So, a friend of mine (it’s actually me, but don’t tell anybody!) is planning on having a vasectomy soon. I’ve got a pre-procedure consultation scheduled for the middle of next month.
I seem to recall hearing that women – and in particular, young women – who want to take permanent measures to end any chance of pregnancy are put through the third degree before being allowed to proceed, including questioning whether the woman’s spouse or partner (if one exists) approves of the procedure. I don’t know personally if is true, but if it is, this strikes me as an incredible invasion of someone’s privacy. But I digress.
I’m curious about whether men who undergo these procedures are asked the same kind of questions. I mean, I’m a 36 year-old who has never had nor wanted children, nor do I resemble Taye Diggs, so I don’t expect any doctors to throw themselves before me insisting that I must impregnate some folks before my sperm is tragically lost to the world. But, generally, do men (in the United States, at least) have to go through some sort of screening process in order to have a vasectomy? Would (and could) a doctor refuse to perform the procedure if the doctor thought the patient had not thought through the process, or hadn’t consulted with his partner?
Had mine done back in 2000. My wife was not in attendance with me at the consultation.
Doctor asked me, “Have you had all the kids you want?”
I replied, “Yup.”
He asked, “How many do you have?”
I answered, “Zero.”
He had no problem with that.
He did discuss the possibility of a reversal, but also was clear that it is is fairly more complicated and is not a guarantee.
Frankly, I thought the operation was not that big of a deal. Any time I hear of men who make their wives get their tubes tied, I think to myself, “You wuss…”
Based on when I got mine 17 years ago: Idaho, the state will pay for your vasectomy regardless of your income. This is based on the proposition that your vasectomy is cheaper than paying medicaid and welfare for the kids you father but are unable or unwilling to pay for yourself. Yes, if your spouse is not in agreement, they (the doctors) will NOT do it. Yes, they ask and in Idaho you have to go through the exact same counselling session three times before the surgery.
At the time I got mine, I was told by the doctor that most doctors would not do it if you were under the age of 21, or did not have kids yet
ETA tasty agreement with Earwax, your a wuss and a cad to make your wife have major invasive surgery so you don’t have to have a minor outpatient procedure, plus you miss out on all the groovy drugs
My ex-husband had the operation done when he was 28 years old and I don’t remember the doctor giving him a hard time about it. We did have children already though, so I don’t know if that made a difference. I was with him at the appointment and the doctor did not ask my opinion. But I guess since I was there, he probably figured that I approved.
I was 26 at the time, and had asked my doctor if she would “fix” me after my son was born. She suggested that my ex have the procedure done instead, saying it would be easier for him. And besides, I was a little young (according to her).
When I had mine done, the doctor asked SWMBO to come in for the consultation. He wanted to be sure we were both on board with the procedure. I said basically, we’ve got her two from a previous marriage, I’m 45 and too old to be a daddy from scratch. She said, yeah what he said.
it might depend on where and when. an individual urologist might require an outside psychological evaluation. a vasectomy clinic would have staff and process to do that.
written consent from spouse seems usual for voluntary sterilizations.
This is 20 years ago, so take that into consideration, but the doctor did ask me if my husband’s vasectomy was okay with me. As I recall, they asked if I wanted any more children, or if that would change if anything happened to the ones we had. And I’m pretty sure I had to sign a consent form. They might also have asked him if he would think differently if he married someone else in the future. It was pretty thorough.
I got mine in 2004, and the pre-vasectomy consultation was quick & painless. I asked the doctor for a vasectomy. He said, “Really?” I said, “Yes.” He then questioned aloud whether my HMO would pay for elective surgery on someone with no kids. I asked him what my HMO (his employer) would rather pay for: a vasectomy, or pregnancy, childbirth, and 18 years of childcare. He signed the authorization on the spot.
The urologist who did my vasectomy sent a packet with several forms. My wife had to sign a statement saying that she agreed with me about having the vasectomy, we had to answer several demographic questions (age, how many children, etc.), and we had to write an essay explaining why we wanted the procedure. My wife also had to go with me and tell the doctor in person that she agreed. Only then did he agree to go ahead with it.
This may all seem burdensome, but I didn’t mind. If I had minded I could have found another doctor. He explained that some men do later regret doing it and he tries to weed them out since the chances of a reversal working are slim. I think what convinced him that we were sincere was that our essay essentially said “We don’t want any more children. We’re not even sure that we want the ones we have.”
I’ve been meaning to look into this (things oddly keep coming up whenever I get free time). The euphemism I use is “seeing the guy about the thing.” As in “yeah, we just had another kid - I really have to see the guy about the thing.”
If, when I do see the guy about the thing, said guy asks me any pressing questions about whether I’ve fully considered the ramifications, I shall interrupt him, and tell him I have four kids. I anticipate an “okkkaaay, so how quickly do you wanna get clipped?”
Hmm. Well I’m not married at the moment. While my fiancee has absolutely no objection to me going through the procedure (in fact, she’s very much in favor of it), I find it annoying that she might be dragged into needed to consent to it.
Based on what people here are saying, the fact that I haven’t already had children might cause a urologist to press the issue more.
I had a vasectomy earlier this year. I was engaged at the time of the consulation, but my fiancée didn’t come to the consultation visit with me. The doctor asked me how many kids I had. When I told him none, he stressed that vasectomy was considered permanent. He wanted to be sure that I understood what I was doing, but he did not attempt to dissuade me.
A vasectomy is like a face tattoo times a thousand. You may want to sit and have a good think about this.
My wife and I didn’t really want to have kids all the way up until the day we did. Do you have any reason to believe your fiancee is pysically incapable of having kids?
I don’t know, man. Maybe give the marriage a year or so and re-visit the topic.
If a doc does give you any grief about it, you could offer to bank some sperm for the just in case scenario. That would make more sense than counting on a reversal.
I don’t think that most docs woudl freak out over someone your age asking for a vasectomy though. I think the only reason that some of them do make people jump through a lot of hoops is the fear that some idiot will try to sue over a regretted vasectomy because telling them, “Seriously, this is permanent, you idiot” just once is not enough for some people to really get it.
My husband made an appointment, got snipped. No forms for me to sign, no one asked my opinion (which was “I’m sick of being on the goddamn pill! You said you’d get snipped after she was born and she’s now walking!!! Take care of it or you aren’t going to get laid!” ;))
I have a number of single male friends who have been snipped. There seems to be (generally) fewer hoops for men to go through than for women.
I honestly do not recall if the doctor asked my Wife anything. I am pretty sure the interview covered that we had two children and I am really sure we didn’t want another. I’m also sure I signed a few things and had some pamphlets to bring home.
This is going to the second marriage for both of us. My fiancee was previously married for 12 years (and she is older than I am), and I was married for 10. Both of us, throughout our adults lives, have been turned off by the idea of having children. It is definitely not for lack of thinking about it. I understand the permanency of the idea (and, to follow your analogy, I have a tattoo – although not on my face). I believe it’s the right decision for me.
I had a vasectomy about 10 years ago when I was in my mid 30’s.
I told the doctor that I have known all my life that I never want to have kids.
He just said something like “no problem, you are old enough to know what you want”.
Having a vasectomy was fast and easy. One of the best decisions that I have ever made.
A little swelling and pain the next day, but otherwise no effects on my sex life other than not having to worry about pregnancy.
