Hello all. I’ve been a lurker for 15+ years, so I don’t feel all that new. I’ve never really felt like I’ve had anything I’ve wanted to post before. Something occurred recently that I thought might be good to type out to help process.
My son is 6 and in first grade. He has behavioral issues and has been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for a couple of years. His main behavior issues are defiance, refusal to engage in non-preferred tasks, elopement and physical aggression. He was kicked out of several pre-schools and Kindergarten did not go well for the first few months. He was given an IEP and moved to a special classroom with about 5-6 other students with a teacher and two aides. There has been a lot of improvement in his behavior and education. He had recently started mainstreaming in math and it was going well.
The new classroom is in a different school in our district and so he receives bussing service. Last week there was an incident on the bus, which is causing my wife and I a lot of emotional pain. It has put his behavior into a tailspin and undone a lot of the progress he has made over the past year.
My wife received a call from the principle at his school. He was acting up in class and told her that his head hurt and that the aide on the bus pushed him up against the window. There is a video of The Incident. My wife and I really don’t want to see it but as it is described to us, the aide assaulted our son. DCFS came to our home on Friday and interviewed him. He doesn’t really want to talk to us about it. The DCFS employee said he likely is embarrassed about it. A detective from the Police Department called me today and said that based on the video, the aide should be charged with Felony assault.
My wife doesn’t really want to press charges, but left it up to me. After talking with the detective, I said that we would if it was her recommendation. The initial reports were that my son was playing inappropriately and pushed the aide first. The detective said that the video didn’t support that and my son was not behaving inappropriately.
So, that is where we are. I needed to get that out of my system. I know how supportive all you Dopers are and appreciate any advice.
Watch the video. It is the very least you owe your son.
Try to get your wife to watch the video, then ask her if she is o.k. with this happening to your son again, or to other children if she doesn’t help put a stop to it.
A coordinated story is essential-if this goes to court and your wife is put on the stand, the fact that she didn’t think the tape was worth seeing will play in that aide’s favor.
Sure, watch the video, to know what the aide may have done wrong, and to see how your son acted/responded.
If you believe the aide acted inappropriately, I’d suggest pressing charges to prevent them from doing the same to someone else.
I often wonder about what it takes for school systems and all of their staff to interact with children with issues such as you describe. Whether and how the aide ought to be punished for her actions is one set of issues. That she is likely poorly suited for her current position is another.
I agree with this. You really need to know what happened. First, so you can figure out how to handle it with your son, and second so the aide isn’t in a position to hurt children again. I bet that at some point your child will be glad you stuck up for him.
1> Seek medical attention for your child’s potential injuries. Today.
2> Watch the video
3> Press charges
If the cops see this as a felony level event, then they believe your child was physically harmed and it was likely quite violent.
Your wife likely doesn’t want to press charges because this is an emotionally charged issue, you both have gone through a lot of that, and court will bring more and keep it in your faces. She may also be concerned about unwelcome attacks from the defense attorney.
My wife is nice to a fault. She is very forgiving and doesn’t want this person’s life ruined over a mistake. We both agree that the aide should never work with kids again.
Our initial reaction was that our son can be challenging to deal with when he gets upset and that he may have needed to be restrained. Upon learning more details, it is apparent that he was not behaving in such a way that it would be been necessary and the technique used was not one that would be acceptable in any circumstance.
I may change my mind on viewing the video. All of the professionals who have seen it say that the aide was out of line, so I don’t see what’s to be gained by viewing it myself. I trust their opinions, which is why I agreed to press charges.
Do you really think my wife or I would be put on the stand? All of the info we have about this incident is second or third hand.
If this is important to both of you, then you should take steps to ensure it. Invite your wife to suggest something other than a felony assault conviction that would reliably achieve this goal. I sure can’t.
What do you think will happen if his defense learns that you and/or your wife didn’t think that watching that video was worth bothering with, and that at least one of you didn’t think it was worth pressing charges over? You have just become character witnesses for this aide, because you are taking his side over your very own son, and you don’t even know the guy.
Here’s the relevant levels of felony assault for Wisconsin, assuming that’s where you live.
(2) Whoever causes substantial bodily harm to another by an act done with intent to cause bodily harm to that person or another is guilty of a Class I felony.
(4) Whoever causes great bodily harm to another by an act done with intent to cause bodily harm to that person or another is guilty of a Class H felony.
(5) Whoever causes great bodily harm to another by an act done with intent to cause great bodily harm to that person or another is guilty of a Class E felony.
(6) Whoever intentionally causes bodily harm to another by conduct that creates a substantial risk of great bodily harm is guilty of a Class H felony.
Notice all the causing great bodily harm or substantial risk of great bodily harm? Yeah, the cops thought the guy was trying to injure your son or was very likely to do so with his actions.
The only exception may be if they’re pulling this sub paragraph;
(b) Whoever intentionally causes bodily harm to another under any of the following circumstances is guilty of a Class I felony:
The harm occurs while the victim is an operator, a driver or a passenger of, in or on a public transit vehicle.
Lawyer up. The only way this guy isn’t going to be in this position again is if you press charges.
She asked me if there a way to accomplish this without pursuing charges. If there isn’t, then she is in agreement. If that is what it takes, then that is what we will do.
Yes, he went on Friday. There are no lasting effects. By that evening, he said his head didn’t hurt any more. He has a bruise on his arm where she grabbed him. He said that he did it to himself, but clearly that isn’t true. We have a picture of it.
I have an autistic son. He too can be quite difficult at times. I can understand why your wife might feel sympathetic to the aide, HOWEVER, you are his parents. You must be his advocates. NO ONE ELSE should fight for him harder than you. There will be times when no one else will fight for him at all.
Watch the video. You owe it to your son to understand how he is treated. It may explain why his behavior changes.
Press charges to the maximum. If this aide deals with spec ed kids and treats them this way, he needs to be removed from the classroom setting and prevented from returning to it. There is no excuse at all for this type of assault. Spec Ed kids are difficult. It’s in the job description.
Please take your child to a psychiatrist for a complete diagnosis.
Under federal law, your school district must also complete testing of your child’s disabilities in order to provide him services. They should have done this in order to create the IEP. If they did not complete all tests discussed for the IEP, please request that they do so in writing, and copy the district office. There should be someone there who is in charge of special education.
If you pursue the resources available to you, dealing with your son should get easier not harder, so push, push, push for every right he has. It’s better for him, and better for your entire family.
There are a number of families on this board who have disabled children. If you have other questions, feel free to post them. We can also try to point you towards more specific resources. This board is not specifically for special ed children and their needs.
Thanks to all for your input. We have reconsidered and will watch the video. My son is going to be interviewed by the police tomorrow at a Child Advocacy center.
Sunny Daze:
This is a big part of us deciding to watch the video.
We are pursuing this. You are correct - anyone who works with Special Ed kids should have the training and knowledge on how to handle them.
He is seeing a psychiatrist and has been diagnosed as being on the spectrum. He is very different than what a lot of people normally consider traits of Autistic kids. He is quite extroverted, actually.
One of my best friends is a principal at a Special Ed school in another district and has been working in the field for over 20 years. When we set up his IEP we used a lot of info that he was able to provide on our rights. They have provides us with all of the testing and resources he needs. His IEP team had an update meeting less than a month ago and we all agreed that he has made a lot of progress and that the services we set up in his plan and his current environment are meeting his needs. This incident has shaken this up quite a bit.
Jail time may or may not be appropriate, but charges likely are. At this point you don’t know if this is a one time mistake or a pattern of behavior by the aide. The charge will allow the authorities to investigate fully. If it seems to be an isolated incident, let the DA know that you would be amenable to a reduced charge IF the plea included no more work with children.