Today while talking to a fellow workmate the subject of anal sex was brought up . He said that while he enjoyed anal sex with his S.O. ( a female ) he could not comprehend how homosexuals could do it to each other . I tried and tried to get some logic from him but only got “It’s different if its with a women” .
So is there anybody else out there who holds the same view and has a reason for this kind of thinking ?
P.S. I’m looking for answers not homophobic comments so be nice
One could make the same argument for fellatio, in theory, does it matter who is doing the fellating?
My explanation is the old cliche “the brain is the most important sex organ.” People are conditioned to find certain things attractive, and other things repulsive. e.g. a heterosexual teenager will lust after the good-looking girl next door, but not his sister even if she’s the same age and just as good-looking.
Offhand, I’d say your workmate is the homophobe. Intercourse is about both giving and taking, pleasure and release. Which orifice, what gender, when, where, how- doesn’t matter. It’s the intimacy. The act of joining, to be lofty and poetic about it. Why would it matter at all, from an objective point of view, if it were two men, or a man and a woman having intercourse?
I've never experienced it with/from a man, but my female lover and I have indulged on occasion. It's another way of sharing, gender seems to be inconsequential.
To be turned off by the idea of engaging in sexual intercourse with another man doesn’t make him a homophobe; it just makes him straight. If he can’t see the attraction, he can’t see the attraction.
I’d add that the physical attraction seems to be as much a culturally-produced prediliction, but that the desire to share romantic intimacy is more deeply wired. So the blanket statement ‘it’s different with women’ when you’re talking about gays as well as straight folk is homophobic, but the statement that ‘it would be different for me’ is a statement of sexual orientation and the statement ‘in the ASS? ewww!’ is a cultural or otherwise psychological hang-up.
I don’t exactly buy that. It sounds like you are saying that we are all bisexual, with no natural tendency toward either sex, just a cultural reason for having a preference. Personally, even heterosexual anal intercourse is somewhat repulsive to me, and I hardly feel like I have some hang-up for not wanting fecal matter to be part of my sex life.
I read it like this. The guy, when he talks about it being “different with women” is no doubt imagining women to whom he is attracted. Assuming his standards of “attractiveness” fall within the realm of societal norms, he would probably say the same thing about 800 pound women. They may have the same equipment down there, but the packaging is way different after all. Just because the guy doesn’t get the attraction doesn’t make him a homophobe. In fact, to say that it should be the same relegates sex to nothing more than the hole you stick it in.
Well, that’s not what I *meant[/] to say. I was distinguishing three categories:
A) Capacity to enjoy or interest in anal sex regardless of the partner: I said the difference here was a “cultural or otherwise psychological hang-up” - that was a poor choice of words, but i do think the it is a learned preference, for good or bad. Obviously the mechanics still provide stimulation.
B) Attraction or interest in being physical with a member of the same sex. This, I personally suspect, is largely culturally learned too. Obviously culture has an enourmous role to play in what people consider attractive sexually and disgust for homosexuality appears to me to be mostly reactionary. I neither excuse nor indict other opinions on this.
C) Romantic interest in members of the same sex. This, it seems to me, is the real dividing line, if there is one. Upon reflection, though - I’d have to say that if A and B are sufficently unclear, then C could depend as much on the individuals involved as anything.
My conclusion regarding the original post was that the coworkers statement went beyond any of these rationally justifiable categories by saying that regardless of sexual orientation or attraction, that anal sex with women was okay while between men it was inexcusable. If you admit the existence of homosexuality, then this is completely irrational, and if not, it’s ignorant. I assert that if the statement were irrational but not ignorant, it was homophobic and guessed that if it was ignorance, it was probably born of homophobia since the guy seemed worldly enough to discuss the idea, however irrationally.
OK, time for big confession here. Altho hetero, while living in Hollywood (prior to the big Aids thing)I made it with a few (gorgeous) pre-opt transexuals. See, altho hetero, I’m not homophobic*, so as long as VISUALLY I was seeing sexpot FEMALE, it did not matter he/she was technically male. SO, to get to the query of this thread–NO, there is no difference.
“ask the Man who’s had one”
and NO, I don’t get pissed off if a gay man makes a pass at me, in fact I am a little flattered, as long as the pass is not TOO crude, of course.
Okay, I’ll buy that. I guess it depends on how you read the OP. Intellectually, I know that people do have attraction to all sorts of people and beyond. Emotionally, I can’t comprehend why anyone would engage in the act with an 800 pound woman, a farm animal, or a host of other partners, despite the fact that I know there are those that do indeed enjoy these activities.
If you read it as “the guy couldn’t imagine how anyone could enjoy it because it’s an attraction he just doesn’t share” then he’s not homophobic. But if you read it as “the guy couldn’t comprehend how someone could do that sick, unnatural, icky thing” despite the fact that he practices the identical hetero version, then you probably do have a homophobe.
PTAH: so ask him–“could you do it with a really gorgeous transvestite” and if he makes gagging sounds or sceams NO! DAMNIT!, then he’s a homophobe. But if he says, “well, maybe, if you got me drunk enuf”, then he’s just a red-blooded hetero.
Danielinthewolvesden said: PTAH: so ask him–“could you do it with a really gorgeous transvestite” and if he makes gagging sounds or sceams NO! DAMNIT!, then he’s a homophobe. But if he says, “well, maybe, if you got me drunk enuf”, then he’s just a red-blooded hetero.
I did ask him this morning and yes he’s a homophobe . He also told me that he’s on a offical warning because of complaints made against him by a gay co-worker .
Irishman, in another thread once I said “I really don’t see why brother-sister incest is considered to be distasteful” and I got my ass royally kicked by other posters. Since I don’t have any sisters, I guess I can’t really give a qualified opinion.
Can anyone tell me why any discussion of anal sex automatically results in discussion of male homosexuality? While I have never known a “straight” man to be the willing recipient of said, I know more than one straight woman who has participated with her S.O. (of the male variety). Comments?
Because the original poster asked for opinions regarding the homophobia of someone who couldn’t stomach the thought of men having anal sex with each other, although it was cool for him to meet his girlfriends from behind.
Come on. Let’s give Jimbo’s friend a little slack. Just because he doesn’t understand how someone can be homosexual doesn’t make him a homophobe. Besides, I didn’t get any anti-gay sentiment from his friend in the OP.
I enjoy anal sex with my girlfriend but I would never want to try it with another male just because “What the hell! It’s the same orifice.” That would make me gay (or at least bi) and I am straight. I am not a homophobe at all. I just don’t want to have sex with a man.
