…the giant sand fleas that were crawling up his legs. He couldn’t run away without making a huge mess, so he was forced to grimace and bear it until he was finished, and he was free to…
~ dance the Hokey-Pokey and brandish BBQ forks. Bemused, he wondered where the forks had come from, and why he was dancing with them. Carl was about to stop and ask his abductors about this, but stopped before he could open his mouth. All of the holy men were on their knees, faces slack with awe and fear as 200…
All of the holy men were on their knees, faces slack with awe and fear as 200…
U. S. Army tanks rolled by.
Carl saw them and said, “They’re going to Afghanistan.”
One of the holy men said, “Oh.”
Now Carl approached greenery, and a wide river he recognized as the Nile. “I must be approaching Port Said,” he said. He was met by a group of international tourists and recognized one as Beth! The nurse who started the story in the first place.
They gave him a tall glass of ice water and a tasty falafel sandwich–and a strawberry ice-cream cone.
Then an Egyptian attendant approached.
“Salaam,” he said. “Your ship departs in about two hours.”
Salaam asked, “Do the others here get to board too?”
The Arab attendant gave a slightly annoyed smirk as Carl, Beth, Salaam, and Alfred E. Neuman…
all began to beg shamelessly for passage home. Alfred suggested that he should go, because if the engines gave out, his ears would make fine sails. “No!” said Carl, " Let me go! I can…
~ spread pink sawdust-stuff on the sailor’s puke after they’ve had one too many falafel-n-corned beef sandwiches! The holy men were having none of this, and clubbed poor Carl over the head again. Deciding this was kinda fun, they decided the Alfred needed a boot-to-the-head, and proceeded to kick him senseless. Enthused by their new-found sport, the holy head-booters were looking about for Jenny and the Wimp when Nurse Beth…
…started booting them senseless. Alfred was already senseless so he wasn’t fazed. She left with Carl, Salaam, Alfred, and the others in the party, and boarded their ocean liner with time to spare. The ordeal took a lot of weight off Beth’s body; she suddenly felt a cold rush of air, and heard other passengers guffawing; she looked down and saw to her shock that…
~ one of the sailors had stuck a compressed-air line up the cuff of her now-baggy pants, which were inflating like a Macy’s Parade Balloon. Horrified, Nurse Beth felt herself float off the deck. Fortunately, Alfred had his trusty sling-shot handy…
Fortunately, Alfred had his trusty slingshot handy…
…And he shot up to her, a baggie full of lead shot tied to a length of fishing line. She was able to go hand-over-hand down the line back to the deck, where she held onto the baggie of shot to keep from floating up again. Then she felt something silky slip down her legs, and realized her skirt was too short; and she saw fallen around her ankles…
…the woolen poncho she was unaccountably wearing in the 85-degree weather common to Port Said at that time of year.
“Good God, Madam,” Salaam exclaimed, “You’ll roast with that on!”
She agreed she shouldn’t dress so warmly there, and decided to dress in fewer garments. But she overdid it.
Carl, Alfred, Salaam, the Arab attendant, and all the other passengers were now laughing wildly at Beth because…
…Rastas, the Arab attendant’s pet Rhebus monkey, had snatched the poncho in its teeth and scampered off to the captain’s quarters, but was stopped in its tracks by…
…the Arab attendant, who had a fetish about ponchos. He stood there wrapping the poncho around his head while Beth stood 50 feet away, trying in vain to cover her naked body.
Alfred, the What-me-worry kid, watched and snidely commented…
…“What, me worry?” and the others simply said, “Duh…” except for Beth, who had become so frantic she quit trying to cover herself and started running. She wasn’t holding onto her big boobs, however, and it wasn’t long before the combination of her wild running and the bouncing she was doing caused her to…
…fall flat on clean, shiny surface of the deck. Naked, yes, but at least she was face down. She could catch her breath and try to figure out a way to get out of this position in the least embarrassing way.
At that point, the waiter from below deck came up and told her the customers below were complaining as she was covering up the skylight.
"Excuse me madam. Would you mind…