I totally believe you! Gut feelings and one online anecdote make all the difference in the world!
It’s almost, like, scientific or something!
:::phee fans herself:::
You need to be discussing your options with your husband and your obstetrician (and possibly a therapist), not random strangers on a message board. How does your husband feel about this thread?
You need to behave yourself. This thread is not about “Should we get a vasectomy or not.” It is about other people sharing their stories with a similar situation (that is, the one outlined fairly clearly in my OP) that I haven’t had experience with before.
They’ve already agreed on a vasectomy. This thread is asking for suggestion on dealing with a needle phobia. Why the hell are you insisting that featherlou ought to be the one to get fixed? How is this any of your business?
What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Can’t post from the guy’s standpoint here, but as a spouse of someone who has gone under the knife.
Papa Zappa had the Big V about 4 years ago (technically, he only had half a vasectomy…). We were in our early 40s. Two very challenging kids (one with autism, one with non-specific issues), plus those pesky life-threatening pregnancy complications with Kid #2, so we were certain we wanted no more.
My spouse also had a spermatocele (cyst on one of the twins) that made it look like, well, he had a “pair and a spare”. When that was diagnosed, the doctor told him that removal could affect his fertility so we should wait until we were done having kids, and wanted a vasectomy, before removing it.
The “up side” of all that is that since the surgery itself was medically necessary, the vasectomy wound up being covered by insurance (often sterilization is not covered). Plus, my spouse got to be put under general anesthesia. So none of the tales of “novocaine didn’t work” or “could smell the burning”. I was with him until they doped him up and wheeled him away, got a good look at “Mister Happy” while he was changing into the hospital gown, and laughed hysterically at the fact that Mister Happy was doing his level best to retreat entirely… as in “micropenis”. Terror will do that to a fellow, I guess 
Anyway - an hour later, Papa Zappa was awake, minus the “spare”, and with only one incision (they were able to do the vasectomy from the incision required for the spermatocelectomy). He had to wear a support garment for a few weeks. Pain was fairly minor; I think he just took prescription-strength ibuprofen for a couple of days. There was a minor infection of the incision - not common with a vasectomy but this was a more involved procedure. Also because it was more involved, he took most of a week off of work (he thought he’d have been back after the weekend, if it’d been a more standard procedure).
The half-vasectomy was not because we like to live dangerously, but because of the malformation that led to the spermatocele - apparently he was only firing on one barrel. The other side wasn’t connected at all.
Make sure your spouse does the followup visit to the doctor a month or three later to check that he’s shooting blanks. I don’t know what the percentages are but sometimes the surgery doesn’t quite work :eek:
You’re not supposed to laugh at those, no matter how funny they look.
A man should be the one to get the vasectomy because the woman goes through pregnancy and childbirth.
I would just make the appointment for him and then gently but firmly remind him that you both agreed to it and it’s time he lived up to his end of the bargain.
Besides, I can hold out longer with no sex. “Honey, I’m going off the pill…ever want to get laid again, make the appointment.”
I’m not interesting in debating the point since it’s wholly off the OP, but this is a really f’ing stupid argument.
OK, time for a bit of pragmatic information. There is a numbing cream which can be applied about 1 hour prior to the injections, which should make the injection of the local anathetic painless. If I remember correctly, it’s called something like ENLA or EMLA. Now I firmly don’t want to get into a debate on circumcision here, I’m dislosing this to help featherlou & her hubby, but when trusquirt went under the knife, we *insisted * on anesthetic. We used that stuff, (Shoppers DrugMart carries it, how exotic can it be?) and he totally did not react when the local anasthetic was injected. Not a sound, not even a twitch. So I think it should be up to the task for work down there.
There may also be other products designed for kids getting shots. My dentist, who knows I’m a bit of a coward for pain I know is coming, uses a spray that numbs the gum prior to injecting the lidocaine (benzocaine? something-something-caine, anyway) Works wonders.
Talk this issue over with your urologist, and don’t let him pooh pooh you. If he says he doesn’t know about this, ask him to look it up. It will help him stay current. If he still give you flack, it may be a sign that he doesn’t listen to patient concerns very well, and maybe you should get another referral from your family doc.
Hope this helps.
True story:
Mine was supposed to be a one incision operation. The doc numbed me, made the incision, I felt an few tugs, and vas #1 was snipped. "Halfway home, " the doc says. I then dicsovered what it feels like to be an elderly man’s change purse as he searches for that elusive penny he just knew was in there. “I can’t get the other one through this incision,” says the doc, “I gonna have to make another”. I don’t care, I’m just there to have fun with my friends. I feel another sting as he makes the second incision. Then he roots around my sack some more and finally says “Got it!”. Next, I fell the now familiar tug. Then another. And another. Then a tuuuuuUUUUUG. The doctor regripped the scissors, and again with the tug…tuug…tuuuUUUG. The doctor actually grunted from strain just before the scissors finally snapped together. “Damn!,” he says “That was one tough vas!.” The nurse nodded in assent, apparently too awed to speak.
I’ve never been more proud in my life. The boy on the left, he put up one helluva fight!
What’s so stupid about suggesting that a man do his fair share in the birth control department?
I’ve known three men who’ve gone through vasectomies primarily because their partners went through childbirth and pregnancy. One of my in-laws personally bragged to me that he was back to work in 48 hours.
How can you tell a woman who’s delivered your own little prides and joys through ten hours of back labor or a c-section that you’re afraid of a little pain?
Heck my own husband has agreed that once we have our second child he will personally make and keep the vasectomy appointment. He swore this to me after watching me struggle with weeks of nausea, bloating, backaches, exhaustion and a grade three episotomy.
I think the OP’s husband should act like an adult and just get it over with. Tell him he’ll have his own heroic story of battling pain and fear. 
featherlou,
i believe there is a very inexpensive (free?) knife-less procedure available for men in calgary. i have a printout sitting on my desk at home that i haven’t gotten around to reading. i will try to remember to look at it and forward a version of it to you if possible. i got the info from Rebekkah, who I believe you may have met(?)
That would be great, Scoob. It doesn’t involve Jim wearing plutonium underwear, does it?
I do remember you and Rebekah - you were at the shooting Dopefest a couple months back, weren’t you?
(By the way, we’re doing a couple of Dopefest Dinners at the end of July that you and Rebekah are more than welcome to come out to.)
And it’s STILL abdominal surgery, and it still sucks. I had it done in February. It’s still easier for a man to have a vasectomy than for a woman to have a tubal ligation.
not unless he wants to!
I was indeed. It was so long ago, I hardly remember what any of you looked like - but I do remember having a splendid time. i took a dope break and apparently let my membership relapse - along with my ‘charter’ title, for shame.
would you be so kind as to email me with any details you might have so far - this way i’ll remember to dig out the knife-less vasectomy details for you 
Because the two have nothing to do with one another. The tit-for-tat nature of the point is childish.
Had you argued based on the fact she has taken birth control for 20 years, then at least we’d be on the topic of birth control.
To use childbirth as a point of oneupsmanship, something as a trump card to win arguments is friggin lame.
I’m not saying that it’s something men shouldn’t be willing to do, or making any judgements on the decision of the OP, but the conext of that argument is just bad.
Birth control and child bearing have nothing to do with each other? Huh? The two are intimately (pun intended) related. It is hardly “childish” for a woman to tell her partner that she’s had surgery or gone through labor and it’s his turn now.
I think that’s one of the definitions of maturity. The willingness to voluntarily share equal burdens.
A vasectomy is not a form of birth control? What the heck is it then?
If childbearing will endanger the OP’s health, why is it “lame” for her to ask her husband to take measures to ensure she remains healthy? Especially when they’ve agreed about those measures in advance and it’s easier for him to do then her?
My husband of ten years does not agree with you. And it’s hardly a bad argument to point out to a man that you’ve done your fair share to procreate and now it’s his turn to help out.
Yeah, it is. Elective surgery should be done based on careful consideration of the impact and ramifications. It should be considered in a bubble. Nothing outside of the benefits and risks of a surgery, any surgery, should be considered. “Cause I did it last time” is not a smart way to make decisions on medical prodcedures.
Huh? My point is that we’re discussing birth control. I said you arguing for vasectomy based on birth control pills at least keeps it on topic. Being pregnant is not a reasonable comparison to birth control. In any case, as I say above, surgery isn’t competition. Deciding on anything besides the merits of surgery is foolish.
You obviously aren’t listening. I made no comment on the choices of the OP. Frankly, I agree with the decision. Though I’d have to pretty sure that a divorce isn’t even a slight posibility, but regardless none of my comments were directed at the OP. Just that your assertion that “because she gave birth” is a good argument for getting a V (or an argument for about anything other than child rearing) is lame.
Oh, and one more thing, it doesn’t appear that the OP has given birth, so your comment was way off topic.
Still not reading what I said. I’m for the big V. Its a reasonable thing to do in the context of a relationship, especially since the woman was probably doing all the birth control to date. I’m saying that using the “I gave birth” argument to get your way is a really crappy way to get what you want. Though, I’d ask exactly what a vasectomy has to do with “your fair share to procreate”. Seems like the exact opposite of that.
featherlou,
apparently i should have read the document rebekkah gave me and not just the title. it is in fact detailing a no-scalpel procedure, but instead it uses some special piercing pliers to enter via the scrotum and a hot wire to sever the vas deferens. sounds to me like it’s actually a pretty common procedure these days, which still requires a local anesthetic, presumably via an injection.
on the bright side it sounds like trupa has suggested a reasonably viable solution
Vasectomy is the safest option if there are serious health issues involved with any possible pregnany.
Why?
Because it has a failure rate of about 1 in 1000
Tubal Ligation is 1 in 300, with an increased risk that any pregnancy will be ectopic. Which can be life-threatening in and of itself.
Mirena IUD is about 1 in 500, but it only lasts for 5 years and has its own side effects and risks.
Essure is new, and is estimated at about the same as Tubal Ligation with regard to safety, risks and effectiveness. No large-scale long-term data available.
My suggestions
Some of those might be more feasible than others.