The punks who assaulted my daughter (long)

I almost put this in the pit. I don’t know exactly what changed my mind, but right now, I’m under the influence of a half mg of Xanax and a glass of wine.

At about 7PM this evening, 8YO mudgirl was out in our side yard, playing. I knew there were a couple of neighborhood kids in the yard with her. The kids in the yard were: Ryan, who is approx. 12-13 years old (I’ve known him to be destructive, steal kids’ bikes, be disruptive, but never what you’d call violent) and Tyrone. Tyrone, at a guess is ~14, and he lives in the neighborhood. He’s given me some back talk, but I never thought much of it. He’s a teenage boy (more or less), so I’ve basically cut him slack.

Anyway, our bathroom is on the second floor of the house, and the window of the bathroom overlooks the side yard. I was in the bathroom, coloring my hair, and kind of keeping, well, if not an eye, then an “ear” on what was going on in the yard. I heard some mumbling and stuff, then silence for a few minutes. Then after a bit, I heard mudgirl say, in her no-nonsense way, “time out!”.

Then she came in the house and up to the bathroom where I was coloring my hair. Here is an approximate transcript of our conversation:
Her: Mom, you have to go talk to Ryan and Tyrone.
Me: About what?
Her: They forced me to suck on their private parts.
Me: :eek: :frowning:
Me: OK (trying to be calm so I don’t upset the kid) Did you actually do that, or did they just try to talk you into it?
Her: (looks at the floor)
Me: It’s OK, baby, you can tell me the truth, I won’t be angry with you. Did you actually do that, or did they just try to get you to?
Her: A little of both.

I walked, as calmly as I could, into my bedroom. I called the police station. I told the dispatcher an outline of what had happened. He said he’d send a car right over.

I put on some clothes (I was dressed in just underpants and one of my hubby’s old shirts for coloring my hair) and went to wait on the porch. I told mudgirl not to tell the boys I’d called the police. They were still in my yard. While I was on the porch waiting, 17YO EtherealFreakOfPinkness came out and asked if she could get me anything. I was pretty much freaking out, and damned near homicidal. I told her, “yeah, some Xanax” she said OK. I asked if she knew where mine was, and she said no, but she knew where hers was. She came back out with a glass of iced tea and a half mg of Xanax just as the cruiser pulled up.

When the cruiser pulled up, the punks were still in my yard. As soon as they saw a police officer get out and approach the porch, though, they split, and fast. Officer Saeler took a preliminary report and asked me if I had any way to get to the police station. “I’d rather not do this out in public, unless I have to” he said. I told him yes, I could get there (I didn’t feel comfortable driving after having taken a half mg. of Xanax, but I knew I could get my friend Bill to drive us).

As we were getting in the car to go the the station, Ryan’s father yelled over to me, “Did Ryan say something inappropriate a little while ago?” (I guess he told his father something when he saw the officer). All I said was “That would be an understatement. . .that would be a big understatement”. I didn’t tell him I was headed for the police station.

So we went to the police station. Officer Saeler asked my permission to talk to mudgirl alone, as children tend to be more open without an adult present. I said OK. While she was in the room with him and I was waiting on the bench, I called my husband and told him what was going on.

After the interview was over, Officer Saeler came out and told me he was turning this over to C3I, the investigation team, and CPS, Child Protective Services. He said they’d be in touch, likely tomorrow (Thursday) and that an officer from CPS (a female) would come with anatomically correct dolls to get mudgirl to show her exactly what happened.

I said that Ryan had been in trouble before, but his youth had protected him so far. Officer Saeler looked at me gravely and said “This is serious; she (pointing towards my daughter) is eight years old”.

Officer Saeler advised me not to talk to the boys or their families about the charges until a police talks to them. I can certainly keep them off my property, but just don’t discuss it with them. It’s better, he said, if there’s an element of surprise.

I’m somewhat. . .sedated. . .by the Xanax, and the glass of wine. But I want to hurt people. I want to hurt them badly. I thank God that mudgirl doesn’t seem overly traumatized by this. I’ve praised her for the way she’s handled the situation. She did exactly the right thing. But God, I want to hurt someone for hurting my baby. . . :frowning:

Ugh. I am so sorry for both of you. Luckily, your daughter trusts you enough to talk to you about it, she will be fine. Take her to a counselor so she can understand what has happened and not go down the wrong path (you know what I am talking about – some girls don’t understand that they did nothing wrong, and well. You know). Just be vigilant, and do not back down no matter what the other parents try to pull. This is their responsibility. Hugs to you both (and your husband, too, I know it will be hard for him).

Stay mature and remember that while what the boys did is abhorrent, they are children and may have never been taught the right from wrong that you want them to know. I am not absolving them, just reminding you to think about how you would feel if the tables were turned and you were the boys’ mother.

Holy shit. I’m so sorry, norinew. I don’t have any brilliant advice–it sounds like you’ve done everything right so far, and all you can do now is keep your chin up and be there for your daughter. If you aren’t comfortable looking at some sort of counseling for her yet, definitely consider it for yourself, to help you help her…and be ready to step in when necessary.
I’ll keep you and yours in my thoughts. Hang in there.


Is this what the issue with the pool transmogrified into?

You have done an awesome job raising a daughter who can say, “Time out” to a couple of older boys assaulting her and who knows she can come to you and talk about it.

Jesus Christ.

Oh Norine, I am so sorry! I am just so glad you were there, heard a bit of what was happening, and that your daughter was smart enough to come and tell you.

Please keep us updated. These boys could definitely be doing this to other kids, whether it be a sister or cousin or other neighborhood kids, who may not be savvy enough to know to say “time out” like MudGirl. And this may put a stop to future victims being abused.

Jesus. I don’t know how you could just sit there calmly and wait for the police. I would have gone to jail for kicking the shit out of those little scumbags. Why weren’t they arrested on the spot?

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I hope she comes through ok. I’m sure she will.

Keep us updated. I want to know what happens to those little shits.

DtC (father of 2 daughters, including an 8-year-old).

I was also wondering this – especially after they ran off after seeing the police. Or, why weren’t they picked up that very day? Why are they waiting until tomorrow, giving the boys time to get their “stories” straight.

Oh, my. I had tears in my eyes after reading that.

Yes. And you are an awesome mom, whom she can go to. Good on you.

You handled this amazingly well. Hugs to all of you. I don’t even know what to say about the punks; nothing seems bad enough.


According to the OP the police have to refer this to CPS, and CPS want to interview mudgirl, presumably to make sure there aren’t any inconsistencies in her story, before they can go and grab the kids.

As much as I too would like to see the boys grabbed and thrown in jail immediately, I understand why CPS would want to be careful with this - even as kids, it’s the kind of allegation that can ruin someone’s life. I’m certainly not saying that mudgirl has lied in any way, but how would you feel if the police came and arrested your kid just on the say so of a girl down the street?

[Edited to fix BBcode typo]

You handled that very well norinew, and especial kudos to **mudgirl **for her handling of the situation. I hope those boys can get the help they need before it is too late (if it isn’t already).

I’ll keep you and yours in my thoughts. Let us all know what happens.

Word. And from your calm and collected reaction, it’s not tough to figure out where she got it.

It is difficult for me to put myself in the place of their parents, since their parenting style seems to be “stay on the porch and scream at the kids” (they have five of them). But no, even though my gut reaction is “kill them”, I know that’s not the right thing to do.

bodypoet, thanks. I’m definitely considering counseling for myself, and for mudgirl if it seems necessary. This brings up all kinds of bad feelings about how I was molested as a child. Now, my situation was totally different from this, as my mother knew what was going on and decided not to put an end to it. I will not, WILL NOT, leave my little girl feeling like I could have done more and elected not to. Still, though, very unpleasant associations, you know?

DtC, you have very little idea how much self-control it took for me to not go after those boys in my yard with a baseball bat. Really. I saw them calmly sitting there on the brick wall that runs alongside my house, and I wanted to hurt them. Not kill them. I’m a theist. Hurting them is worse, IMO. And I really, really wanted to do it. I knew, though, that it was not in anybody’s best interest to do so. But they so do not want to be on my property in the future. When I told my hubby about it, he said, very calmly, “I’ll kill them”. He’s not very emotional. But I don’t believe he’ll just stand calmly by while someone hurts his little girl.

nyctea scandiaca, apparently they weren’t picked up today because the best shot at really punishing them comes from building a case against them, which takes time. This is why the officer suggested I not talk to them or their family members about it. They will work to build a case before any formal charges are brought.

freckafree, we ended up taking the pool down, unfortunately. Just too many wild kids in my yard. But some of the kids continued to hang around. Yeah, Tyrone was one of the kids who started coming around for the pool, and kept coming around.

Anaamika and gardentraveler, thanks for the kind words.

Queen Bruin, I , too, hope the kids can get help before it is too late for them. Unfortunately, I think it’s too late for Ryan. His parents are no more fit to be parents than I’m fit to be the Queen of England. I don’t know why those kids weren’t taken out of their custody long ago. I don’t know so much about Tyrone.

Sierra Indigo, I completely understand they need to be careful before formal charges are brought. Viscerally, I’d love to see them hauled off, but logically, I know it can’t happen, and I understand why.

CatFight, as I think I’ve said, I’ve praised her, more than once, for the way she’s handled the situation.

Jesus Christ, Norine. Happy good thoughts to the little one.

This is unbelievable, norinew. You and mudgirl are in my thoughts.

I’m amazed at your self-control, and I’m feeling ill over what those boys did to your little girl. I’m so sorry, and I’m so glad she told you.

Sorry I wasn’t more clear norine, that was more aimed at the others who were questioning why the boys weren’t grabbed by the cops straight away. I figured you’d understand why the authorities were doing things as they were, or they would have at least explained it to you.

Good luck.

I’m not even her parent but I find myself wanting to crawl through the computer and hurt somebody. That norinew had the sense to stay cool speaks volumes for her talent as a parent. I’d be in agreement with father, in wanting to kill them. The only thing that would be holding me back would be that the child would suffer, if her parent was taken away for assault, or murder.

God forgive me, the issue of child abuse makes me angry like nothing else.

Please, keep us informed if you are up to it.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Agreed, kudos on your calm and mature response. I’m not sure that I’d be capable of that in your position.

Kudos and {{{hugs}}} to mudgirl as well - the former response for also knowing the right thing to do. I hope that she doesn’t suffer too much as a result of this. :frowning: