A male relative of mine tried to get a vasectomy when he was single and in his mid-20s. No one would do it - all the doctors he consulted told him to wait until after he got married to make the decision.
Yes, but that isn’t it. Women get told that their doctors WON’T sterilize them because “they might change their minds.” This isn’t about avoiding risks - or women wouldn’t get their tube tied at all. This is about doctors saying “we don’t believe you really have thought through not having children.”
This was basically my experience. We already had two kids. My wife was in attendance during the consultation but the doc didn’t ask her any questionS IIRC. When I made the appt for the consultation they sent me a couple of brochures on the procedure to read. During the consult the doc asked a couple of questions along the lines of “did you read the literature and are you sure this is what you want?” After I affirmed yes he gave me a bunch of release forms to sign and scheduled the procedure. No biggie.
How can I put this?
It is much more usual for a woman to be pressured into a permanent method of contraception by her partner than for a man to be pressured into a vasectomy by his partner.
By the time the guy is there asking to get snipped, you’re already pretty sure he wants it.
Here, one doesn’t need the consent of the partner, but it is considered advisable to at least speak to them and check that they are aware of the situation. YMMV.
No-one wants to be the doc who referred a guy for a vasectomy, who then sees his wife in tears because she can’t get pregnant and who can’t tell her why because of patient confidentiality.
Expect leaflets, dire warnings about both permanence and failure rates, and the rare complications like chronic testicular pain.
If you want it, you’ll jump through the hoops, if you don’t- you’ll be glad the hoops were there to put you off.
I had mine 8.5 years ago. My wife was pregnant with our third at the time.
My wife and I met with the urologist who asked us about how many kids we have, how long we’d been together and a few others I can’t remember.
I don’t know if he would have done it without her consent. I didn’t really need to test that aspect out so I just had my wife come along for the consultation.
My doctor didn’t ask anything, though the forms I filled out did indicate I was in my 40s with 3 kids already. He did inform me that reversals are expensive and chancy at best. He didn’t talk to my wife either, but that may be because they know each other & she referred me to him.
To be fair and spread the blame a bit more, the doctor is also saying “I don’t care to be sued by you 10 years from now even though I have multiple signed & notarized releases indicating you were aware this procedure was permanent, and have a sympathetic but foolish jury destroy my livelihood.”
I went last year. No forms for the wife and she wasn’t present for anything but the procedure itself to drive me home.
I was asked about kids (I have two though) and I’m married & pushing 40 so I may have gotten a different level of questioning than a single guy in his 20’s. He did make the point of saying there’s no guarantees on reversing it and it’s not as easy as it might sound.
Since the OP is 39 and presumably his finance is in the same age range, and they have both been previously married and neither has wanted kids until now I’d expect less pushback from a doctor than if they were, say, 22. By 40 you usually know yourself well enough to make such a permanent decision.
It’s going to vary somewhat from doctor to doctor, but I’d be surprised if the OP can’t get this done with minimal hoops to jump through.
I recall a married couple who were in their mid-40’s and the man went in for a vasectomy. When the doctor asked if he was sure he and the wife didn’t want kids the guy said “20+ years of birth control, and the two times it didn’t work she scheduled the abortion the day after the pee test was positive - no, we don’t want kids”. Doc said fine, sign these forms, and did the deed.
And then his scrotum got infected and his wife dragged him back to the doc to fix that, but it cleared up quickly and no harm done. Just, ya know, if you do have unsual pain, swelling, and redness afterwards it is a good idea to have things looked at, m’kay?
My ex got his done at 26. Single, no children. He got grief from the doctor at first, but he also has a brain disorder that he doesn’t want to pass on to any possible offspring, so in the end he got what he wanted.
I realize that if you could see me, you’d realize I feel much older than I am, but let’s not rush things! I’m still 36. 
Many people have felt this way about this and other issues and later changed their minds.
And in particular, many people in or beginning new relationships are overly confident that the relationships will last and that their current partner is the Right One and their True Soulmate. But these things can change, and who is to say that a guy currently in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want children will later find himself yet again searching for his True Soulmate, but this time shut off from that segment of the population that does want children.
Note: this is not a comment about your situation specifically. It is intended as a general comment about the attitude.
I haven’t gone through this before, obviously, but I’d think that anyone – male or female – who is making the decision to end his or her ability to reproduce should first decide whether that decision is right for them as an individual before progressing to working out whether that decision is compatible with their current partner and relationship goals. I think that’s the best way to avoid having the sort of potential regret you bring up. If the two desires (personal desire versus desire within the current relationship) don’t mesh, then perhaps that’s a reason not to seek a permanent solution, but the individual priority should be the leading one.
Of course, that may be a lot tougher for a person who has already had children and whose motivation for becoming sterile may be different from someone who has not children and has never wanted any. That’s clearly a perspective I have no insight into.
Understood, but if it was as easy to isolate and prioritize individual priorities as you suggest, then your OP and many of the responses would be moot.
And your post that I quoted was also heavily based on your partner’s perspective.
I don’t mean to suggest at all that it’s easy. I don’t think there’s anything remotely easy about it. I mean to suggest that the individual priority is most important, that’s all.
I got mine 13 months ago and my wife had to sign a permission slip but I don’t think it was absolutely necessary. She never went to see the doctor and they didn’t do anything to verify that it was my wife who signed the form.
My consultation was fairly brief and they didn’t ask for my woman to be present or even solicit her opinion directly (they asked me what she thought of it). Basically dude wanted to know if I had any kids, and I did; and he asked me if I wanted anymore, and I said something along the lines of “I’ve got two and another on the way. If something happens and I still only have two, I’m good with that.” I think at that point the urologist was on board with sterilizing an asshole like me ASAP. Too bad he couldn’t have gotten to my old man 40 years before.
I did have to get the form signed by my wife, but we already had two kids. YMMV.
I also had to sign a form that men with vasectomies have prostate cancer at somewhat higher rates than those that don’t. I told the doctor that I suspected that might be due to men who get vasectomies, especially forty years ago, had more access to medical care and therefore more diagnoses.
FWIW. YMMV. It’s nice not to worry about condoms and pills and whatnot.
Regards,
Shodan
C’mon, just take that last logical step and postulate the medical profession causes the condition. You never see the little pill they’re ramming up your tuckus while they “check” your prostate.
I once heard that if the patient says “I’ll bank some”, a lot of doctors will say “then you’re not 100% sure you don’t want kids, get outta here”. No data on that, however.
I was not asked to sign anything when Typo Knig got “the operation”. Then again, we were in our early 40s, had 2 kids, definitely did not want more for a number of reasons, and he needed other surgery “down there” for a condition that had been diagnosed pre-kids. The doctor (same doctor) he consulted back then said “wait until you’re done having kids and are willing to get a vasectomy, because fixing this will risk your fertility”.
So, he had the longish history with the doctor, so this was not a case of someone coming in from the blue and saying “got a weed wacker, doc?”.
If there is a weed wacker involved, I may have to reconsider this procedure!
In all seriousness, though, I always think of the term “snip” when it comes to a vasectomy, but I don’t know what the actual process is. (I assume I’ll be told all of that during my consultation, but if someone feels like explaining, feel free to do so.)