A National Day of Sex and Chocolate

The BBQ Pit
1

In honor of the provisions this calls for, I am proposing a SDMB day of personal sacrifice.

Recognizing the public need for sexual intercourse and chocolate in order to secure the blessings and protection of Lady Godiva and the Marquis de Sade for the people of the United States and our Armed Forces during the… (Introduced in House)

HRES 69 IH

3rd SDMB Year

1st Session

H. RES. 69

Recognizing the public need for sexual intercourse and chocolate in order to secure the blessings and protection of Lady Godiva and the Marquis de Sade for the people of the United States and our Armed Forces during the… (Introduced in House)

IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

March 27, 2003

Mr. PUNHA submitted the following resolution; which was referred to the Committee on Government Reform

RESOLUTION

Recognizing the public need for sexual activity and chocolate in order to secure the blessings and protection of Lady Godiva and the Marquis de Sade for the people of the United States and our Armed Forces during the… (Introduced in House)

Whereas the United States is currently engaged in a war on terrorism in response to the attacks of September 11, 2001;

Whereas the Armed Forces of the United States are currently engaged in a campaign to disarm the regime of Saddam Hussein and liberate the people of Iraq;

Whereas on many past occasions people have called out for “Love, Not War”;

Whereas chocolate is soothing to the soul and also tastes damn fine;

Whereas President Clinton sought out sexual relations during his turbulent times in office, and as history has noted is not alone;

Whereas Thomas Jefferson did regularly take part in chocolate in the form of ice cream, and whereas he is recognized as an intelligent and important figure in American History;

Whereas people of all backgrounds, ages and faiths recognize the power of procreation (in its many forms) and chocolate;

Whereas sexual activity and chocolate have had many positive effects upon short-temperedness, low birth rate, PMS and “Cabin Fever”;

Whereas through sexual activity and chocolate we may lament out own shortcomings and yet realize that:

  1. Sex is lots of fun

  2. Chocolate tastes damn fine; and

Whereas dangers and threats to our Nation persist and, in this time of peril, it is appropriate that the people of the United States, leaders and citizens alike, seek guidance, strength, and resolve through sexual activity and chocolate: Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That it is the sense of the House of Representatives that the President should issue a proclamation–

(1) designating a day for sexual activity and chocolate for all people of the United States; and

(2) calling on all people of the United States–

(A) to observe the day as a time of sexual activity and chocolate;

(B) to seek guidance from orgasms and taste buds (in conjuction with each other or as separate entities is of no import; it is left to the individual to make that decision) to achieve a greater understanding of our own failings and to learn how we can do better in our everyday activities; and

© to gain resolve in meeting the challenges that confront our Nation.

Cosponsors are welcome to voice their approval. Debate shall be welcome here but must acknowledge the existence of, and benevolence of, sexual activity and chocolate (as this country was founded by those who regularly did associate themselves with and proclaim power of the aforementioned entities).

2

If I may have the floor!

The gentleman from Never-Never Land makes a compelling motion, sirs and madams, but I must protest! By concentrating solely on chocolate, this resolution ignores entirely the benefits of cheesecake as well! It is to this end that I must insist on a rider proposal before I can offer my constituency’s support!

3

If the gentleman from his home state is finished, my response:

Chocolate can take many forms. Among those are chocolate cheesecake and chocolate chocolate cheesecake. As these products both contain chocolate, they would:

  1. Also be damn tasty; and

  2. be in accordance with HRES 69.

I yield.

4

I am SO bringing this one up at the NDP meeting on Saturday.

5

If I may have the floor!

Will some concession be made for loyal SDMB members who are allergic to chocolate or find it otherwise unpalatable? If no such plan is already extant, I propose an amendment stating that, while the SDMB recognizes the majority’s love of chocolate and its desireability as a damn fine-tasting food, there are various options available for consumption in between periods of sexual activity. These options include but are not limited to:
Frozen umbrella beverages
Cotton candy
Strawberry shortcake
Ice cream in flavors other than chocolate.

In short, while I support the sentiments behind this proposal of the gentleman from Never-Neverland, I feel not including non-chocolate snack options runs contrary to the very spirit of acceptance, tolerance and inclusion that this fine board was founded upon!

The sex, that’s a great idea. No problem with the sex.

6

If the gentlewoman from The 5 Percent Nation is done;

  1. Okay, you little ingrates. You’ll be sorry when Lynn and Jenny come and bitchslap you for not eating your chocolate;

  2. I told you so; and

  3. You just wouldn’t listen.

I yield. Does anyone want to further insult my taste in sweets, or kick my dog or something?

[sub]I would not make a very good government official.[/sub]

7

The lady on the short bus wishes to comment…

What about those of us who might be described as “geographically single?” I mean, sex is a good thing, but solo sex is the pits.

Robin

8

umm, what about those of us who aren’t in a relationship?

…d&r…

9

Well y’all are just anti-American.

AND DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE CHOCOLATE!

10

Anti-American my ass. I have a blue star on my monitor at work and the Air Force logo on my monitor at home.

I guess the chocolate will have to replace the sex for a while.

sigh :frowning:

Robin

11

:smack:

12

I smell sex and candy, yeah

Great idea, iampunha!

Without detracting from your resolution, I would like to mention the benefits of Reddi-Whip. Which, while not tasting as good as chocolate, can be combined much more easily with sex. And the value of that cannot be overstated. :slight_smile:

13

Ladies! Gentlemen! Allow me to remind you the esteemed iampunha already allowed for the single and geographically isolated by wording his proposal “sexual activity.” Clearly, the gentleman from Never-Neverland meant to masturbation to fall under this catch-all term.

Now, if there is no further debate, orgasms and calories for everyone!

14

I hereby offer to assist any (and all) nearby women who wish to participate in a national day of sex and chocolate, but who are constrained by single-hood. :slight_smile: I will even supply chocolate - just tell me which variety of Lindt you prefer.

15

But does it have to be American chocolate? Everyone knows the Swiss make the best!

16

I would like to join my esteemed colleague from Toontown in offering my services to those females who would otherwise be unable to participate in this noble effort.

I would like to, but if my wife finds out about this there wouldn’t be enough chocolate in the world to get my ass out of trouble.

17

Our soldiers are risking their necks.
But, how can it help Leathernecks,
…If three hundred millions,
…Of pampered civilians,
Make merry with chocolate and sex?

18

december questions the bill
His poetry, tho, does not thrill
…We shall eat chocolate and fuck
…And celebrate our good luck
That it is not us who have to kill
(Freeverse

Is a much less strenuous form of poetry

Especially

When it is being done as sheer ad-hockery.)

19

If I may have the floor, gentlemen?

Having heard the plight of the distinguished gentlewoman from The Short Bus, I offer the following proposal: that we set up a new government office, the Office of Chocolate and Sex, which would provide not only high-quality chocolate to all American citizens that are too impoverished to purchase their own, but also high-quality sex to all American citizens that are too impoverished to purchase their own.

We need a, if I may coin a phrase, “Chocosexual safety net” in place to help those poor citizens who are down on their luck.

This would, of course, be paid for with tax-payer dollars. However, I think, without even having to consult the polls, that the majority of Americans would be in favor of the idea.

20

I’m with you, pun.

Swap you.