A note to all security guards

The BBQ Pit
1

I can understand why the security guards in many buildings have got their titties twisted, and I’m sure everyone feels so much safer knowing that these guys who hardley make any money are in charge of their safety.

But there is one thing they should know, bike messengers are not the main threat out there. I used to be a messenger, now I dispatch them, and here is the problem.

<puts on the rant pants>

Ok we can deal with the fact that now we have to sign in, wait for a badge or something as pointless as that. I’m sure every fucking terrorist knows that if they try to sign in or get a badge they will fuck up in one way or another and the gig will be up.

That is not the big issue, there are a couple of buildings that won’t let the courier up with the package, so we have to call the company that we are delivering to and tell them to come on down. And while our couriers are standing there watching everyone with a building pass who works there walk by (that’s fine) they also get to see Fedex, UPS etc walk on in with many boxes on handcarts and just go right on up without signing in to do their thing.

AHEM…Our guys are doing the same fucking thing as them, why the fuck can’t you let a guy/girl bike messenger up in the friggin elevator and deliver a simple envelope or roll of drawings. You cannot blow up a fucking building with those, I’m sure no terrorist would ever think to put on a UPS uniform, fill the boxes up with bombs, and put them somewhere in the fucking building.

Just because we ride bikes (one of the main ways that terrorists travel by the way) that does not mean that we are going to blow up your fucking building. In fact in the days after the WTC attack many messengers in NYC (seeing how they could not work), took medical supplies from area hospitals down to the wreckage because they could get down there faster than a car , and move around there easier. So please fuck off and try to treat us like the citizens that we are, not some bullshit low class scum.

2

FYI Generally speaking those guards are following instructions to admit certain people and check in ALL OTHERS. Contact the company in question and maybe your people can get the same exception or if the building is on a certain persons route maybe they can cut an ID card just for him. It takes time but every time you get that permission the next time you go back it will be easier.

If the company in question won’t go for it, eh, you’re outta luck. Maybe you should have a “security delay surcharge” for those buildings that don’t want to play nice.

3

Most terrorists travel on bicycles? How cute.

4

You’d never guess that the little flowery basket on the handlebars was made of plastique, would ya?

That’s the whole point.

5

The day after the Oklahoma City bombing, when nobody was sure who did it and so on, a UPS employee entered the lobby of my company’s building. UPS has delivered to this building every day since forever, and this particular UPS guy had been in this building 1,000,006 times.

Anyway, this fuckhead security guard, whom I made fun of years before this incident took place, jumped over his desk and knocked the UPS guy on his ass, then he tried to handcuff him. Myself and a co-worker were just walking into the building when we see these 2 wrestling on the floor.
The guards reason for this behavior? The box the veteren UPS guy had could have been a bomb.:rolleyes:

I don’t trust private security jerks. If they were worth anything they’d be on a real police force.

6

I work as a bike messenger, so I know whereof you speak. This crap has been quite the annoyance for a while now. Luckily, the buildings seem to be starting to get their security procedures working efficiently now. Biking straight to a loading dock and having the package already brought down for me is a bit of a timesaver, actually.

The worst here in Boston is the new federal courthouse. You can no longer leave your bike near the building. I suppose they are afraid that a bike could conceal a pipe bomb that could blow through a solid brick wall from across the sidewalk. I didn’t ask, as the state police officers with automatic rifles looked kinda scary.

Proceeding inside, I then have to show two forms of ID, put my bag through an x-ray, go through a metal detector, get my package stamped, leave my bag behind, and go in. I haven’t been there in the past couple days, so there’s probably more to it now. I can’t wait until they start body-cavity searches.

With a few exceptions, the private buildings aren’t that bad. The FleetBoston building was pretty bad the last time I was there, but I believe they have gotten around to figuring out how to let packages be delivered. Before, the FleetBoston mailroom would not take mail addressed to FleetBoston employees unless the floor number was on it, which kind of seemed rather silly for a mailroom.

The security guards themselves have been no problem, generally. The policies have been a pain, but these guys generally aren’t stupid enough to think that bombs are delivered by bike messenger, and so do what they can to get me through as quickly as possible. The whole shit about having the person come down for a package is stupid, though. Either get someone who can take it off my hands in the lobby or mailroom, or let me up.

This would be impossible. For one thing, we don’t follow routes, we get jobs as they come in, and the wonderful dispatchers try to arrange them so that we aren’t doing stuff like taking one package from One Design Center to Harvard Square, then another from Charlestown to Longwood. To be fully prepared, I’d need about ten to twenty security cards on me.

And while I’m ranting about things, there’s a special place in Hell reserved for the asshole in a car who tried to startle me by shouting at me while I was biking by today. Good thing for them I’m a nice fucking guy, and only gave them the finger, rather than allow myself to tip far enough over to scratch the side of the car with my handlebars. Seriously, what the fuck motivates people (usually it’s kids though) to try to startle bikers as they pass by?

7

As someone who used to work as a private security jerk, I kinda take offense at this. There are a lot of reasons people work private security rather than police.

[list]
[li]Education:you have to have a degree to be a police officer in most places, and lets face it, for most security work you don’t really need it. Many people who are going to school to be cops will work private security.[/li][li]Physical Problems. Privete security is not as phsically demanding as police work. I for instance could never have passed the phsycal requirements for being a cop, I have screwed up knees. That didnt stop me from working security in bars, and other places, where it was unlikely I would need to chase anyone.[/li]I always try to be respectfull to these people. They have to take a lot of crap.
[li]Most people do not work security as a career. It doesnt pay very well, and its a pain in the ass job. They do it while in school, or to earn extra money, or while in-between jobs. Most of them dont have any desire to be cops, but that doesnt make them worthless.[/li][li]I have known several people who worked security who were former police, and got out of it for one reason or another. One of them posts to this board occasionally. He worked security, became a cop, and then decided to go into the military. He now owns his own security company and does quite well for himself.[/li][li]Personnaly, I worked security while I figured out what I wanted to do. I had worked computer work, and the computer field was pretty crappy back then around here(early 80’s). Jobs were hard to find, and when you did find one they treated you like crap. Besides, I was convinced I was gonaa be a rock star back then(I was young and stupid). Security was something I could do that payed better than average, and wasn’t too terribly boring.[/li]Makes me wonder about the UPS guy you were talking about. Sounds like the Security guy was an idiot, but you never know. It kinda depends on what happened before he jumped the counter.

If there had just been a bombing, and I had been instructed to stop all delivery drivers and inspect packages, and then this guy walks in with a package and refused to stop when asked to do so(I have had jerks do this to me), I would have stopped him physically if necesary, and would have handcuffed him as well.

8

I have no intention of ever being a police officer. I work for a little extra cash on weekends as security in an amusement park.

Also you might want to note that there are plenty of private security folks out there who provide security that the police department is UNABLE TO PROVIDE.

Maybe you need to round up a few buddies with guns and try and raid the Lockheed/Martin in Sunnyvale, Ca. Try to rob a casino lately? Many of these places have a security force that would put most police departments to shame.

Might wanna think about that before you blanket trash the world of private security.

9

First, don’t tell me about what it take s to be a real cop. I was a police officer in a small town for 4 years, and asheriffs deputy for 4. I changed careers for financial reasons, however I still work part time for a local municipality. By part time I mean I work less than 1200 hours a year, but when I do the job I’m sworn, carry a gun, make arrests, etc… If being a cop paid anywhere near what I get paid to be a business analyst, I’d never gotten out of it full time.

In the last 20 years I too did a little security work, and I could tell you some stories that would raise the little hairs on the back of your neck. You would not believe some of the nuts who get into private security. I’m talking about contract companies like the one my firm uses. I’ve found that in-house security forces tend to be much more professional. I’ve found that contract security guards can be grossly under trained, and under screened. This is my own personal observations of what I’ve seen first hand. if yours are different I don’t care. What I’ve seen in my life has solidfied my opinion.

Anyway, this guy who went off his nut the day after the Oklahoma City bombing was a goof way before. He reminded me of that Beevis & Butthead episode where Beevis eats too much sugar. And I’ve met alot of goofs just like him in guard uniforms!

10

Well, I won’t argue with you there. Most security companys have to try and get the low bid in, and therefore cant afford to pay enough to keep good people. The best officers in the company usually work the highest paying accounts…Like the nightclub account I worked. So if a place has really crappy guards, chances are they got a really low bid. If I were going to hire a private contractor, I would very carefully pick the company, and would insist that I got to specify the salary of the officer working the account. You get what you pay for.
What I took exception too is that attitude that all security officers are just fuck up wannabe cops who if they were worth anything would be working for a real police force. This is an unfair generalaztion. I have worked with many cops who treated me as one of their own, and I have worked with some that treated me like a jerk. I have backed up and assisted police and sheriffs deputy while doing building searches, making arrests, breaking up brawls, and the “real” police were glad to have me there. I have had a few give me a hard time just for trying to do my job. There are assholes in every profesion. My point is, I was not the kind of person as the people you are putting down. I did my job professionally, and put my own life on the line a number of times. I was shot at, have had knives pulled on me, and I made numerous arrests. I worked posts that the local police told me I was crazy for taking, because of the danger. And yet you paint me with the same brush as this jerkoff who tackles the UPS guy. Thats just plain ignorance, and thats what we are supposed to be fighting here.

11

originally posted by waterj2:

Testosterone poisoning, I guess. It isn’t just bicyclists; I get shouted at from time to time while walking on roads without sidewalks - always by teenaged or early 20s guys, the type who drive Camaros.

12

Which sorta helps explain why I laughed and pumped my hand in the air when I heard GM was going to stop making these cars.

13

I’ve worked in many different security companies for about 5 years now. Including an amusement park and one of Europe’s largest sports arena’s. I’ve also worked as a receptionist and as security guard in bunch of stores. The thing Briminator complains about has nothing to do with the security guard. As drachillix points out he’s doing what he has been told by the company he works for. The rules may have been set by the company that owns the building, who knows. Be as it may bithcing to him doesn’t do any good.

I don’t know exactly how much a cop makes a year in the States but I know it varies a lot across the country. Here a professional security guard can easily earn the same as a cop. Besides the cops tend to fuck up pretty bad from time to time themselves…(let’s not go that way though, ok?)

Funny true story from the last weekend. This guy walks to the door(in a ice-hockey game) and looks somewhat intoxicated. I ask him to open his bag to check that there’s no alcohol inside. Turns out that the guys we sometimes have patrolling outside the premises have already checked him(not a standard procedure but the guy had attracted attention) I apologize for the inconvenience and check the bag which turns out to be ok. He starts to whine how “embarrassing” this is, I apologize again and let him in. An hour later he is thrown out because he has drunk some more and is in pretty bad shape. He notices me and starts to insult me, I watch him and just smile and soon he stumbles off to find a taxi. As there isn’t one available he starts to urinate in the middle of the yard. I ask the police inside to take him to the can for the night. As they put him in the car I decide not to ask him which is more embarrassing urinating publicly or getting your bag inspected.

14

It may come as some relief to you that GM is closing its penis-car plant in Quebec within the next year.

15

i just want to know what the hell they are writing down in those little damn books everytime i pass by…