…her plumber.
“Great gobs of gravy!” he exclaimed. “What is a woman of her considerable girth doing wearing a thong?”
Mortified, he returned to his work, unclogging Nurse Beth’s garbage disposal. He slipped his fingers deep inside, and what he found would change his life forever.
What he found was:
It’s not a good idea to put your hand in a garbage disposal.
After his stay at the hospital he thanked his lucky stars he had not stuck his (dominant) right hand in the disposal. Worse still, Beth was assigned as Tricky Dicky’s nurse for his full stay. Dick kicked himself–in a manner of speaking–because of the pretty young student nurse, Keiko Fujikawa, assigned to assist Beth. Lecherous Mr. Nixon, still reeling from his encounter with the disposal, moaned about the fact that Keiko only approached on his left–the service table was to his right and he could only get into or out of the bed on the left anyway.
And it didn’t help that Beth–as pudgy as she was–still had some shape, and, of course, the tendency to wear skimpy underwear or none at all. By the time Nixon was released, he was a nervous wreck, and Beth, unable to conceal her smugness…
Decided to wear her thong on the outside and go visit Mr. Nixon at home, to be followed by Kieko…
Both of whom unfortunatly ran smack into MRS Nixon! I do mean smack–Bam! Knocked flat by Pat! “What are you up to, following MY husband!” she thundered, standing over the numbed nurses.
But they couldn’t reply. As they drifted into unconsciousness, eerily they both began mumbling the same thing over and over.
“Sonimod, Sonimod,” they chanted over and over.
Both plumber Nixon and his wife Pat felt a cold shiver go down their spine as…
…their kitchen window suddenly flew open, letting in a cold fall breeze. When they went to investigate, they found that the window had been no accident, in fact it had been forced open by…
~ an enraged elephant…
which, by God, had the most HUMONGOUS…
~Sousaphone. The elephant was trying to squirm it’s enourmous buttocks through the window. Pat immediately grabbed a barbeque fork and…
…used it to knock the phone reciever off the hook and dial 911, as she had a phobia about being electrocuted by the telephone. After a few seconds, she heard a click on the other end, and a voice said…
“Your call is important to us.”
Knowing the customer service kiss of death when she hears
it, Pat Nixon opted to take matters into her own hands,
and…
…brandishing the BBQ fork like a rapier, proceeded to…
~ Dance the Hokey-Pokey. The elephant considered this for a moment, but had it’s concentration broken when Nurse Betty…
(Nurse Betty being Nurse Beth’s evil alter-ego)
revealed her love of spandex and glazed donuts…
…by puting the donuts in the spandex. Proceeding to spin the spandex/donut club, she knocked the elephant unconcious (right spelling?), where it fell upon the telephone and launched it towards Mrs. Nixon, proceeding to electrocute her. The trio of nurses, seeing their oppurtunity…
…and, of course, having recently awakened, removed Mr. Moxon from under the elephant’s sousaphone where he had been hiding, and carried him out the door to the awaiting…
:o
They removed Mr NIXON, that is.
…Apache helicopter with it’s precious cargo of baby diapers. They soon arrived in Columbia to make quick riches in…
…exporting extra-dark roast coffee beans for Starbucks. They filled the diapers with them, and nobody was the wiser, that is, until Keiko let it slip one night after having a bit too much sake at her uncle’s house. Unfortunately, she didn’t even remember the incident anymore, so it was a surprise to all when…