Through no fault of your own(or so you tell yourself until the end of eternity :p) you end up in Hell. Satan tells you that you are going to be stuck in an elevator with the Musak playing the same three songs over and over and over and over again nonstop…but that you get to pick the three songs. Do you try for three that you love, knowing that you will eventually come to hate your favorite three with all your heart and soul(hey-Heart And Soul. maybe that’ll make someone’s list?), Do you go for three you already hate, or…?
What three songs would you want to spend eternity with?
Mountain Jam
The Gates of Delirium
Starship Trooper
All nice and long, with different parts. It would be like having eight songs.
Ha Ha, beat you, Devil!
Can I choose three different performances of Cage’s 4’33"? 
Y’all realize it’ll be the Musak versions, right?
And Satan tunes up your hearing so that you can actually hear the movements of the instruments. Of course with hearing that fine, you’ll be able to hear the movements in the bowels of the players, too…but no price is too high to pay for the finer things in life, right?
I thought 4’33 was a piano solo.
There’s some subgenre of metal where the songs average over an hour each. I rather like metal music anyway, but I think three hours is long enough that I’ll hold on to sanity a bit longer than if I’d picked three radio friendly songs that I’d enjoy more (although, Freebird, Africa, and Don’t Stop Believing would be my three choices if I had to pick things that ever had radio play, and those are all longer than usual songs anyway).
Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings”
Johnny Mathis’ “Misty”
Cass Ellott’s “Make Your Own Kind of Music”
Once again, folks-What you’ll get is the Musak elevator music version of whatever you pick.
At my job, on Wednesday mornings we gather in the conference room to have a conference call with our boss. We try to get there early so we don’t end up delaying the start of the conference, so we end up listening to the “on hold” music, the type of music that makes Muzak sound like Hendrix.
Any three random “songs” from the On Hold Library.
If I were going to devise this kind of Hell for my enemies, I would pick “It’s a Small World” and “The Song That Never Ends.” I wouldn’t really need a third song, but if pressed I’d throw in something else utterly repetitious like “B-I-N-G-O.”
Just thinkin’… here’s my plan: I choose “Copacabana”, the Macarena, and “Can’t Touch This”, and just have a dance party in my elevator until Satan His Own Bad Se’f goes insane. When I hear him start sobbing, I’ll press “Door Open”, step over his drooling fetal-position husk, and take over.
Once I introduce “Twizzler Tuesday” and “Pillowfight Sleepovers With that Babysitter You Had A Crush On”, we’ll get so many visitors from Heaven that Jehovah His Awesomeness will offer to make Hell a suburb of the Celestial City.
Bah. I’ve already lived through this Hell. Back in the 80s I was working at a movie theater during high school, and the muzak tape loop kept breaking. The manager would cut out that particular song, and splice the tape back together and play the n-1 songs on loop.
At the end, we were down to “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” and some other dreadful one-hit-wonder muzak version. Let’s say it was “Undercover Angel.” Over and over. For a month.
Footloose was in release that month; I used to go walk that theater just to get some relief.
Shari Lewis - The Song That Doesn’t End
Fred Rogers - Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
The Sesame Street Theme
or a Taylor Swift mix-tape, same difference.
ETA: except I actually like the kids songs
[ul]
[li]4′33″[/li][li]Max Richter’s “Eight-hour Lullaby”[/li][li]John Cage’s “Organ²/ASLSP (As SLow aS Possible)” - The performance of the organ version at St. Burchardi church in Halberstadt, Germany began in 2001 and is scheduled to have a duration of 639 years, ending in 2640.[/li][/ul]
Or if you want a more prosaic list
[ul]
[li]Bohemian Rhapsody[/li][li]American Pie[/li][li]Miami 2017[/li][/ul]
Or better yet:
[ul]
[li]Ave Maria[/li][li]Kyrie Orbis Factor[/li][li]Sanctus (from Messe de Nostre Dame)[/li][/ul]
Just to piss off old scratch.
Muzak might be a little too rambunctious for my mom. I tell that we could take her music, pump up the jam a few notches and maybe then it would be lively enough for an elevator.
My list:
The Devil went Down to Georgia - so that many times a day for eternity I could yell “I done told you once you sonofabitch, I’m the best there’s ever been”
The Entertainer - I’ve heard that Muzak version so many times I can tune it out easily
Hair of the Dog - Because I think a Muzak version of that song would be freaking hilarious!
Since it’s Musak I’d pick some that wouldn’t be totally god awful on Musak.
Popcorn
Fire on High
Oye Como Va
Although I’m pretty sure Popcorn for 1/3 of eternity may drive me bonkers, it would make the other two sound so good I’d be like looking forward to them.