What started out as playful banter between my husband and I has become something a little bit serious.
While he is satisfied with one child, I’ve always wanted at least two, but preferably, four. He joked that he’d just go get a vasectomy and that would be that.
I told him that he couldn’t do that without having a serious medical reason unless he had my consent, y’know, since we’re properly hitched an’ all. He is convinced that if he doesn’t want to father more children, he doesn’t have to…to quote, “Nobody can force me.”
I’m pretty sure I have as much say so over his sperm as he does. I told him that “If you don’t want to have a baby, I have no right to trap you by ‘accidentally’ getting pregnant, but likewise, you have no right to deny me a child by having a vasectomy without my consent.”
It seems logical to me…am I right?
“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
His jewels are his. As much as your womb is yours. You could no more prevent him from getting a vasectomy than he could prevent you having an abortion. In any case, if he would need to do is tell the urologist performing the snip that he is single.
My husband had a vasectomy in November. It was a mutual decision. I went to the doctor’s office with him, and before the surgery, the doctor conferred with both of us, and explained the procedure. There was a consent form to sign. Both of us had to sign it.
When my mother had her tubes tied 15 years ago, my dad had to give his consent, even though my parents were separated. The divorce wasn’t final, so since my mom was still married to him, they needed my dad’s consent.
That’s the way it is here in Michigan, anyway.
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
“When my mother had her tubes tied 15 years ago, my dad had to give his consent, even though my parents were separated. The divorce wasn’t final, so since my mom was still married to him, they needed my dad’s consent.”
—Crist
If that’s true, it sucks.
Peace,
mangeorge
I only know two things;
I know what I need to know
And
I know what I want to know
Mangeorge, 2000
I had a vasectomy last May and my wife had to sign a consent form. The doctor would not do the procedure without her signature. Maybe he was just covering his ass against a lawsuit. I guess that it is concievable that he could be sued, by a wife wanting more children, if he sterilized the husband against her wishes.
I am not aware of any law that requires the Wife’s consent to Hubby’s vasectomy, and I rather doubt that such a law would be legal. I think it would fall under the same analysis as the abortion issue, from an off-the-cuff legal perspective, anyway. You can’t legally require him to get you pregnant (although in the Catholic church it might be grounds for an annulment if he refused to do so, or to try, anyway. That’s a whole 'nother thread.) Think about it: would you want HIM to have a legal veto power over whether you could get your tubes tied, or have an abortion? (And, of course, I don’t discount the possibility that some state somewhere has a law like this on the books, but I don’t think it would stand up to a legal challenge.)
I don’t doubt for a minute that manny doctors require the spouse’s signature on a piece of paper, though. I’ve represented a lot of doctors who have been sued over this type of surgery with just one signature on the page – I agree wholeheartedly with the poster above who theorizes that it’s a CYA gesture.
Mangeorge: It is true. My mom had to reschedule her surgery because of it. But since they were still legally wed, like other posters have said, the hospital had to cover it’s behind.
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
When it comes to vasectomies, at least here in Ohio, Commander Fortune is exactly correct. There is no need for permission of the wife or SO.
I personally was “clipped” 10 years ago, and I’ve been quite happy about it ever since. At the time, I was married to the “ex-wife from Hell,” but I didn’t know that then. She was an RN, and had what you might call a “professional” interest in the procedure. She was delighted to be present during the whole shebang! (I can only imagine her glee when the doctor tested his own anesthesia by pinching a fold of my scrotum in a hemostat and walking halfway across the room with it, asking, “Can you feel this?”)
At any rate, a vasectomy is a relatively minor surgical operation, and generally requires no permission from any SO. I do recall that my doctor insisted on a 24-hour “waiting period,” and that I read some pamphlets and had to look at a video.
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
I can only speak with authority about procedures in military clinics in places I have been. I suspect state laws vary, and the “standard of care” varies from community to community.
In military clinics, if you are married, have 1 or more more child(ren), and are over 25, or have a serious medical or genetic reason not to have children, you and your spouse meet with the doctor, get some “counselling” (along the lines of “Y’all have thought about this huh? What if your child dies or you remarry at some point? Ya know this is permanent, right” - 40 seconds total), you sign some forms & come back at some point for the vasectomy or tubal ligation.
Without spousal agreement, or for single individuals, or for those under 25, referral to a family counsellor is required. This doesn’t mean that sterilization won’t be done; it just won’t be done next week.
In private practice, it ultimately boils down to:
Are there state laws affecting this? Docs without licenses don’t practice.
What’s the competition doing? A doc with much stricter policies than everyone else in the area is going to get less business.
What are the doc’s ethical standards? Where does personal autonomy balance against doing no harm, even if the patient asks for it?
Bottom line: I know of no place where a man cannot get a vasectomy without spousal approval if he is determined to do so. But claiming that you are single might actually slow things down compared with doing it without a spouse’s concurrence.
PS - Melin - This is a little different than an abortion in that there is no time pressure for a vasectomy.
Sue from El Paso
Does being married to another poster make me part of a clique?
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
Second child on the way, and two is our limit. I’ll probably have the snip at some point, but one thing bothers me. I hate to have the thought, but if something happens to our children it is conceivable that somewhere down the line we could want to start over and have another child. So. . .
A possible suggestion for Chris, and a question from me. You can have some sperm frozen and stored just in case. Chris, if your hubby would do this, he could have the snip and still change his mind later. Does anyone know how you go about doing this? Is there just an initial cost, or is it ongoing for storage? I presume my own freezer won’t work. Anyone?
No, that’s not the same thing at all. The equivalent would be him demanding you get pregnant again if you didn’t want any more children. “I can’t stand labor again.” “Too bad, I want a son.”
You want the right to your own body but then want a say in the man’s body? If you support the woman’s control over her own body, you have to support the man’s control over his, or you’re a hypocritical slug.
That said, decisions within marriage should be discussed together. And I can understand the doctor or hospital wanting a CYA.
Not that I don’t have sympathy for your plight, but why would you marry someone who does not share your desire for multiple children? Seems to me that would be something you’d have talked about beforehand.
I had my vasectomy a few years ago, and the doctor never asked to talk to my wife first, so I assume that’s not a requirement in Pennsylvania. He did ask if I was married and whether I had children (yes, in both cases).
(It wouldn’t have been a problem in our case, as my wife and I had both decided that it was time for one of us to get snipped and my getting a vasectomy would be a lot simpler operation than her getting her tubes tied.)
Nickrz: I suppose it isn’t really so much a “plight”…Byron’s capable of being a shithead, but not evil or selfish enough to actually incapacitate (for lack of a better word) himself without us having an agreement. We never really did talk about having kids, other than to wonder what they would look like. Speaking in plurals led me to believe that we were in a sort of unspoken agreement that there would be more than one.
Irishman:
I hope you’re not assuming that I disagree with you. I had just presumed that once people were married, their reproductive organs became “common property.” I was wrong…but that’s why I asked. I was curious if there were any legalities involved in the matter. NOT that I actually would sue my husband, of course.
Now that my question has been answered, the rest is up to me and my husband. Thanks everyone.
“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
