Penis size. Yay… My favorite topic.
The problem there is that there was always that one guy in our gym class that made us all feel like nothing. It stems from there, and we’ll always feel inadequate unless you come right out and say that we aren’t. Without any cliche, or the slightest hint that you might not be serious. It’s like you asking if we think you’re fat.
Disclaimer:* I am not a Southern Gentleman, nor do I live in the South. However, my parents were from Arkansas, so I feel somewhat qualified to address these issues.*
Regarding the “no females doing front yardwork” issue: Any male who would force his woman to do yardwork is an abusive lout deserving to be tarred, feathered, and run out of town on a rail. It matters not that you actually volunteered to do the job. Any good-hearted woman would do the same, but it’s only proof that your husband is shirking one of his most sacred duties – taking care of the yard.
Having his father mow the lawn in his absence shows that he cares enough about you to spare you the hardship of doing “man’s work”. Forcing you to do “man’s work” (they’d never view it any other way) would simply advertize that he is a no-good, shiftless, dirty skonk (or worse) and is in desperate need of a horsewhipping (or other traditional southern form of discipline – anybody got a rope?) He wasn’t just sparing you the effort of pushing a lawnmower around the yard – he was saving himself from public shame and humiliation.
Regarding the “REAL men don’t vacuum” issue: South of the Mason-Dixon line, it is a widely-held belief that if a man performs any “female” job (vacuuming, ironing, sewing, laundry, etc., – except as directed by the local health authorities), he will be drained of his virility. Likewise, handling any “feminine appliance” such as a vacuum cleaner for any purpose other than to hand it to the “little woman” or to disassemble it for repair, also diminishes a man’s masculinity. A man vacuuming the living room is viewed with the same disgust and loathing as if he were a child molester or puts milk and sugar on his grits.
You have a few options regarding the vacuuming issue.[list=1][li]Get him a shop vac and let him vacuum with that. If his friends find out he’s been vacuuming, he can always claim he was just cleaning up some wood chips from a home improvement project. This will actually earn him points in the local male heirarchy, and will elevate his status within the local male community.[/li]
[li]Buy a vacuum manufactured by Black-and-Decker. Every southern male knows that only virile men filled to the brim with testosterone use Black-and-Decker tools. When they start to rib him about vacuuming, he can say “It’s a Black-and-Decker.” This will stun them into awed silence, as it proves he is so manly that he is immune from the feminizing effects of housework.[/list=1][/li]
Of course, I’m just guessing.
~~Baloo
What kind of woman doesn’t like diamonds?
Can only agree wholeheartedly with you and with your mate. It restores some of my oft-battered faith to know that there are others out there with a relationship that is what, in my thoughts, it is supposed to be between a man and a woman. I’m particularly pleased to hear someone else share the sentiment of “your good maleness + my good femaleness = something really stellar, invigorating, and powerful”. I’ve told my mate many times that I love his maleness, and love being female with him.
BTW, I personally don’t care for diamonds. They’re not offensive, of course, but on past occasions when I’ve been presented with them in one modest form or another, my reaction has been, “Oh, that’s nice; they are pretty, and so are those flowers out that window there.” I got (and continue to get) much more pleasure out of a six-dollar ring that came from a gift shop at a Rodin exhibition we saw together, and out of a recent spontaneous gift of a pretty little bauble that had stones of doubtless almost no monetary worth - they were prettier, and simply much more meaningful. A dozen roses on Valentine’s day wouldn’t move me much, but three sunflowers that SO cygnus picked out and bought for me on his way home from work two weeks ago made me smile all day and for a whole week to come.
I forgive you for being offensive… Do you HAVE to use the word “hole”? It’s called a vagina. You used the proper term for breasts… Hung up much?
TwistofFate: Ladies, why the hell don’t you just tell us what you would like outstraight, instead of hinting at it, or being moody until we have to ask.
and then respond, “You should know what the problem is”
I don’t do this, personally. I have been seen as rude and crass for not doing it, though, so I have to agree with Fretful Porcupine about girls being raised to hint and suggest. Me, if I want, I’ll say, “I want.” If I need, I’ll say, “I need.” And I never ask the question if I’m not willing to hear the honest answer. For the most part, I really hate other women because 80% of them reflect poorly on me.
Simetra: The problem there is that there was always that one guy in our gym class that made us all feel like nothing. It stems from there, and we’ll always feel inadequate unless you come right out and say that we aren’t.
That doesn’t always work, either…and it’s stupid in either case. TMI alert, but I personally slept with a guy who was HUGE. And he was HORRIBLE. He had no technique whatsoever because he thought he didn’t NEED any due to his monster schlong. Get over it. Average is much better.
And girth is more important than length, anyhow. 
(Great, I just gave all the guys something else about which to be paranoid.)
Delores Claiborne:What kind of woman doesn’t like diamonds?
The kind who a) hasn’t bought into the DeBeers line of bullshit that my oh-so-macho potential provider doesn’t love me unless he buys me a piece of clear antique carbon, and b) would rather use the $2k+ the damned thing would have cost for something more fun…like a vacation or a brand new four-post bed or a riding mower or a down payment on a Lexus. You know, damned near anything BUT a sparkly rock. Which is a hell of a lot easier to accidentally lose than a riding mower. I’m just sayin’.
And I’m sorry, but I don’t have any questions for the guys; I ask my male friends and they tell me. Heh heh heh.
It’s just a joke… The original is Hooters Hole and Heartbeat. I think it’s called alliteration… or maybe it’s consonance… I can’t remember which, but it just makes it funny. I’m sorry if my humor didn’t go over very well with you. The last thing I want to do is offend someone or piss them off.
Not me. Depending on the situation and the person involved, sometimes that’s the first thing I want to do. But, I want to do it with such artistry and skill that onlookers will award me both ears and the tail. Anything less is uncivilized.
~~Baloo
To all those guys who are still living in the fifties… I take care of the babies, vacuum, iron, cook, clean, do laundry, wash dishes, and a whole bunch of what is considered by many to be “women’s work” and have discovered that my pecker hasn’t shrunk in the least. My testosterone levels are just fine.
I can also fix the car, take care of the yard, work 40-50 hours a week, kick ass, and even take questions later when required.
Men just aren’t for taking out the garbage and lifting heavy shit anymore.
I think I know all I need to know about women and just because they have a hole and a heartbeat doesn’t mean I would date them. Some of us have standards. I should add that this is an extremely rude way to refer to women and I don’t tolerate this from other men.
Men who act like dicks make those of us who don’t look bad by association.
If I do have questions about the fairer sex I am surrounded and outnumbered here as it is. The advice flows freely and I am all too thankful that Lola is as direct a person you could ever meet.
I’m not saying that’s what I’d look for… But it’s true. There are men out there that “that” is all they care about.
I, for one, hold my SO in the highest regard, and therefore have a high standard for her. (That she continually blows out of the water, mind you.) And I also will try to be as gentleman-ly as possible whenever I can. Plus, I have no trouble doing any task that needs doing. Whether it be taking out the trash, washing dishes, cooking, vacuuming, cleaning the toilet, mowing the lawn, whatever… I’ll do it. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s lazy.
Oh well… I tire of defending myself. I’m beginning to wish I’d never posted.
Baloo, I just can’t help but think that this has something to do with this thread. You never did tell us about the results. I’ll give you points for the entire housework/yardwork/Black and Decker explanation though, hilarious as usual.
As a real man, I have no problem with doing the food shopping and preparation. I have always felt it is entirely unfair that a woman is expected to clean house, buy groceries, cook the food and wash the dishes. The other reason is that I do want something good to eat. So far, not a single woman in my life has been able to cook better than I can. (I know, I know, it’s a lost art.) Hold onto your hats ladies, I also enjoy helping a partner shop for clothes. Knowing that I can help her to look her best is a personal pleasure for me. Plus, that way I can sort out all of the outfits that look good but have crappy workmanship or a seventeen stage cleaning procedure.
Hamadryad, how refreshing to hear from a rational person who understands that the entire diamond ring syndrome is a fabrication on par with our current version of Santa Claus (say, “Thank you Coca Cola”).
As to so many of the other issues, one answer. Clear communication will solve the problem 99% of the time. Tell your partner what it is that makes you happy. Be it in bed, in the kitchen or out in the yard. It’s just that simple. All of the hidden agendas and ulterior motives simply destroy what is one of the most divine states of bliss there is.
Apologies to Baloo if I’m breaking the rules of engagement here. I still want to know what happened guy.
Zenster: Hold onto your hats ladies, I also enjoy helping a partner shop for clothes.
Good. Maybe you can take my husband shopping, since I hate shopping with almost every fiber of my being.
Categorize and stereotype ME, will you? I oughtta…
(wait. rational thought intrudes. processing…)
I mean…FIGHT THE POWER! DOWN WITH THE MAN!
</derailed train of thought>
I just buy girly mags for a good laugh… they are soooooo ridiculous.
Lately I read this article that told you that you can have a good time even without a boyfriend. We are not talking masturbation here.
We are talking a “virtual boyfriend” and no, thsi is not about the internet.
When they write virtual they mean it.
They suggest to write into your diary what you and your boyfriend did togetther today (which never happened). They also suggest to tell your friends about your new boyfriend and tell them they didnt meet him yet cause * he is very shy*
Í was near colapsing when I read it…
Can you imagine some lunatics are gonna take that advice??!!
But boy mags are nice too.
They tell blokes to do stuff no women on earth would ever care about.
Oh and they discuss the size of balls LOL
I guess all teen magazines are a good laugh hehe
loons