ladies with no children, would you marry a man who...

Would you marry a man who was physically unable to procreate? I am “WAG’ING” many women who do not yet have children, would have a problem with this and would venture to adopt, or be artificially inseminated. Maybe this should be in GD? I am not sure.

Where’s the Great Debate? Some women would happily marry a sterile man, others wouldn’t. Some would use AI and some wouldn’t want a kid anyway. Personal choice with no Right or Wrong about it IMO.

Me personally? I would not have knowingly married a man who was not able to father kids unless he was willing to attempt AI. I knew I wanted children and I knew I was unlikely to be satisfied in a marriage without them. I could have come to terms with a man who discovered fertility problems after attempting to conceive.

Ok, maybe I should take this a step further then.

What about a man who intentionally had himself irreversibly sterilized, and has no desire to become a father by any other means such as AI or adoption? Would you have any sort of relationship with type of man, knowing this? If he’s a wonderful person, but simply chooses not to become a father, is that so wrong? Where is it “written” that a man is REQUIRED to procreate?

I married my first husband knowing he could not have children. I always wanted kids but I loved him and that was part of him. It never bothered me and we never made any plans to adopt or try to have children in any other way. It was just the two of us, it was passionate, juvenile and fun at times. We had dogs and cats to baby and play with, we had time for each other and it wasn’t a problem that we could never have kids. He did start drinking heavily after his father’s death and he would get violent so I divorced him and I do now have kids of my own but sometimes late at night I miss the innocence I had when married the first time around. All the money we spent on each other, the time to take naps, the ability to make love 7 times a day without someone interrupting! I think if a woman really loves a man she will love him kids or not. Not to mention a lot of women do NOT want children so that is a plus for men who are unable to.

I have yet to meet a woman who does not want children.

I did.

I have been told repeatedly how selfish I am for not having children. I have been told that we should not have been allowed to marry because our marriage has no purpose. Aren’t people wonderful?

One bitch started to put on a big pity show so I told her we had been looking into surrogate fathers. She grabbed her boyfriend and left right then.

I have yet to meet a woman who does not want children. **

My best friend is one who did not want kids. She had a tubal ligation at 25 so she wouldn’t ever have any. She even made her husband get a vasectomy so there was NO way she would EVER get pregnant. She’s not a bad person she just knows what she wants and she wants a life free of children. I support her totally, I think if more people realize they weren’t “the parent type” the world might be a better place. I think alot of women don’t want kids but are not as open about it since the belief is that all women would be great mothers or want to be a mother.

I know women who don’t want kids - probably just as many women as men in fact. Are you trying to argue that women have some sort of Overwhelming Urge to Breed and men don’t? IME this is not so

I have had relationships with men who have had vasectomies - it didn’t bother me at all. I didn’t ‘require them to procreate’. I didn’t for one second think that they were any less of a person because they didn’t want to have kids. that’s their call, not mine.

Ultimately though I chose a man I could have kids with or at least try to have kids with.

I do think it is somewhat regional. This is only a WAG at best though. I live in the Midwest, Indiana to be exact. Locally speaking, majority of women here are mommy minded, according to my experience and relationships (ie, friends, family, co workers, S.O’s, etc.)

If I had a wife and she tried to MAKE me have a vasectomy I would consider it grounds for a divorce. I saw an episode of “Home Improvement” once where Jill (the Wife) wanted Tim to have a vasectomey, to “take some of the responsibility for birth control.” I’m not opposed to that in principle, but to expect someone to just go and have an irreversible operation just because YOU want them to struck me as the most selfish thing imaginable.

What would the average woman think if her SO wanted her to have her tubes tied just he could be sure they could never have kids? Just thinking about that episode and MamaHen’s friend make me mad. I don’t feel like I desperately need kids or a family, but I’ll be damned if I’ll sterilize myself just to satisfy someone else. We’re not talking about selling an ugly piece of furniture here.

Lizard answering your tangent :slight_smile:

I have known some women who have insisted on their partners being the one to get permanently sterilised. I can follow their logic - if a couple agrees that their family is complete and the woman has enjoyed the pleasures of childbirth :wink: I can see that it is his turn to suffer.

Permanent sterilisation for the woman is a larger operation than permanent sterilisation for the man. He gets it done in the doctor’s room, she needs hospitalisation.

All that said though, there is no way I would make my partner have his manly parts sterilised but if we decided as a couple that we wanted a permanent form of contraception, I would put up a damned fine argument for it being his turn.

If as a couple we had decided against breeding (and let me tell you, today that looks like an extremely attractive option), I think I would have argued for both of us to be snipped

Also answering to lizards comments…

I made a deal with my husband. I spend 160 weeks pregnant, I breastfeed for 30 months (and counting), and when we’re done, he gets the vasectomy. Which part doesn’t sound fair?

MSK…I don’t want kids. Ever. I don’t have a maternal bone in my body and if I could live the rest of my life without ever having to deal with someone’s child that would suit me just fine! I have been told that I am limiting myself by saying I never want kids, but kids are a BIG part of life and this is just something I cannot compromise on.

Michi, my God, I think I love you.

I have yet to meet a woman who does not want children. **

You need to get out more, MSK!

I don’t want children, ever. Neither do my two sisters.

I like children - other people’s children - a lot. I love babies, how cute and sweet they are, how yummy they smell. I love toddlers - that 3-year-old age when they get to be really fun to play with. I love playing with kids and taking care of my relative’s kids. But I NEVER want any of my own. Ever. No way, now how.

And there’s lot of us out there, believe me.

Meet my wife. We knew going into our marriage that neither of us wanted children. For our first 3 years of marriage, she used the pill, and we sometimes supplemented that with other methods just for safety’s sake. (Especially if she happened to miss a pill.) She used Depro for a while, but there were blood pressure issues. After talking to her doctor and mine about the relative pros and cons of a ligation and a vasectomy, we decided on the vasectomy. Best decision ever.

I would ONLY marry a man who couldn’t have (or didn’t want) children. I’m with Michi and Mrs. Dennison here—I have all the maternal instincts of Joan Crawford on a bad career day. But I am not going to marry any man—or woman, for that matter—so it’s all academic.

Oh yeah, I forgot that I’ll prolly never marry either, so I guess it doesn’t matter much in the long run. :confused:

I’d like to clarify that when it comes to kids I am not a ogre. I don’t want to see harm come to a child or anything like that. I even think that Monster’s kid is incredibly cute in his People Page pic. But do I want to baby sit him for a night or even hold him for five seconds…umm…no thanks.

I agree with you there! Much to my mother’s chagrin I never want children or anything even remotely resembling children. What really burns me is when people look at me with that gaze of you-don’t-know-any-better pity and say “You’re still young, you’ll grow out of it.” Why? I’m 25 and not wanting children does not make me deluded and immature. I would never marry a man who wanted a family. Definite prerequisite.

I’m another childless-by-choice woman. My husband and I both went into marriage thinging the other wanted kids and prepared to make the sacrifice of having them, but we were extremely releived to discover that we could both happily do without. When it came down to him or me, we went with a vasectomy because it was far, far cheaper and less invasive. Besides, he got treated like a prince for weeks afterwards. I cannot tell you how tired I get of women giving me looks of pity upon finding out that I have no children, and offering the helpful advice that even women my age can still get pregnant. Yeah, and I went to a baby shower recently for a woman at work several years older than I, and oddly, no-one appreciated my helpful suggestion about “mommy-and-me diapers”.

In answer, yes, I would have happily married a man who didn’t want to breed.