The Reluctant Vasectomy

For various very good reasons (one of them me being on anti-inflammatory drugs with one of the side effects maternal death if I get pregnant, another being that we don’t want kids), one of us needs to get sterilized, and all signs indicate that my husband should be the one. He mostly agrees; the problem is his needle phobia, which makes even a discussion of getting the vasectomy surgery uncomfortable for him.

Guys, (and ladies, if applicable), have you dealt with a situation like this, with one partner having difficulty facing something that he acknowledges he needs to do? Is there anything I can do to make this easier for him (other than getting the surgery myself)? I understand that nagging at him for this isn’t going to help any.

I apologize in advance.

Re: The Reluctant Vasectomy


I apologize.

I’m facing the knife myself. (After 3 kids. I’m no Sean Talty) I’m a little leery, but not needle/scalpel-shy. Strictly from a guy’s point of view, reminding him of all the unfettered, unprotected sex (::cough:: blowjobs::cough::slight_smile: you’re going to have after he gets all better should do the trick. :smiley:

Valium? Or something along those lines?

No, I’m not joking, surely they could give him something beforehand if the needles are his biggest problem. I feel the same way at the dentist; once the needles are over, I am NOT happy, but I’m better.

Sex: BJ on demand for a month.

Guilt: You’ll do it if you really love me.

Threat: You’ll do it if you ever want sex again.

Macho: A real man isn’t afraid of a little needle.

Personal Time: Do it and I won’t ask you to do a thing all weekend.

Convenience: No more rubbers/pills.

Nike: Just do it.

Well, that pretty much covers all my bases, QuickSilver.

A friend of mine is fond of the ambush method. One day he’s walking along when he’s sniped with a tranq dart. Wakes up with it done.

Don’t have any other ideas, though.

Good luck. :expressionless:

Talk to the doctor and explain your concerns yourself. I’ve heard of OBs give Daddy valium because he couldn’t handle birth…(always funny when Mom managed through the thing unmedicated). Better living through chemistry.

My dentist gives me valium before every procedure. A dose the night before and a dose an hour before. He told me he didn’t want me having a heart attack in his chair. I stress really bad at the dentist - almost to the point of panic attack. I had let my teeth go badly because of that fear, before I found this dentist.

Lots of valium before.

Baseball: Get a vasectomy and I’ll let you get to third base, baby.

I’ve told him it’s such a tiny little procedure, I could do it myself while he’s sleeping. He’s not going for it, though.

You might be onto something here, though. Maybe he would be okay with me making all the arrangements and stuff, and he just shows up at the appointed hour.

Would familiarity take some of the fear out of it? Sometimes we can imagine something much worse than the reality. There’s got to be some illustrations explaining the procedure he can study. A patient who’s had it done could talk about it (gotta choose someone who won’t exaggerate of course).

Otherwise, valium.

This has been a good method for several men I know. Wife just takes care of it, they don’t have to think about it. Once it’s on the calendar, it takes a real putz to back out. My wife did this for me after child #3 came along, since I didn’t do it myself after child #2.

Special suggestion - get references from previous patients. Technique varies greatly among doctors even in the same clinic. In the middle of your operation you really don’t want to hear the nurse say “Wow Doc, you’re really yanking on that vas pretty hard!”

If he does back out, start introducing him to new people as “My husband the wussy who doesn’t care about my health at all.”

Just ask him what the difference is between a garden hose and a prostate. When he says, “I dunno,” you reply, “Well I’ll tell you. There’s a vas deferens. Hahahahah. Oh by the way you’re getting yours cut out on thursday.”

That should do it.

This may seem obvious to others, but why does he have to be the one to get sterilized?

I mean…sure, you don’t want kids but what if you (god forbid) die and he ends up meeting the second love of his life and she desperately wants kids?

There are plenty on long-term (and one permanent, IIRC) options available to you that don’t require surgery. IMO, if you don’t want kids and you have risk factors associated with getting pregnant, the responsibility to eliminate that possiblity falls to you, not him.

What does he have to get for a home run?

It’s a much less invasive surgery for a man to get a vasectomy than it is for a woman to get her tubes tied. If one of them’s going to be surgically altered it makes more sense for it to be the man.

My procedure was quite painless and the recovery was short and no big deal. Had it done on a Thursday and I was back at work on Monday. I spent the first two days on the couch with a bag of frozen peas in my lap. The day of the surgery is the worst but entirely tolerable, just have that bag of frozen peas handy. No heavy lifting for two weeks and he might walk a little slow the first week just making sure not to jostle the boys around too much :wink:

Not anymore.

Also, outpatient laparoscopic tubal ligations have been done now for years.

Good try on fighting ignorance though.

Essure is a very new procedure - we had a thread here a while ago from a lady who suspected she was pregnant after having the Essure procedure done (and placement being correct, too, from all she could find out). I have a gut feeling (no pun intended) that this is not a good route to take. Foreign bodies are foreign bodies, and the fewer you have in your body, the better. I also have ovarian abnormalities which would probably make the Essure procedure difficult if not impossible.

Which leaves me at tubal ligation, which is a laparoscopic procedure, similar to one I’ve already had for ovarian cyst removal. Laparoscopic surgery is not major by any means, but it is somewhat difficult, and takes a good time to recover from, whereas the vasectomy from nearly all accounts is a very minor procedure. So we come back around to my husband being the one who should sack up (ha! I’m full of these tonight!) and go get it done.

Trust me, my husband and I have discussed our options. He doesn’t disagree that he’s the one who should have it done; he just gets queasy thinking about it.