Ya’ll try and keep your pants on this time, ok?
(ahem)
It was a dark and stormy night…
and I was working the graveyard shift. I was downtown, outside the bus stop when the rain started…
I quickly ducked underneath the nearest doorway. Just then, a mysterious woman walked by…
She was carrying a paper wrapped package, and kept looking over her shoulder.
As she was passing, I glanced at the bag and saw that it contained a duck, an empty soap dispenser, and one potato.
She said “Hey! I work the night shift on this corner! Go get yourself a different corner or I’ll beat your ass!!”
She had 6 inch heels, big hands, large biceps and a slight mustache, so I left. I began searching for another corner, walking slowly in the dark rainy night! Wondering what the hell was in that package… sex toys? The head of her ex-pimp? The questions began flooding my mind…
…when suddenly a mauve weasel stepped through a hole in the space-time continuum and landed on the street in front of me, and was promptly run over by a Jeep. Then…
The Jeep, having the slimy remains of the weasel on its tires, careened out of control on the wet road and slammed into a …
drunken Hobo. This really pissed the homeless man off!! He was so drunk that he did not realize his arm was ripped from it’s socket. He stood up and started waiving his good fist at the driver in anger. He yelled, "…
A pox on all your houses!"
The driver of the jeep got out, picked up the Bum’s arm and said, "…
“Hey Pal, need a hand? HA HA HA !”
ha ha ha ha ha
Thanks, I needed that laugh!!
On with the story:
I kept walking, careful to mind my own business and not look anyone in the eye. Seven blocks down I found a nice corner. I hiked up my skirt and bushed the boobs up. Suddenly…
Just then, the large-handed, slightly-mustachioed woman, who had been watchig all this. . .
yelled at me something about an unarmed man but was sure the hobo had the one left … or was it right? I looked at the large-handed woman to find she’d gone into the liquor store to threaten the cashier there with her duck. From my place on the corner I could see the cashier …
reach under the counter to either summon the
police or get her gun. Suddenly…
I dropped my pants.
Whilst stooping down to pick them up, I noticed something shiny lying on the ground. It was. . .
my glass eye.