like the clever posters and hate the cruel
And want to kick the ones who ignore the Rule
Out the door
It’s time to bite the bullet and delurk
Some posts you’ll send from home - and some from work
Just keep in mind you shouldn’t be a jerk
Or you’re banned
And if you can’t understand why you can’t get to bed
And why you’ve got to pad your count and spot the thread
Well the message board has gotten much more in your head
Than you had planned
I wish I could find security that easily - in fact I’ve often envied Linus’s ability to find contentment so simply. But while the SMDB doesn’t quite make it as a security blanket, it seems to be a pretty good place to hang out with a number of pretty cool people (and, as it says on the SD home page, a few total dipsticks). I guess it’ll have to do for now.
Now, if he posts a thread about how his rage burns with the fire of a million unposted posts, then I’ll be full of rage. It’s the kind of rage where you realize that it’s been months since you were last full of rage, and it’s about time you should be full of rage again, but then someone beats you to being full of rage, so you have no real reason to be full of rage any more, which just makes you full of rage since you were getting ready to be full of rage, and then you feel guilty because you’re full of rage for no reason except that you weren’t able to be full of rage again.
Thank you for your kind words, everyone. Jon, my poetic license hasn’t been revoked yet - besides, I couldn’t resist the pun and that was the only way I could fit it in without screwing up the meter more than it was already screwed up. Yes, I do like baking, but I don’t get the chance to do it as often as I like (although my last batch of chocolate volcano cookies drew rave reviews). And of course guys like “or something” That’s part of being a guy! As for competition for Fenris, I don’t know whether to be flattered or worried - I’m not looking to start any duels (OK, boys, walk 10 paces, turn, and fire your puns). But I do feel warmly welcomed and thank you for that.
And Ginger - congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. I wish much happieness to you and your fiance.