You've been sent to Hell... with a personalized soundtrack!

Cafe Society
1

Sorry to tell ya this, but you’ve been sent to Hell. Remember that time you skipped PE and the idiotic assistant coach still counted you as “present”? That was the tipping point.

Yeah, it’s a rum old world.

What’s worse is that you are damned with a personalized soundtrack of your most loathed, most irritating songs of all time. From that TV sitcom theme that wouldn’t leave your head for a three month period, to that overblown, overproduced aborted piece of shiite they constantly played on the radio back in 1996… this is your Soundtrack to Hell.

The Final Countdown, Europe. OMG, I can’t tell you what the main keyboard theme does to my spine except to liken it to fingernails on a chalkboard.

Fire and Rain, James Taylor. The word “banal” doesn’t do JT a bit of justice, however at times he rises to a level of mediocrity that burns in your brain like a hot poker.

I’ve Never Been to Me, Charlene. Hey lady, sweet lady, just shut yer yap, willya?

The theme to The Incredible Hulk cartoon series (1960’s-70’s version). Easily the worst time I ever had with a song stuck in my head, this one lasted for weeks. Like a bad cold, you’d think it went away and then you’d wake up the next morning with a nose full of snot.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, Mozart. I love Mozart, but this overplayed ditty has done nothing for me since the age of 8 other than to expose his weaknesses in greater works. :frowning:

Send in the Clowns, Judy Collins. WTF? Who the hell wrote this thing - I need to go kick his ass! Freakin’ MacArthurs Park is a masterpiece next to this thing.

Feelings, Morris Albert. Make it stop, oh please God, MAKE IT STOP!!!

Mony Mony/I Think We’re Alone Now, Tommy James and the Shondells. Two pieces of crap for the price of one.

The End, The Doors. Yeah, I know a lot of people really love this group but the only constant I hear in their music is a lot of posturing.

My Girl, The Temptations. You ever hear a song so much that you wish you could buy the rights in perpetuity so you’d never have to hear the thing again? That’s me and My Girl.

So… what’s your Soundtrack to Hell?

2

That damned song “Popcorn” that was played to death c. 1970’s at all skating rinks.
That would be followed by “Send in the clowns” and “When my granny…” running cadence. Yeah, Hell would suck with those songs. If there is a hell, also it would have Shaina Twain singing acapella to me.

SSG Schwartz

3

No contest, no discussion: Tom Jones singing the marvelously condescending “She’s A Lady”.

4

I’ve got more, but two before bedtime -
“Wildfire” - a pony got lost in a “killing frost”? Has the songwriter even seen frost before? Maybe the pony deserved death; it’ll improve the gene pool.
“Last Kiss”, the remake by Pearl Jam. The original version of this “romantic teen death” song was enough; you really didn’t have to revive it to torment me.

5

Christmas music, interrupted occasionally by the Rat Pack’s catalog of standards.

No, wait, this on an endless loop.

6

I second Mony Mony, anyone’s version.

Add Phil Collins’ Susudio and that ‘Friends’ themesong I’ll Be There For You, and whew it is getting hot in here. Where’s my pitchfork?

7

Eminem’s catalog.

8

I just read that Stephen Sondheim wrote SITC. Well, Stevie, you can’t win them all… much to my everlasting regret… and torment.

9

*Seasons In The Sun

Billy Don’t Be A Hero

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Send In The Clowns

Never Gonna Give You Up*

Any opera.

10

Postcards from LA. I didn’t even know this was by Joshua Kadison until it got stuck in my head this week. All week. My husband denies knowing of its existence at all. I was barely conscious of it before but now… NOW… send me postcards from LA, signed with love from a pickax through my eyesocket.

11

Sweet Child of Mine by the yowler who sings it, whoever he is

Beth by Kiss

Stroke Me by ?

Any rap song

And I Am Telling You (yes, I’ve watched too much Idol)

I Write The Songs by Barry Manilow

top that… :stuck_out_tongue:

12

Pretty Woman, or anything by Roy Orbison.

Sidewalk Talk, by Jellybean–the single catchiest, most irritating song ever

Bobby’s Girl–for those of you unfamiliar with this song, I give you the chorus:

*I want to be Bobby’s girl
I want to be Bobby’s girl
That’s the most important thing to me…

And if I was Bobby’s girl
If I was Bobby’s girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I’d be*

13

My list would be pretty short:

  • Any Beijing Opera. The high-pitched squeaking and ululating that drills itself into your head after a few seconds and slowly eats away at your sanity as you try in vain to imagine more pleasant sounds, like Gilbert Godfrey shouting in your ear.

  • Madonna’s “Music”. Appalling in its awfulness. It doesn’t make me think of “Music”, it makes me think of using a 20 pound hammer on Madonna’s vocal chords.

  • A lot of Christmas music, though with special mention for “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire”. This song makes me sick with bile, until it coalesces into a pure seething hatred of the world. I hope whoever wrote this song is roasting on an open fire… in hell! :wink:

14

my girlfriend plays this ALL the time. I know how you feel…

15

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never going to
Keep me down

16

Oh yes. To my list add:

Anything by Yoko Ono.

17

The catalogue of the band Foreigner on endless repeat. That would be Hell.

18

Marching band music.
Modern pop country.

19

Oh, definitely christmas music!
In my personal hell there would be christmas celebrations going on all year long.

Oh, and throw in some (swedish “artist”) Håkan Hellström there too, for good measure.

20

MacArthur Park.

“It’s a Small World After all”