A new disease: RAD

The BBQ Pit
1

[Cue soothing music. Soft lit shot; middle aged couple running through park with a dog.] You like to be free and go out in public, but like 400,000 other people, you suffer from RAD: Restaurant Asshole Disorder. Fortunately, BlobCorp Pharmaceuticals and Weapons Systems has a new treatment; Slugaxicin, a .38 calibre pistol bullet inserted into your brain, which you so richly deserve, you piece of shit.[/cue soothing music, legal disclaimers]

In the last few months I have been subjected to some of the most horrible sorts of “people” sitting near me in restaurants, but none so bad as the most recent:

The Buffet Bitch: The Buffet Bitch was a skinny Gen Xer in Gap clothing with a Kate Spade handbag in the local Golden Griddle, a cheap pancake house. She had her Gap-clad husband and their 3-year-old-daughter with them. They were sitting right next to us, which means two feet away.

First, the Buffet Bitch could not understand why the child’s lunch deal cost $3.99, or about $2.40 to our American friends. This included some macaroni and cheese, dessert, and a drink. The Buffet Bitch started yelling at the waitress about this because in her estimation the cost to the restaurant of the food was only a dollar or so. The fact that the food was being prepared for her and served to her did not figure into the Buffet Bitch’s math. But the Buffet Bitch topped herself with her theories around the buffet (hence the name) as revealed by this fascinating conversation:

BUFFET BITCH: How much is the buffet?
WAITRESS: $10.99 for adults. (Canadian dollars.)
BUFFET BITCH: That’s too much. My husband and I will split the buffet.
WAITRESS: Excuse me?
BUFFET BITCH: We’ll split it. We;ll pay $10.99 and we’ll both get something.
WAITRESS: Uh, no, you can’t do that. If you go up to the buffet it costs 10.99 for an adult. BUFFET BITCH: WHAT? YOU STUPID #&#^&#@

The Buffet Bitch argued. She swore. She insisted that they would not eat as much as other customers (so why not order off the fucking menu, bitch? There’s full breakfasts there for six dollars.) Eventually I think they paid for two buffets.

How can an adult, living in a large city, possibly have such a lack of fundamental social skills? She wasn’t retarded. She did not appear to be brain damaged. She was not, that I could see, from the magical land of Cheapskate, a faraway nation where paying for what you ask for is an unknown concept. She was an adult who surely to God understood why what she wanted was completely ridiculous.
Now, I can understand snapping at someone if you’ve had a bad day. Sometimes you make the mistae of lashing out at the wrong person, or there are misunderstandings and tempers flare. But no sane adult could possibly think that swearing at an 18-year-old waitress, in fronmt fo their daughter, because they wanted to SPLIT A BUFFET is a proper course of action, or reasonable, or even fucking sane. I am not perfect; although I’m very polite as a rule, there have been times when I have been short with people or lost my temper, and there have been times when I have manipulated customer service situations to my advantage in ways that might have been inappropriate. But “we want to split the buffet” and then a string of profanities? I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you, you stupid cockstraw?

The joke thread title aside, is there some sort of psychological malfunction where people who can otherwise function are just incapable of acting in an ethical or moral fashion with other human beings? Is it low-grade psychopathy?

Oh, there have been others. There was the woman who ordered meals for her kids, had them eat every bite, and then told the waitress the meals were disgusting and she would not pay for them.

WAITRESS: But they ate every bite.
FUCKING HO: It doesn’t matter. They were horrible. (Kids are smiling and look satisfied)
WAITRESS: But, um, they ate them and now the food is gone.
FUCKING HO: You stupid bitch, get the manager.

Is there a mental disease out there I’ve never heard of? Christ. Get the Slugaxicin.

2

“We’ll split the buffet”?!? Nice try, lady. You donna like-a the price, you donna haveta eat here. Buh-bye. (And I agree 100% - swearing at and abusing waitstaff is inexcusable. Unless they start it first, which is highly unlikely.)

3

Anyone who used that kind of language with me would be kicked out, if I had the power.

Take heart, Rick Jay, in knowing that these people probably get “special” ingredients in their meals frequently.

(no, I don’t condone this, but I can’t feel sorry for them, either).

4

Un-fucking-believable.

“Split the buffet”? That’s precious. I’ll have to remember that one. And then to use profanity in your defense. I don’t think I could have sat there without bursting into laughter, especially if I were the server. My response would have been, “Ma’am, you are an imbecile. Please leave the restaurant.”

5

My family went to the Chaminade in Santa Cruza(a very ritzy place!) for Thanksgiving meal yesterday. Our Waitress told us the exact story!

Two elderly women wanted to split a buffet…

Schmucks…

Sam

6

I was at a Shoney’s once, and an elderly couple with one guest had ordered two buffets (which they get at a senior discount) and all three of them ate full meals at the buffet. Then the waitress (who was neither blind nor deaf) charged them for all three buffets (and rightly so). They started bitching at her as if SHE was trying to rip THEM off, even though she explained the clearly posted policy of NO BUFFET SHARING. They called the manager over, and this DICKHEAD, in order to placate these assholes, allowed them to pay for only the two buffets. He totally did not support the store policy, not to mention his harrassed employee. My real regret was that I did not tell the prick what I thought of how he “handled” the situation. Ordering one buffet and having everyone at the table eat to the full off of it is stealing, plain and simple, and it really ticked me off to see that manager undercut the waitress over a table of thieves.

It’s a shame that they don’t have “asshole alerts” that go off when people like this enter any kind of public building!

7

And of course none of these high maintenance rip-off artists ever tip.

8

Well, my response would have been to say “sure”. Presumably, if they are going to split an all you can eat buffet, they would each eat half of all they could eat, right? Well, I would note EXACTLY what they each got, and when they were done, bring them the exact same items and require them to eat all of them, just to prove they had only eaten half they could eat. They do it, only pay for one buffet. Can’t do it? Why, they must have had all they could eat, so charge for two buffets. It would be worth it just to see the looks on these thieves faces. :smiley:

The one that pisses me off is places (non-buffet) that charge for an “extra plate”. Uh, no, sorry, that horse don’t trot, asshole. If “X” food sells for “Y” price, what I do with it, share it, wear it or make pretty patterns in the marinera sauce, is my business, not yours. I’m not gonna pay an extra $3 if I chose to give some of the food that I paid for to someone else.

9

just a tidbit to add:

here’s how much kate spade bags run:

http://store.nordstrom.com/category/cat.asp?category=2376779~2376804~2378614&origin=leftn

granted, it may have been a gift, but I doubt it.

Sounds like she is self-centered plain and simple.

10

i’d just like to point out that christmas is coming up…

ahem… hint, hint! :wink:

11

Did they take doggie bags?

12

There’s a quaint little greasy-spoon cafe around the corner from my GF’s place-- I like to start the day of there with a cup of coffee & a bagel, because the place has a certain David Lynch charm to it. (I like it when the waitress says, “Can I give ya a warm-up, sweetie?”)

Anyway, the place is usually packed for the breakfast hours, and practically vacant in the afternoon, so they have a few “After 2:00pm Specials”. A few weeks ago, this woman came in, sat down, and told the waitress “I want the steak sandwich, salad, and coffee for $4.[sup]99[/sup].” The waitress explained that it was only 10:00, and that special wasn’t available yet. The woman insisted that she wanted it at the special price, and began arguing loudly. The waitress somehow remained polite, saying “I’m sorry, I just can’t give it to your for that price.” This went on for waaay longer than it should of, until the woman started yelling “Is this how you treat your good customers?”, at which point I couldn’t take it anymore, turned around, and said “Lady, I don’t know what you are but you’re not a good customer. You’re being an idiot and ruining everyone’s breakfast. Why don’t you just go to McDonald’s?” A couple other folks chimed in and asked her to get the hell out. She was just about purple when she left, sputtering “I’d probably get food poisoning if I ate here, anyway. I’ll take my business elsewhere.” :rolleyes:

As a bonus, that waitress almost never charges me for coffee now.

13

I recently had to work with a guy who would actually try to haggle with waitpersons over menu prices—“That’s too much, I’ll give $x.xx” kind of thing. He would eat half his meal and complain that something (anything) was wrong in the hopes of getting 1) a replacement meal or 2) a reduction in price. He would also attempt to finagle a waitperson into giving him a coffee cup, particularly if the cup had a logo or motto on it. I never saw that actually work, but he assured us that it sometimes did. On at least one occasion, I saw him slip silverware into his pocket. This was a guy who had a masters degree and earned a good salary to boot.

14

It most certainly is…and that messenger bag is lookin’ like it would be very much at home on my hip this holiday season…e-mail for shipping details…
:smiley:

15

THIS is why Customers Suck exists.

sigh

Good god-300 dollars for a frigging PURSE?

16

[Cousin Eddie]It’s all you can eat Clark- we only need one plate.[/Cousin Eddie]

17

Ah, but it might have been a fake. Or Buffet Bitch might have stolen it. :slight_smile:

18

A mere drop in the bucket compared to these:
http://home.hkstar.com/~shs/hermes.htm
(sorry for the hijack)

19

And an UGLY purse at that. I didn’t see a single bag on that page that I would carry with me in public. Gag.

20

Those are in Hong Kong dollars. $1 HK = $0.13 US