I agree with the others that you should have no more say about his body than your own. Though I cannot believe he would actually want to have a vascetomy (sp). I mean my wife and I want to stop at two (the second is due in July) but I do not want to have any sharp instruments near my guys.
You guys need to talk honestly and openly about your feelings and not let this cause any major problems.
Find out why he does not want another child. Maybe he has valid reasons or maybe he has some unfounded fears (like he will be too old or something) Maybe when you both come to a mutual understanding of where each other is coming from, you can resolve the issue. I know there is not much room for a compromise (either you do or do not have another child), but maybe the one who does give in will feel better and not have ill feelings going forward in your marriage.
I assume you’ve rethought this position, Chris. If my husband said my reproductive organs (geez, I hate that term, makes me sounds like a Xerox machine) were common property I’d be tempted to give him a black eye. After the horrific birth of our son (Mr. 11.5 lbs) I don’t want to do it again, and he doesn’t get a say in the matter. Likewise, I’ve no right to have another kid if he doesn’t want it.
It’s important that BOTH parties agree on this sort of thing, but organs are NOT community property. (shudder)
Prairie Rose
If you’re not part of the solution you’re just scumming up the bottom of the beaker.
Dr. Sue, I’ve seen billboards locally advertising “vasectomy reversal” (with a Houston phone number). Others in this thread have referred to getting “snipped”. What exactly is the procedure, and can it be reversed?
Please bear with me, I’m only human, and still evolving.
I’ve known children whose existence was resented by a parent. I’m not sure one loving parent can make up for the bitterness of the other who wishes the kid hadn’t happened.
::shuddering again:: We had a fierce war on the old board a year or so ago over whether a husband had the right to “insist” or “demand” (I forget, exactly) that his wife breastfeed their child.
PR: Yes, consider it “rethought”…a conversation last night with Auntie Melin a few points were made (on her part, naturally) that make it very easy to see why my husband and I have no say over each others parts.
“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
Well, I hope the compromise between you and Byron involves at least one more kid, since you two make such cute ones. (Referring to Bowen.)
Prairie Rose
If you’re not part of the solution you’re just scumming up the bottom of the beaker.
What gets snipped is the tubes (vas deferens?) that transfer the semen from the testicles to the main gun, as it were.
The doctor makes a small incision (or, in some procedures, a puncture) in the scrotum, pulls out those two tubes, “snips” them, clips them off, and cauterizes the ends. Then he puts everything back and repairs the incision.
(In my case, the worst part of the operation was smelling burning flesh during the cauterization process and wondering nervously exactly what was being burned off down there. Since nobody else was panicking, I decided that everything must be OK.)
Your equipment works just as it did before, except that your semen doesn’t reach the outside world. (What happens to it? The same thing that happens to it if/when you haven’t ejaculated in awhile - the older semen dies off and your body naturally absorbs it.)
Reversing the process later involves making another incision, finding both ends of the snipped tubes, removing the cauterized/clipped ends, and sewing what’s left back together again. I’m not sure why that doesn’t always work, but it doesn’t always, and most doctors will tell you that you shouldn’t get a vasectomy if you’re not thinking in terms of a permanent solution.
The reason for most failures is that many men begin making antibodies against sperm at some point after a vasectomy. An off-the-top-of-my-head figure is 50% at 5 years. Unfortunately, since divorce & remarriage is the most common reason for wanting a reversal, and this process often takes well over 5 years to transpire, a lot of reversals are anatomically successful, but the guy is still shooting blanks.
The successful pregnancy rate after vasectomy reversal ranges from 90% shortly after the original procedure to 25% or so many years later. Tubal ligations have a higher chance of success if the original procedure doesn’t lead to a lot of scar tissue around the fallopian tubes & the ovaries.
BUT both procedures should be considered as permanent means of sterilization.
Sue from El Paso
Does being married to another poster make me part of a clique?
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
I cannot believe this… when Chris told me she wanted as many as four children, I was thinking that was too many. So the usual male response to that in an attempt to end the conversation, was to say “well, I could just go get snipped and that would be that”. I guess she thought she had some say over wether or not I should impregnate her, and here we are.
I cannot believe my nuts are the talk of the SDMB.
Since they are mine, I felt it only appropriate to post. I suppose I could have one more child, actually I had always planned on having children… just not four of them. The reason I am a little apprehensive about it is because I went through every kind of worry-hell when Bowen was just an infant. He was so small and helpless, and I would constantly check on him while he was sleeping to make sure he was still breathing, you know, worring about SIDS and all. I just recently got to rest easier now that he is past the year mark, but he is still an eyeful to watch out for, making sure he does not get into trouble or hurt himself… I guess my thinking was - if it takes this much effort to keep one child safe, how in the world can I do it for two or more at the same time? Maybe its just too hard to explain.
“Wow! Spider-Man! Are you really friends with the X-men?” "Not since Cyclops tried to use my viewmaster."
(Marvel Team Up #1)
No, but you did come across that way, at least a little. Often the argument comes up in discussions of abortion or rape about the woman’s right to her own body, it just strikes me as contradictory to hold your own body as personal but your hubby’s as community property. (Not you, but whomever does this.)
