I volunteer in a food truck occasionally. It is tight quarters. 4 people is about all it can fit. We have basically touched each other in all places. There is bending and reaching around and passing stuff from hand to hand. Plus it’s hot so we are in shorts and light weight tops. We decided long ago to just forgive and forget. It works.
In that kind of situation, I’d think it was accidental, but I’d remember for next time. Depends on the guy.
In high school, I had an incident somewhat like the OP’s. We were playing “King of the Hill” and I was the king. I got done dealing with one challenge, and saw another classmate (a girl) coming up from a different direction. I turned, and raised my hands up, planning to put my hands on her shoulders so that I would have a good grip for pushing.
But I didn’t have time. I got my hands up to about mid-chest height–and then she was there. My hands landed squarely on her breasts.
I wasn’t sure what to do. But I figured that if it bothered her too much, she would simply back off. But she kept on pushing, so I just kept on pushing. I pushed her down the hill without having a chance to adjust the position of my hands.
If we are talking about highschool boys, they would put hands on accidentally on purpose, so to speak. I never trusted those guys. As girls we got adept at deflecting those grabs. It kinda eased up during college, seems like.
This has only happened to me once; I’m confident it was purely accidental. I have large boobs; I turned suddenly to grab something from a table as the guy was reaching across the same table, and there was a brush with the back of his right hand. He was clearly flustered as hell, and pulled back quickly, but didn’t say anything. I acted like nothing had happened.
I would definitely approach this on a case-by-case basis for future incidents though.
She sent a mail to a couple of people, including me, yesterday evening, accepting an offer to hang out after the holidays - my initiative, but other people were eager to get to know her better - and thanking each of us by name for it.
This, and what happened after the incident (she didn’t mention it and went on talking normally for the rest of the time we were together, smiled brightly and waved as I was leaving) leads me to think she has decided to let it slide.
As for me, I’ll just try to forget about the whole thing, go on holiday and make sure there’s no repeat incident when we meet again.
I am not a woman, so I won’t vote in the poll.
Accidental touches happen by accident - the time to apologise is immediately, if at all (that is, it’s not necessarily always explicitly necessary to make a fuss and draw more attention to it by talking, because it’s very obviously accidental, momentary and involuntary - for example, if someone trips into you, it’s probably more important to ask if they’re alright than it is to apologise for touching them when you collided)
If you go back and apologise for it later, you are potentially demonstrating that you have been thinking about it, dwelling on it, more than you probably should have done.
Even better, ask her to sign up for the Dope and vote in your poll!
I’m a guy, so I won’t vote in the poll, and I don’t do the kind of social kissing you describe.
Kissing someone on the cheek necessarily involves getting closer, and accidents happen. I yield to none in my appreciation of the female form, but if it happened to me I would just say “Pardon me” and if she didn’t react, drop it from then on. I might work on being more definite in how I approached the social kiss next time, to avoid accidental contacts so everyone knows what to do. If it is clear that social kissing is about to occur, you put your hand firmly on her shoulder, she kisses your cheeks, you kiss hers, then you step back and smile and you have just greeted your friend.
This is just happenstance.
Regards,
Shodan
I’m pretty sure that people have accidentally brushed my breast on occasion, but I don’t recall any specific incident. So it’s possible that an accidental touch is completely forgettable to a woman. My advice is to put it out of your mind, if you can.
Boobs happen.
Well, a few years ago at a dinner party for my departing senior pastor and his family, hugs were shared all 'round. I accidentally touched the clothing covering one of her breasts. What’s the big deal? That kind of thing happens, at least sometimes. It wasn’t even bothersome after I realized that she’d had that kind of thing happen many times (I suppose), on account of we’re a pretty “huggy” Church.
If she’d said something to him about it, it could easily have been pistols on the front lawn shortly thereafter. Instead, we had a nice meal and some camaraderie.
Meh.
An instant apology would do the trick for me. What kind of world is it when we can’t even say “I’m sorry” or “Excuse me” without it being a big deal?
When I was a senior in high school one of my classes was biology lab assistant (I was that kind of kid) and one time I was carrying two erlenmeyer flasks by the neck in each hand when I rounded the corner and literally bumped into one of the two teachers who was a) about 25 and b) kinda pretty. We both froze but not before the back of my left hand pressed quite firmly into her breast. I still remember the sensation to this day.
She must have realized it was accidental, if only because I flushed strongly and apologized (actually, it came out something like “Aba s-s-sor aka guh”) because other than that we pretended it hadn’t happened.
A similar thing happened to me at work yesterday. A customer needed help so I came over and stood beside him. Then I felt a very soft touch on the side of my butt and quickly looked down and stepped away. He said “sorry” so he did know that he had touched me but I don’t know if it was on purpose or accidental.
I voted that I’d be willing to accept that it was accidental.
I assume you’re living and working quelque part dans La Francophonie?
If yes, il y a pas de quoi. Accidental touching during la bise is normal and ignored.
Accidental touching happens, and it’s not usually a big deal. Really. We know they stick out. We get it.
Speaking as an awkward guy, if I made incidental accidental contact with a woman’s body I would only want to apologize if I had made her uncomfortable, because standing around talking about a contact that she hadn’t bothered to be concerned about would risk making her uncomfortable. I personally consider it the more chivalrous option to run away and hide myself never to see the light of day again.
This is exactly my response too. I’ve accidentally bumped into the chest of a female (and male) friend. I’ve always apologized in the moment, but I’ve had it happen to me from both male and female friends and never thought it was intentional.
If one of these occurrences actually was someone trying to cop a feel, meh, it is what it is.
I wouldn’t mention it again. If were to happen again in the future you could say sorry on the spot. I’ve always gone for the direct ‘Oh my goodness I just totally grazed your boob/butt, I’m so sorry!’ but I kind of have that sort of personality. I think just saying ‘Oops, sorry!’ is fine.
Not a woman, so won’t vote, but I have, in the past two days, twice accidentally touched women (albeit, neither one in the breasts or buttocks). I was sharing a lane at a pool with a woman, when my goggles filled up. I didn’t realize that she was approaching, and as she swam past - she was swimming freestyle, while I - ironically enough - was using a breaststroke - I got her in the stomach. Then, today, I was looking aside while walking at work, and put my hand right into the back of a shorter woman.
In both cases, I apologized - immediately for the woman I walked into, and when she got to the end of the lane and paused for the swimmer - and both assured me it was okay. Interestingly, both laid their hand on my arm when telling me not to worry about it. So I’d guess that the women in the thread are right, and embarrassed apologies demonstrate that you’re not trying to be creepy. Whether or not the interactions would have been the same if I had involuntarily touched either woman in an intimate part of the body, I can’t say. But the stomach is pretty personal, so maybe. In any case, with the swimmer, I was very careful to give her plenty of room when next we passed.