I’m 23 and doing a Masters in CS in college. I’ll get my first part time job in Christmas (late I know for my age) and will be earning £13 an hour. A vasectomy where I live costs about £600 without insurance.
I’ve asked on other forums and it seems that almost everyone who gets it is married and/or has a kid. I don’t want either but want a relationship with a girl without worrying about pregnancy. I know STD’s are still a concern but I can get tested regularly.
Are people in my age range who desire sterilization abnormal? I’m just worried I may be refused by a urologist if he deems me too young.
A woman I know wanted her tubes tied when she was in her twenties. Her doctor initially refused, telling her she might change her mind later on. She eventually explained that she hated kids, and if she got pregnant she’d deliver at home and bury it in her yard.
Her doctor ended up doing the surgery after she had a psychiatric evaluation.
Yeah, at your age it is probably considered young, and you will hear the whole “you may change your mind” thing a lot. People will try to talk you out of it, so be prepared for that.
The good news: a vasectomy is reversible, if you do change your mind.
Your own cite says “Almost all vasectomies can be reversed. However, this doesn’t guarantee success in conceiving a child. Vasectomy reversal can be attempted even if several years have passed since the original vasectomy — but the longer it has been, the less likely it is that the reversal will work”. That’s a long way from “is reversible”.
Docs who do vasectomies and tubal ligations have been sued in the past by people who later regretted the choice to become sterile, even though they’d been counselled about possible regret, and signed off with proper consent. It’s rare for such a suit to succeed, but they are a PITA to deal with regardless. So docs are hesitant to immediately take the word of someone who’s young, never had kids, and is asking for sterilization. Be prepared to be persistent if it’s your true desire.
A friend of mine got a vasectomy when he got married - I think he was 21. Neither he nor his wife wanted kids, and he didn’t want her to be the one having sterilization surgery. They just celebrated their 45th anniversary with no regrets.
I think the fact that both of them had shitty family lives before they found each other had a lot to do with their decision.
Maybe it’s just me reading tone that isn’t there, but this almost sounds like you don’t presently have a GF or a sexual relationship and want the vasectomy to improve your chances of having a swinging bachelor baby-free + commitment-free = carefree lifestyle.
If so, that’s a bit shortsighted to my (older, married, childless, vasectomized) tastes. If you’re thinking that, IMO you’re thinking wrong. Or at least, akin to suicide, proposing a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
And if I’m injecting ideas into the thread that just aren’t really there, then I apologize for the confusion.
I think it’s perfectly valid for a young person to earnestly commit to not increasing the population in general and not becoming a parent in particular. I felt that way when I was young, never changed my mind, and got a vasectomy in my mid-thirties. If I’d done it a decade sooner it probably would have made my life slightly less complicated and I’d still have no regrets.
Just be sure you’ve thought it through and it’s not what LSLGuy said. Good Luck!
You should still use birth control for a variety of reasons:
Vasectomies aren’t perfect
Sometimes your body will reconnect the tubes on its own
Some SDIs are nasty and have life-long consequences
From just personal experience, I don’t think you’ll really know how you feel about having kids until you’re in your 30’s. You’re still pretty young now. If you get married, you may start to feel that having a child is something you want. And it’s pretty common for women to also want children. If you have been sterilized, some women may see that as a negative. Be sure any potential long-term partners realize this so that it’s not an issue down the line.
At only 23, relationships easily come and go. I think you’re going to want to delay such a final decision. Of course I’m 68, have 3 great children each who have provided us with 2 grands.
Your stated reason for wanting a vasectomy seems rather . . . short term. I’m not saying that you haven’t considered the possibility that at some point in the future you might be in a committed conjugal relationship and that you and your partner might want children, but nothing in the OP suggests that you have. A doctor will want to explore this with you.
In medical ethics terrms, vasectomy is a slightly unusual case in that it’s not a treatment for any illness, disease or incapacity - fertility is not a disease. On the contrary, it’s a treatment designed to bring about an incapacity. This means the doctor isn’t constrained by the usual ethical considerations that require him to treat an illness; he doesn’t have to do this unless he thinks its a good idea, and he probably won’t think it’s a good idea unless (at least) he is satisfied that you have thought this through fully and made a properly-informed and properly-considered decision. So me may want to to have counselling first.
The great majority of men who have vasectomies are over 30, or have already had children, or - usually - both. Expect your doctor to encourage you to defer this decision, and in the meantime to consider the merits of condoms.
Possibly an exception to the norm here, but when we became a couple in 1969 Mrs. Cretin and I were surprised (and relieved) to learn that neither of us ever had, and never would, want to become parents. Decided then and there to be childless by choice. Male sterilization was simpler and cheaper than female, so after we’d been married a while I had my vasectomy at the ripe old age of 21.
The Doctor spent about ten minutes strongly urging us to reconsider, we’d regret it someday etc. etc. To his credit, we knew it was sound advice, but was just plain wrong in our case.
Today we’ve been a couple for 51 years, still happily married for 50; my vasectomy was 48 years ago. Neither of us has regretted the decision for a single moment, and we’ve seldom even given it any thought.
For whatever it’s worth, even in our old age we’ve never met a childless-by-choice person who regretted it.
Also FWIW, we’ve always enjoyed kids, just never wanted any ourselves.
By the way, sincere congratulations on your kids and grandkids! As you probably know, not everyone is blessed with children who turned out great.
My ex-fiance got a vasectomy when he was 23 or 24. I don’t recall him having much trouble getting it, but he also had a family history of schizophrenia so that might have been why.
We’re still friends so I’ve kept up with him over the last 20 years. The vasectomy never reversed itself but he did end up with kids that he was very happy with. Stepkids, obviously. It wasn’t so much that he was averse to ever being a father, he just didn’t want to pass down the bad genes.
Just an observation, but if the OP’s goal for a vasectomy is “hot sex with a bunch of different women without needing a condom” he may be disappointed in the results if he ends up getting one. “It’s all right, I’ve had a vasectomy, we don’t need to use a condom” is not a very believable line from a new sex partner, even if it happens to be true.
Having said that, I think getting a vasectomy at any age is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, as long as it is done with a real understanding of the consequences and a real commitment to not having children. I’ve known men who got vasectomies in their 20s, so it’s probably not impossible to find a willing doctor.
I would definitely agree with this. It’s a good idea to use a condom anyway if you’re not choosing to be monogamous, and mentioning your vasectomy on every first date is bound to be a turnoff.
It is, however, nice to know you can’t accidentally get someone pregnant if something goes wrong. Just don’t use that as a pick-up line.
Can I ask why it would be a turnoff? I thought the reverse:
for short term relationships/flings a vasectomy is an absolute plus.
for long term relationships however, most women would find it a turnoff.
I know though that vasectomies don’t prevent STD’s and if I don’t wear a condom, I could get HIV where treatment would end up as expensive if not more than the cost of raising a child.
Just curious, have scientists developed a vaccine against multiple STD’s?