The Straight Dope Message Board is going down?! (A rant in song)

The BBQ Pit
1

Seasons of Straight Dope

Goodbye to you S-D-M-B
I’ve read you lots, and you have charged no fee
But you’ve been slow for quite a time
You’ve been my favorite passtime
Reading posts fun or sublime

Goodbye Straight Dope, you hear me say
How can you leave me? You will go away
And you will leave me all alone
Maybe I’ll drink or get stoned
(Anything but clean my home!)

We had joy, we had hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”
But the posts that we opined were just seasons out of time ( <-Don’t blame me, the original’s gibberish too!)

Goodbye Dopers, please pray for me
This weekend really will be quite dreary
As we debate what’s right and wrong
Talk of sex, parody songs
Wonder how I’ll get along

Goodbye Dopers, I’ll face real life
Filled with anger, grief, and filled with strife
And after I get much shuteye
I might go outside so I can see the sky
Maybe for dinner, a potpie.

We had joy, we had hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”
But the thoughts that that we shared were all fluffy like Care Bears ( Hey, it makes more sense than the original “starfish” line)
We had joy, we had hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”
But the posts that we opined were just seasons out of time

Goodbye to Tuba and Lynn too
I don’t know what I’ll do without the two of you
And every time the board was down
I couldn’t always play the clown
Think of me, I’ll be around

Goodbye to Dopers all, goodbye
I’ll miss your love now I will go and cry
Forever you will go away
But wait, what’s that you say?
The board will be back on MONDAY?!

I’ll have joy, I’ll have hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”
But I’ll be content with porn, 'till the board’s back Monday morn!
I’ll have joy, I’ll have hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”
But I’ll be content with porn, 'till the board’s back Monday morn!
I’ll have joy, I’ll have hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”
But I’ll be content with porn, 'till the board’s back Monday morn (fade out)

Fenris McKuen (wearing a nehru jacket, a white polo shirt and trying to look profound while smoking a pipe on a windswept hill)

2

Aggghhhh!!!

You used the most hated of songs for that and now I have it stuck in my head!

I will find you and after the rose petals, I will beat you for this, oh, yes I will.

3

:mad:
:smiley:
:confused:

Trying to figure out if I jeer at Fenris or applaud him…
[sub]Wanders off muttering to self…[/sub]

4

It is to weep! ::sniff::

I will be missing the Dope and thinking of you while I eat my potpie.

5

I just bought pot pies at the store yesterday. I shall eat one in your honor, Fenris.

And this:

was my favorite line.

Zette

6

Oh lord… I thought I had scrubbed all traces of Rod McKuen from my brain… I was FREE, man!

You are evil!

stoid

7

:: sinister chuckle ::

At least I didn’t do “Jean” (Jean, Jean! Roses are Red, all the leaves have gone green…< blech! > :slight_smile:

Fenris

8

Fenris -

That was just beautiful, man. You should really submit that to ‘Teemings’.

Maybe they need to create a ‘Songs of the Dopers’ section.

::going to buy my ‘Official SDMB Withdrawl Recovery Pie’…(is that chicken or beef?)::

9

As a Canadian, it is my solemn duty to announce that Rod McKuen is Canadian, don’t ya know!
Bravo, Fenris. Another triumph!

10

with horror and helpless laughter. Horror, because my poor brain is succeptible to any glurgy seventies music, and laughter because you are the one and only Fenris.

I mostly lurk these days, but I always open any thread with your name on it. What will I do this weekend?

[sub]<sniff>[/sub]

11

Ohhh

ahhhh.

heavy.
(wearing my mood ring, bandana and beads)

12

Man. I guess it’s a sign of my generation that I started off reading that song to the tune of “Seasons of Love” from Rent. It made for some akward rhyme schemes, let me tell you.

13

::Tabithina clears her throat ominously::

Ahem!

“Clean, clean, or lie abed
While the StraightDope is unseen–
Or seek porn, if you will,
until you’ve had your fill—
and Monday arrives,
and the Dope once again fills your screeeeeeeen.”

[sub] I think I got the meter wrong on that last line, but I don’t want to think about it anymore, and I think that no one else wants me to think about it, either. At least not here.[/sub]

<grins and retreats>

14

Once again, Fenris, you are rifling through my record (yes, record!) collection while I’m at work aren’t you?

I have the original Terry Jacks 45 of that in there, you know!

Peace, babycakes! Be mellow!

15

It could have been worse, ya know.

He could have used “Cat’s in the Cradle”

Now THAT’S evil. :smiley:

16

Here I am, desperately trying to come up with a way to resurrect you, Fenris, from the horror that Scylla has visited upon you in MPSIMS…and then I read this???

Feh. I am now seriously contemplating just leaving you DEAD. I don’t think I’ll be able to accomplish much anyway, since that tune is now careening wildly throughout my brain, turning me from a mere idiot into a drooling, blithering imbecile.

Thanks. Thanks so much.

17

**Persephone ** look carefully, this was his last post. I’ve looked everywhere for him (and I want to assure everywhere, and to be thourough, I’m even havin’ all the male dopers strip down nekkid so’s I can check - wanna help?)

but back to Fenris we can’t let this be his last post. we just [whiney voice on] can’t [whiney voice off] So, after we finish checking out I mean checking up um I mean checking all of the doper guys, you’ll help me figure our what to do for Fenris won’t you???

18

As if we didn’t have enough bad things to say about Canada. Thanks for adding to the list. :stuck_out_tongue:

[sub]just kidding…[/sub]

19

Apparently I have to thank someone that I am unfamiliar with “the poems of Rod McKeun.” Although the potpie line is genius. Is that in the original?

-Myron

20

Fenris, the songster of the SDMB!You rule dude!