Sorry to tell ya this, but you’ve been sent to Hell. Remember that time you skipped PE and the idiotic assistant coach still counted you as “present”? That was the tipping point.
Yeah, it’s a rum old world.
What’s worse is that you are damned with a personalized soundtrack of your most loathed, most irritating songs of all time. From that TV sitcom theme that wouldn’t leave your head for a three month period, to that overblown, overproduced aborted piece of shiite they constantly played on the radio back in 1996… this is your Soundtrack to Hell.
The Final Countdown, Europe. OMG, I can’t tell you what the main keyboard theme does to my spine except to liken it to fingernails on a chalkboard.
Fire and Rain, James Taylor. The word “banal” doesn’t do JT a bit of justice, however at times he rises to a level of mediocrity that burns in your brain like a hot poker.
I’ve Never Been to Me, Charlene. Hey lady, sweet lady, just shut yer yap, willya?
The theme to The Incredible Hulk cartoon series (1960’s-70’s version). Easily the worst time I ever had with a song stuck in my head, this one lasted for weeks. Like a bad cold, you’d think it went away and then you’d wake up the next morning with a nose full of snot.
Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, Mozart. I love Mozart, but this overplayed ditty has done nothing for me since the age of 8 other than to expose his weaknesses in greater works.
Send in the Clowns, Judy Collins. WTF? Who the hell wrote this thing - I need to go kick his ass! Freakin’ MacArthurs Park is a masterpiece next to this thing.
Feelings, Morris Albert. Make it stop, oh please God, MAKE IT STOP!!!
Mony Mony/I Think We’re Alone Now, Tommy James and the Shondells. Two pieces of crap for the price of one.
The End, The Doors. Yeah, I know a lot of people really love this group but the only constant I hear in their music is a lot of posturing.
My Girl, The Temptations. You ever hear a song so much that you wish you could buy the rights in perpetuity so you’d never have to hear the thing again? That’s me and My Girl.
So… what’s your Soundtrack to Hell?