A Message from the Straight Dope Store ...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Dear Teeming Million,

So. Do any of you fine folks know anyone who drinks liquids? Or wears t-shirts? Or perhaps you may even know someone that reads books and stuff. I’ll bet most of you can think of someone that fits one or more of these catagories; I’m also certain you knwo someone who’s ignorance needs relief. And I’ll bet you still haven’t bought their holiday gifts, have you, you slacker?

Now is the time to complete your holiday shopping. Avoid the snarled traffic. And the snide sales clerks. You can even avoid the entire seething mass of unwashed humanity. Hie yourself on over to our secure server, pick up the best gifts you’ll give this season, and you’ll even help fund Cecil’s cause of crushing ignorance when you drop your nickels in his pocket.

I mean now damnit! Don’t you want your gifts to arrive in time for the holidays? Get moving!

https://securesite.chireader.com/cgi-bin/dopestore/buystuff.bat

2

UnkieBeer, i think you quailfy as both a snide salesclerk, and a seething mass of unwashed humanity. You may need to rethink that sales pitch some.

:wink:

3

Well, Uncle, I happen to need a t-shirt. What do you propose to do about that? :smiley:

4

You guys should offer a bumper sticker.

5

What I’m most curious about, UncleBeer is that you haven’t yet asked me for my shipping address…

6

I wear a size medium or large t-shirt and I love coffee. And I only own (at present) one of the books, the last one.

Not that I’m hinting anything…

Must run & check if they’ll ship int’l. :smiley:

7

Do they sell official Straight Dope spectacles? Glancing quickly at the message, I managed to read the e-mail address as “shipwreck@straightdope.com”. Still, it made me read the thing again more carefully.:slight_smile:

8

Does anyone else picture UncleBeer writing up the OP wearing a top hat and tails, calling aloud to dweebs in the next cubicles:

“Getcher Straight Dope crap right here! Gotcher mugs! Gotcher Tees! Gotcher books! Getcher Cecil stuff right here!”

UncleBeer you little huckster, you.

9

Technically, this is spam, isn’t it?
::ducks&runs:: :smiley:

10

OhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhBoy

I’m gonna be the first kid on my block to have a Straight Dope t-shirt!
(How will I ever survive the 2 week wait???)
Is this like Green Stamps? Since I bought a $10 t-shirt, do I get 100 posts added to my count?

11

Y’all need bigger sizes. I mean, like a Texas small (XXXL).

Any chance?

12

10 bucks for a coffee mug!!! WTF? Sorry, but if I pay 10 bucks for a coffee mug, it better come with a complimentary blow job. Or at least be hand crafted or something…

OTOH, 10 bucks is pretty cheap for a t-shirt. I just may have to get myself one.

13

Democritus said:

You get a blow job and a coffee mug in your area for $10? You mind if I come visit for a few months? (I’ll let you have the coffee mugs. :D)

14

:takes a look at the coffee mug:

I guess the idea here is that if the caffeine isn’t enough to wake you up, the freaky Slug Signorino illustration does the rest. All while you advertise the SD and the catchy slogan to the world.

Too bad I’m left-handed.

But I might get it anyway. :stuck_out_tongue: