Do NOT assume that because I don't have kids I'm in the wrong!

All of them!
Yesterday,while going to get my mail,one of the ‘soccer mommies’ who lives down the block happened to be walking by. We see each other occassionally at the pool but have never been overly friendly with each other. She waves, I wave. Then she stops as I am sort of picking through my mail. "You know, you really should have kids before it’s too late. They are so wonderful!"she gushes before going on, leaving me completely speechless. I close my mouth and go inside.
This is the kind of shit I have to go through almost every day. Young mothers,usually my age or a little older, telling me I need to have kids before it’s too late. My own BOSS tells me it’s a wonderful thing to be a parent and how NOBODY should miss out on it.
I hate this. I hate having to explain EVERY time why I choose not to have kids at this time. I don’t even know if I can GET pregnant and right now I don’t care. I have this wierd feeling that I am infertile but haven’t gone to the doctor to confirm it. I’m afraid that if I confirm my infertility, I’ll get all this unwanted sympathy from people.
Why is it that people assume that because I’ve been married for almost 4 years now that I should have at least one tot running around? I don’t get it. I really don’t.
I don’t want kids but everybody keeps insisting I need to have one. One day I WILL have a kid(it’s bound to happen eventually if I’m not infertile) and he/she will be the most fucked up kid on the block. He/she will be the one you tell YOUR kids not to play with because they are so wierd.
I can only hope.::wicked evil grin::


Youre going to have triplets!

Don’t miss out! It’s the experience of a lifetime!

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$100,000? $10,000? $500?

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o a screaming baby, 24 hours a day

o a poop factory - look at all the neat designs you can make!

o years and years of heartache and pain

o at least one totalled car

o and a lifetime supply of gray and disappearing hair!

Look at all of these great people who offer testimonies to HAVING KIDS!

“Our kids are incredible! Tommy is an all-star shortstop, and Amber is a stripper! We LOVE them!”

“My kids are honor students at You Bet Your Ass Elementary. Diego is the quarterback of the football team, and Mandy is the tight end!”

“My son’s a physicist! He earned the Nobel Prize for his exploding cucumbers!”

And these aren’t the only happy parents!

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As the mother of two wonderful children that I’m glad I didn’t miss out on…

Only have kids if YOU want them.

And tell everyone else to go to hell. Or better yet, just thank them for their advice and let them know you’ll consider it. Its much more cutting. (Why thanks, I hadn’t thought about children. Never crossed my mind. I’ll talk to my husband. Thanks again).

And anyone who “hopes” their kid will be screwed up to prove some obscure point about being a parent should certainly not be thinking about children.

Don’t count on being infertile - I know a couple of parents who were counting on “oh, I bet I’m infertile.” And don’t count on being fertile - I know lots of adoptive parents as well. If you aren’t trying to have kids, don’t bother to find out, because they won’t look at you if you haven’t been trying for a year - unless you suspect for other reasons (like painful periods, which could be endometriosis) that should be taken care of regardless of what they do to your fertility status. And most of the “finding out” is pretty expensive and invasive. And not completely successful.

A friend was lamenting the (rather serious, in this case) woes of dealing with her teenagers to my husband. Then later in the phone call, she started in with him about how we should really have children, etc. My comment to him was that misery loves company.

I don’t deny that many people have wondrous, life-changing experiences in having and raising children. However, I don’t particularly feel any parental instincts or desires. I don’t coo over babies, at least past the “congratulations” type of pleasantries. I never ask to hold them, etc., as I just don’t want to. I don’t have any real interest in young children at all, though I will interact with them if they happen to come over. I am selfish with my time, and am not financially able to support a child - being unemployed myself, one salary is tough to support my husband and I on right now, in our situation. My husband has similar attitudes as mine, but more of a liking for children - he just doesn’t particularly want to have any of his own right now.

I believe that some people simply aren’t decent parental material, though I think good parenting skills can be learned. Still, when you realize that you have zero desire to be a parent, why push against it and risk feeling exactly the same after birth, when it’s too late? People keep telling me “oh you’ll feel differently when it’s one of your own”, but what if it’s not? I keep wondering if many neglectful/abusive parents felt like this, or like they’d want one more because it was “someone to love me” and then the reality of crying and so on sets in.

Ah, don’t sweat it. At least you don’t have to sit at the kids table 'cuz you’re single and childless at family reunions. (And are over 30!)

dantheman- :smiley:

You won’t get much argument here. This issue has been brought up many times and most people will agree with you in that a person’s decision to not have children is nobody’s business and perfectly valid. There used to be a few people who would turn up and make the usual “selfish” and “you’re missing out” claims, but they’ve lain low on the past few threads.

People who try to tell other people they “should” be doing something in their lives - unless they’re related by blood, and even then probably not good - are kinda creepy, in my opinion. Not intentionally so, though; these people truly have good intentions. They want others to feel their happiness. <gag>

My cousin used to say to such folks, “Really? Oh! You’re talking about your brats? No way!”

I_D_B_B? Please. Don’t have kids.

I am missing something here. I constantly here stories about women (and men) being abused b/c they don’t have kids (by choice or otherwise). However, my wife and I married at 22 and had our first child at 29, and we never got any of this type of feedback from anyone. Never, not once, not ever, even from our mothers. What’s up with that? I wonder if the attitude of the recipient has anything to do with this? Local culture? I am unsure.

I didn’t start hearing “you should really have children” from anyone other than my MIL and FIL until after I turned 30, so I’m betting age has something to do with it in my case.

I Dig Bad Boys, thank you, thank you, thank you for this rant!

I’m 22. Female. I HATE children. Abhor them. Loathe the litte monsters. I would rather pull out my uterus with tweezers and eat it raw before popping out one of those little bastards. And I hate when people say that “You’ll want one someday” or “Just wait 'til your older, that’ll change” or “You’d miss out on the best experience of life.”

To me, having a kid at any age would ruin my life. It would not be an “experience” or a “joy.” It would be a total nightmare. I don’t ever want to have that kind of responsibility and control over another human life. (Now, animals–that’s a different story.) What absolutely pisses me off is not people telling me that it’ll change and one day I’ll wake up and magically I’ll want a baby. It’s that my doctor and gynocologist (or however you spell that) will not let me have my tubes tied. I can’t take the pill or any hormonal birth control, I’m “too young” they say for an IUD, and diaphrams aren’t that effective (and I’m not sticking that up there). So I’m left with condoms and spermicide as my only defenses against the evil that would be my spawn. GAH! All because I might “want a baby someday.”

Culture, there are exceptions to every rule. . . (I’m implying that you are the exception.)

Currently I’m dealing with the fact that my mom has now “decided” that it’s time for me (almost 28) to get married to my girlfriend of 5 years, buy a house in suburbia, and squirt out a grandkid for her. After years and years of telling me not to get married and fer chrissake not to have kids before I was ready.

My GF and I have been together longer than anyone we know, married or not, and we’ll do the formalities at some point, mostly just to get the insurance break. I want to scream at my Mom (hey - who doesn’t) for assuming she has a say in my life, and for her disapproval of my unwillingness to live my life for her. I know this is all petty and mean, but hey - it’s honest: I never knew my granddads, my kid(s)'ll never know my dad (died last month), because my parents got married so late in their lives. They instilled that in me. My mom can live with the results.

(sorry for the hijack - I’ve had a lot of vitriol I needed to direct at her - this thread fit)

Those damn heterosexuals, flaunting that heterosexual lifestyle! Shoving their lifestyle down your throat! Jeez, there ought to be a law!

But the kid’s table is more fun - especially now that all of us in our upper 20’s/lower 30’s who are unmarried and without kids sit there. We’re the kids - we just talk about sex now. And we drink. Plus, there are no more little kids in the family anymore - at least not unless somone decides to have them.
But my gripe comes more from those who want to know why I’m not married yet. But that’s a rant for another day (probably just after Thanksgiving or Christmas with the relatives :slight_smile: )

I don’t know that Culture is the exception. We were married four years before we had our first child - we were in our 30s. Our issue was infertility, but few people knew that - it wasn’t something we brought up to strangers. And I recall only a few people asking when the kids were coming - and it was far more often the great aunt types - not the soccer mom neighbors or the co-workers.

And ghahdi, you have a right to control your body - switch doctors. Although I can see where a doctor wouldn’t want to tie the tubes of a 22 year old woman, it isn’t uncommon to change your mind on the topic between 22 and 32 (not that I’m implying you would, just that a doctor has to consider you might).

Ghandi5569, I want to applaud you for your courage. So many people don’t realize until after they have the munchkins that they don’t want to be a parent.

You are smart enough to know yourself and your capabilities and limitations. You are to be congratulated.

And, IDBB, it may be just me, and it may be the persona you choose to project on the 'net, or just this board, but someone with the online name I_Dig_Bad_Boys screams to me “don’t have kids, don’t have kids!”