My son had a pair of sissors held up against his neck and was told that the other kid would kill him if he told anyone the secret that my son overheard while in the bathroom. These kids are 11 years old and this occurred at school.
I spoke to the pricipal about the incident and I wasn’t very satisfied with the responses I recived.
This morning I called the state police (we live in a rural area and the state police are our local law enforcement), I wanted to file a report, but not press charges. From what I can tell, this kid needs help, and I want the school and the kid’s parents to take this seriously.
I was told that I can not file a report if I’m not pressing charges. That doesn’t sound accurate to me. I’m in Pennsylvania, if it matters.
I would take a different route, personally, based on the principle of solving problems at the lowest level possible. It’s clear that on a child-to-child level this problem cannot be solved. I’d call the parents of the other boy in question and have a sit-down with both children and all of the relevant parents (there should be at least two adults here, but hopefully four). Call the parents ahead of time and explain why you’re concerned and why you want to meet. Meet on neutral ground, hopefully near the classroom where the lesson will stick more firmly in the children’s heads. If this is behavior they don’t want to encourage, they will put a stop to it.
The school and the police shouldn’t even get involved unless the parents are unwilling to meet with you to discuss your concerns.
Realize, though, that they may have a tough time accepting your word that their child is anything other than perfect. Realize that if you advise or instruct them on how to discipline their boy they may be resentful, insulted, or hostile. You may insist that their child apologize to yours, but even your insistence should be polite: “(My child’s name) would like an apology from (your child), once you have disciplined him and he realizes what he’s done wrong.”
You might even take the time to teach your child to empathize with the other child and learn from his mistakes. “Have you ever had a secret?” “How do you feel when someone knows your secret and they shouldn’t?” “Isn’t it awful when you think someone could embarrass you like that?” “How would you solve that problem?” And so forth. This is a good way to teach your kid that trying to keep a secret almost always forces you to make decisions you wouldn’t make otherwise.
When my son left the bathroom, he went directley to the principal with the incident, so when I spoke to him, he was aware of the situation already. The kid who made the threat was suspended for one day. He has to speak with the guidance councelor before returning. That’s it.
When I questioned the principal further, he said that I shouldn’t worry because the other boy is much smaller then my son. With that attitude, I have every reason to worry.
I don’t know specifically about PA but I recently called the police, and got a nice police report, over “hit and run” incident involving my car and my parking neighbour. I didn’t press charges (the police officer, a really cool guy, didn’t think it was right arresting the 72 year old driver) so I got a police report for my insurance company.
I would be personally pressing charges though. Or at least busting up the kid myself
Sorry can only tell you how we do things in New Jersey. You could file a report and not do anything. Thequestion I always want to ask is “why?” All you are doing is killing trees.
How will having someone fill out a form make anyone do anything about it? The report will be filed away never to be seen again. If you press charges you may force the issue enough to get satisfaction. The juvenile courts are generally set up to help the children more than punish (depending on the incident of course). If you feel this child is going to be dangerous and no one is doing anything about it you may have to do it yourself. If it goes to the courts the child may be forced to go through counseling and have any mental conditions diagnosed and treated. Filing a report may make you feel like you’ve done something but you would have only wasted everyones time if you aren’t going to follow up on it.
