Nurse Beth walked wearily out of the hospital, her shift–and two hours overtime–finally over. She liked her job, but it would be so nice to get home and spend some time with…
…her tube of Preperation H. That and her Bunion creme.
She got home around 7:30 and took off that scratchy cheap wig that fooled nobody and…
…her flaming, 3-foot-long red hair tumbled down to her waist.
Then Beth unzipped her tight uniform and…
carried all 300lbs of her heaving bulk into the kitchen to grab some fudge covered doughnuts. While snacking happilly…
she reached for her tube of Preperation H and began to spread equal amounts to her…
toy Schnauzer Puddles, who unfortunatley was also similarly afflicted. But just the doorbell rang and who should be calling but…
…the Girl Scouts. “Mmm…Girl Scout cookies.” murmured Beth as she…
got her Saturday-night special out of the bedside table. But when she opened the door, it wasn’t a Girl Scout but a…
…Jehovah’s Witness, holding a box of thin mints. “If you have a few hours, I’d like to share this box of cookies with you, as well as a few thoughts about the end of the world.”
Not one to turn down cookies, she grabbed the box and slammed the door in his face. As she sat down on her sagging couch, ready to dive into her box of minty goodness, she was shocked by what she saw inside the box.
“Why it’s a …”
roll of duct tape. These JW’s are getting kinkier by the year. Maybe I should…
teach him a lesson.
“Hey! Come back here!” She yelled out to the departing
witness.
“I gotcher Jehovah right’chere!” she purred as she reached
down and…
…grabbed the gun she hid next to the door. she began firing shots at the jehovas witness but missed and instead hit…
…Cecil Adams who…
~…was on his way over to return the Boston Creme Pie dish
from the dessert Beth had made for him the night before. Fortunately, Cecil was wearing his bullet-proof vest and
was only hit in the…
Glass.
Of the pyrex dessert dish he carried. Shards went everywhere, but it was no big deal because…
…because Puddles was highly trained and in no time at all appeared in a French Maid’s outfit, pushing a vacuum and cleaning up the glass.
Noticing the tube of Preparation H, and glancing at Puddles, Cecil remarked "why that’s the biggest…
…problem with America today. Poorly labelled veterinary pharmaceuticals. Why, I remember one time…
…Beth had three very horny German Shepherd dogs. Why, she had to keep them out of the bedroom when she changed clothes, because they always…
…stole her underwear. Actually, one time, they even took it all the way down the hall, where it was found by…
…Richard Nixon who was looking for his lost…