Several months ago I started a thread about my non-de-nutted boys. They had decided to assert their masculinity in that delightful feline way… spraying. I asked for advice from dopers and was soundly told off, and rightly so, for having boys who were still in possession of their nuts. So I saved my pennies and presented the boys to the vet (I didn’t/ don’t want dopers to hate me!!!)
I felt proud owning nutless boys (oohhhhhhhh I sound like I’m on an anti-masculinity power trip now) I was happy knowing they were not out at night doing bad pussy things with bad pussies…things that ended with more pussies. I had become a responsible pet owner.
All I expected in return was that they would become responsible pets. I knew they were late in losing their masculinity. I knew they may still feel the need to tell each other who owned what (ahhhhhhh I don’t want to have the curtains cleaned even ONE more time) I figured in my strange human way that we could all live together happily now. None of us owning anything specificaly, all of us just enjoying living together.
Before I tell the TMI bit I have to explain something. When my son and I went to choose ONE kitten, my son was under STRICT instructions he must choose ONE kitten and only ONE kitten no matter how cute the other 4 may be. We went to see the litter. Four Tabbies and one black and white bloke (ohhhhhhh he’s soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute I thought) I said to the child “choose carefully we are only having ONE kitten”. He sat amongst the 3 week old balls of fluff and one tabby wandered up sat on his knee and went to sleep. “This is the one I want mum” he announced. I agreed it was very cute but pointed out the cuteness of the black and white one. I went to have a coffee with the mummy cat’s person, when we returned the child was frolicing with the tabby “I love this one mum, when can we get it?” I agreed it was very cute but pointed out the cuteness of the black and white one. The mummy cat’s person pointed out that it might be difficult to tell which tabby boy was which (2 boys). I agreed and pointed out how cute the black and white one was.
Three weeks later we come back to get our kitty. The child is squealing with delight. The mummys cat’s people have thoughtfully put a collar on the child’s tabby. We leave with a tabby and… a very cute black and white kitten.
Flashforward. The “very cute black and white” kitten is now a CAT called Zorro who has no time for me but loves the child to death. Zorro and the child sleep together every night. Zorro and the child lie on the couch watching tv. Zorro spends hours watching the child play lego. Zorro does not like me to touch him. Apparently I’m not special enough (and he’s not so f***ing cute now either 
). The tabby ( Meowth…eeeeeeekkkk I have a cat named after a Pokemon!) and I are friends, but I’m not a cat lover so we have a sort of nodding friendship just so he doesn’t feel left out. Zorro hates Meowth and wants to extract his eyeballs with his claws. Meowth lives in fear of Zorro.
Since the de-nutting the spraying, from both chaps, has eased to the ocassional trickle. But yesterday Meowth decided he needed a smoochy moment with the child. There they were, Meowth smooching about, the child patting him and building Lego.
Then Zorro arrived through the cat door. He sat in the doorway watching the child pat Meowth. He licked his paw. He looked like he cared not a jot. He wandered past the peaceful scene. He sat on the couch for moment and licked his back. He wandered back to the door and watched a bit more. Meowth was enjoying his moment of being loved. The child said “Hey mum look Meowth isn’t running away from Zorro” “Hmm, that’s nice” says me. Well evidently Zorro doesn’t like Meowth having smoochy moments and he doesn’t like me saying he’s nice.
Without any any warning Zorro leaps up on the coffee table, lifts his tail and sprays all over the child’s FACE!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
The child is squealing , Mewoth has vamooshed and Zorro is cheerfully licking his paw (well he was till I chucked him outside).
After the child had been thoroughly disinfected, showered and scrubbed till raw he was begging to know why his favourite animal had just peed on him “Awwwwww he’s just saying he loves you” I said.
" I told you I only wanted Meowth" he said…anyone want a verrrrrrrrrrry cute black and white demon who expresses his love clearly???
I fixed the boys cause dopers told me too. Surely I can’t be the only one with a “You are not a cute kitty story”!!!
Btw the child now loves the dope, or the bits i read to him. He is particularly fond of Monday Rues