Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,
Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!
Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here?
Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all.
Here’s much to do with hate, but more with love.
Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!
O any thing, of nothing first create!
O heavy lightness! serious vanity!
Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire,
sick health!
Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!
This love feel I, that feel no love in this.
Romeo and Juliet, act 1 scene i
Alas, Romeo had it right.
Rough times in the dragon’s land. I was talking to a girl that I like on IM. She seems like a perfect match for me, wonderful, nice, pretty, and she shares the same views. I asked her out on IM. But 2 minutes before that, another guy did the exact same thing. Dammit. So now I am feeling really bad, sad and maudlin. I found the one person who I would like to spend the rest of my life with, and she is perfectly happy with another guy. Double damn. It seems that I will forever be relegated to being a girl’s gay guy friend. But I am straight. And in need of someone.
Right now I am losing hope. I think I’ll always be single. I hate it. I have a big heart, and when I can’t give my love to someone, it builds up and becomes a bitter poison. I was doing so well until now. But as the fates have it, Lachesis decided that I wouldn’t be happy. No one is like her. I love her. She isn’t like the others. She cares. But I am cursed with never feeling happiness. Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness. Or so I thought. I seem to be doomed, that whenever something might work out for me, it is utterly trashed. Why does my heart feel so bad?
I am thinking of becoming a nihilist. It would suit me well.