The Punks Who Assaulted My Daughter, Part 2

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The original thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=473204 was getting a little unwieldy, so I thought I’d start another one.

This report is going to seem backwards, but I think you’ll understand in a moment. Just to recap: two punks, Punk 1 and Punk 2, sexually assaulted my 8YO daughter, mudgirl, by coercing her to put their penises in her mouth. Punk 1 is 13YO and lived across the street from us at the time of the assault. Punk 2 was barely 11 at the time of the incident (I thought he was older).

Where we live, juvenile court requires an attorney for the defendant. Both punks have admitted to what happened. Punk 2 still doesn’t fuckin’ have an attorney! His mother has been held in contempt of court, and even thrown in jail for not having an attorney for her son yet, but he still doesn’t have one.

Punk 1 had a hearing about six weeks ago, where it was decided that the sentencing would be postponed for 30 days while he underwent an in-depth psycho-sexual evaluation.

The sentencing hearing is tomorrow (Nov. 13th) at 9AM. My husband and I will be present to give a Victim Impact Statement. The ADA strongly advised that we have something pre-written that she can admit into evidence (if that’s the right term here).

Hubby and I spent Saturday through yesterday in Colonial Williamsburg celebrating our 20th anniversary. So today, the unpleasant and unsettling job of writing the Victim Impact Statement fell in my lap. For better or for worse, it’s written. I emailed a copy of it to my husband, and he says it’s fine.

While we were away, he asked me when it comes time to give the statement, do I want to give it or do I want him to do it? Initially, I said let me do it, because I’m bound to get somewhat emotional, and that actually may actually be in our favor. It’s not that he’s unfeeling or unemotional about this, but my emotions are much closer to the surface than his are.

Today, writing the statement, I’ve re-thought my position on this. I was crying the whole time I was writing the statement. Hell, I’m crying now, writing about writing the statement. Yes, my emotions might be useful, but not if no one can understand what I’m saying! So, I told him I want him right there to take over in the event that I simply cannot continue.

Special thanks go out to the very, very kind and special Dopers who have shown so much support in so many ways! And to one in particular, whom I will not name (if she wishes to be identified, she can step up, but I don’t want to embarrass her), who was instrumental in the writing of my statement.

But really, to all of you who have expressed love and support, thank you, thank you, thank you!

2

Thanks for the update. I’ll be thinking of you, especially tomorrow morning. (Jeez, how screwed up is Punk 2’s family???) I hope everyone involved gets their just desserts.

3

How can Punk 2 not have an attorney yet? Are they just dragging their feet?

Best of luck to you, hugs, and happy belated birthday.

4

I’m glad to see the wheels of justice are moving forward, however slowly.

How’s mudgirl holding up? And if you think you’re up to giving the statement, go for it. I think it will mean worlds to you to look those punks in the eye (as well as their parents.)

Can you post the statement here after the sentencing, names redacted of course?

Oh, and Punk 2’s attorney…can’t the court assign him a public defender?

How’s it been for you, having to live in the same neighborhood?

5

Glad to hear things are moving along, norinew. Just go with your gut tomorrow- whether you or your husband read the statement, there’s no wrong choice. I hope the two of you and mudgirl are doing well.

6

Can the court appoint an attorney?

7

Public defenders can’t do their job if the parent of the minor they’re supposed to represent doesn’t call them back, keep appointments, fill out statements, etc. Odds are that’s why punk 2’s mom has been in contempt of court. There’s probably some public defender out there who’s pissed he/she drew this person as a client because not only can they not do their job, they’ll be stuck with this case for months because of the non-responsive “client.”

Enjoy,
Steven

8

Ah. I took it that she was unwilling to go out and find an attorney. I didn’t think that she might have been assigned one for her son and is uncooperative.

9

Agreed.

She has her good days and her bad days. While my hubby and I were out of town, she ended up telling the whole story to my oldest daughter and her bf, and ended up crying and laying her head on my oldest daughter’s chest, to be soothed. I’ve added that incident to my statement.

I’m going to try. If I simply cannot do it, though, it’s good to know my hubby will be there to take over. I am going to tell him, though, not to be hesitant to let his emotions/anger show.

I was thinking about that, but didn’t know what the “demand” would be. So, here it is: (names omitted to protect the guilty). Here is the statement:

""The assault on my daughter by (Punk 1) has been a terrible thing for every member of my family. I have struggled with the way this has called back issues of mine from my childhood. My two older daughters now feel less safe living in our neighborhood, and are very sympathetic for their baby sister. (mudgirl) herself has been emotionally hurt by this, perhaps permanently. I have not pressed her to talk about the incident, beyond what she had to tell the police and child protective services, but at the times that she has initiated conversation about it, she becomes very clingy, and sad and angry. Even though I have praised her repeatedly for the way she handled the assault, she realizes that a very, very bad thing has happened to her. When she was telling my oldest daughter the story, she broke down crying and rested her head on my daughter’s chest, to be soothed.

My husband and I, beyond being saddened by this, are also angry. We are angry that our daughter lost a piece of her innocence at such a young age. We are angry that her attackers somehow felt that they act they committed was in some way acceptable.

It is our deepest hope that (punk 1) will be required to get intensive therapy and help, and hope fervently that it’s not too late for him to turn his life around. Beyond this, we would like very much to see mandatory counseling for his entire family.

Above all else, (mudgirl) has expressed to me her wishes that (punk 1) not be allowed to simply “get away with what he did”. Even she understands the importance of impressing upon him how wrong his actions were, and she also understands, and I agree with her, that if he does not face adequate consequences this time, he could go on and on, hurting other young girls, the crimes getting worse as time goes by.

My family and I want to live in a neighborhood that is safe, where neighbors are to be trusted, not feared."

Apparently, since Punk 1 used the public defender, Punk 2 cannot (conflict of interest or some such). However, the county is willing and able to appoint an attorney at little or no cost (on a sliding fee scale), but Punk 2’s mother just hasn’t done it. None of us understand why.

10

As I already laid out in my response to ivylass, Punk 2 cannot use the Public Defender, but the court system does have a low/no cost attorney Punk 2 can use. His mother simply has not complied with orders to do so. We’re all scratching our heads.

The ADA says his mother will likely land back in jail before this is all over. :confused:

11

BIG piles of hugs to everyone norinew. Jail is too good for those little shits. They need to be staked out on a fire ant hill, covered in honey.

12

Hugs, norinew

I do hope that your daughter and your family will eventually come to peace regarding this tragedy. You are so very strong for standing up for your little girl and have provided a wonderful role model for your kids.

13

I’ll be thinking about you and mudgirl tomorrow, norinew. Best of luck to everyone that this will all eventually be over and everyone can move on.

14

Good wishes for tomorrow, we’ll be thinking of you.

15

i hope everything works out well.

chez, could punk 2’s family make it any clearer how messed up they are? chez! i’m nearly feeling sorry for him here. chez!

keep telling mudgirl that punk 1 and 2 are the ones who did the wrong thing. she did the right thing. she is a good, strong, smart kid. it will take trillions of times telling her that to overcome what happened.

just keep saying it, and keep your eyes smilling at her.

16

Every parent’s nightmare. You and mudgirl have my utmost sympathies. I pray you find the strength to handle the tasks you must do.

17

My hugs and best wishes go out to you, too, norine.

May I make one slight suggestion on your letter?

I’ll be praying for the best possible outcome for all of you.

18

Please don’t take this the wrong way…I completely empathize with you and your entire family, and I greatly admire your ability to keep going forward despite what must be an enormous trauma for everyone involved.

But I feel badly for Punk #2. I am not saying that he should have gotten away with anything, or that what he did was in any way excusable, so please, nobody jump all over me.

But here’s a kid, barely 11, who does something wrong. Very wrong. Whether he knows it or not, whether he was coerced by his older friend (Punk #1) or not, we all agree that it was wrong. Yet his own mother couldn’t be arsed to get the proper help for him (legal and psychological) and would in fact rather go to jail than take any action. What kind of a message does that send to him? What does that mean about any other messages she may or may not have sent him?

The whole situation seems very sad. I wish you strength.

19

Best of luck to you and mudgirl, norinew. Let us know what happens.

20

On a strictly visceral level, I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for the hugs! I need all I can get right now!

A friend of mine sent me a quote recently that said something like “No one really knows how strong they are until they have no choice”.
That’s what I’m leaning on now. When I was sexually assaulted, as a kid, my mother could not find the strength in her to stand up for me. Partially because of that, and partially because of just who I am, I have to be strong now for my little girl. My tears and sadness will not stop me or stand in my way. I will do what needs to be done.

I tell her every chance I get. I tell her directly (in relation to the incident) and indirectly (when she handles a school incident in a way that shows her strength and moral make-up. I don’t know how many times I’ll have to tell her, but it doesn’t matter, because I’ll just keep telling her. Hopefully forever.

I pray for the same thing. All the prayers help. Thank you.

Shayna, thank you for your input. I shall amend my statement accordingly, because I agree with you.

Actually, if anyone disagrees with you on this, they’ll have to disagree with me, too. Ever since I found out that Punk 2 was barely 11 when the assault occurred, and knowing the history of Punk 1 (not good; he’s had police involvement since he was 5YO, and in the dictionary under “Dysfunctional Family”, there’s a pic of him, his siblings and his parents), I’ve believed Punk 2 was at least under the influence of Punk 1. In fact, had it just been a kid barely 11 who did this, I wouldn’t have made nearly as big of an issue of it as I did.

Then this. . .his own mother is apparently just burying her head in the sand hoping it’ll all go away. . .well, I can’t imagine.

I AM angry at these boys. Very, very angry. But I’m sad for them, as well. To come from a family so dysfunctional that this seems like an OK thing to do just short-circuits my brain.