Yes, I'm *sure* I don't want kids, you moron...

The BBQ Pit
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<subtitled: A Rant In Two Parts>

OK…this rant has been brewing for some time, but today’s events have pushed me over the edge.

** PART I**

Why, oh why, is it that when I mention in front of a group of people that I do not now, nor have I ever wanted children, is there always one cretin in the crowd who immediately adopts that smug visage and says with all-knowing authority “Oh…you’ll change your mind when you meet the right person?” Why? Do I appear to be of unsound mind? Have I exhibited tendencies to make statements for effect with no thought or logic behind them?

To these people, I say this: SHUT YOUR DROOLING YAP!!! If I had any intention of changing my mind, I would not have pointed out that part about “not now, not ever”. That meant that I have no interest…not an inkling of desire. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Are these people stupid? Can they really believe that there is no one in their right mind who wouldn’t possibly want a child, that anyone who states that they intend to remaind childless is somehow only fooling themselves until that magical maternal instinct gene kicks in and that person’s brain will suddenly turn to mush, and the idea of giving up everything they’ve believed in up to that point will miraculously pivot 180 degrees? I don’t think so.

PART II

OK…now that I think I’ve made it sufficiently clear that I have no intention of having children…what the fuck is wrong with insurance companies that doen’t cover BIRTH CONTROL??? Is it somehow cheaper to pay for 9 months of pre-natal care, a delivery, and 18 years of coverage on a dependant than it would be to cover $100/year of preventive measures??

I just found out today that the oh-so-lovely new healthplan my employers have changed to as of 1/1/01 will no longer be covering my birth control. No birth control pills. No Depo-Provera shot. No IUD. Not unless the BC is “medically necessary”. Well, how about this? It’s medically necessary to ME that I do not have a child. Fuck you very much, Mr. Corporation.

To add insult to injury, not only can I not get birth control covered, but my ideal solution of just getting a tubal ligation is also closed to me. Why, you ask?? Because, in this insanely litigious society in which we live, there isn’t a doctor alive who is willing to perform such surgery on a 30 year old, unmarried, childless woman, because GOD FORBID I change my mind (didn’t we already cover this??) and then they’ll be sued for taking away my chances at having a baby.

If it weren’t for those stupid “no organ” rules on ebay, I’d be auctioning off my uterus posthaste. <sigh>

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It never ends. I do have a kid, but right now, I want him to be the only one. Perhaps that will change, but for now, we feel our family is done.

I’ve pretty much stopped telling people this because they either try to argue with me (that’s another rant) or tell me “Oh, don’t be too sure about that! You might change your mind!”

Well, no shit, I might change my mind. I might wake up tomorrow and decide I have a new favorite color and that I like the taste of spinach after all, too. Perhaps you also want to point that out now, so you can have ALL the bases covered in anticipation of being able to say “I TOLD you so” with that smug fucking look?

You might notice that I merely told you how we felt. It was conversation. I did not sign some ironclad contract with higher authorities which bound me to it. I did not take out an ad in the New York Times declaring my intentions. Thus, you do not need to barge in with the disclaimers and warnings. Step off, bitch. If it means that much to you, if we change our minds I’ll be sure to call you up so you can rush over with a big flea-bitten syphilitic crow and I’ll eat it right in front of you. Because that’s what you’re after, right? The chance to “be right?” The chance to prove you know, better than me, what’s right for my family? What my ultimate feelings will be?

whew Thanks for the opportunity to get that off my chest.

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I forgot to add, of course, that turnaround is fair play. When I’m 50, and Jadis is 50, and I still have one kid and she has none, may we bring over aforementioned crow to watch YOU eat it? If you’re going to gloat over how right YOU were (should things go your way), it’s only fair that we get to do the same (if god forbid we never see the error of our ways and actually stick to our plans).

4

Ahhh, yes. The ol’ I-think-I-know-you-better-than-you-know-yourself pile of crap. Yes, I don’t want kids and don’t want to get married and don’t want to live in a townhouse in the suburbs. Whats right for you isn’t necessarily right for me. Yes, this could all change. If it does change, I’ll prolly ask you to bite me and shut your yap hole. But because I know myself pretty well, I don’t think I’ll change my mind. And yes, birth control is too damn expensive, although not quite as expensive as actually having a child. And it’s damn near impossible to get a sergical proceedure to stop the ol’ reproductive organs if you haven’t had any children yet.

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**Jadis[/b[, the answer to why your insurance company won’t cover your birth control can be found here: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=30669

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Oh, crap. 675 posts, and that’s the first time I’ve ever messed up the code. Honest.

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Unless you’re a poor woman of color. I had heard anecdotally that the “rule of 120” applied only to white women and it looks like historically it is in some sense true

http://www.students.haverford.edu/wmbweb/writings/bbsterilabuse.html

This is the kind of injustice that pisses me off. If you’re white, fulfill your duty of keeping the race going but otherwise, we’d be happy to sterilize you. More of your kind aren’t needed. Arg!!

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I have encountered them too. i call them “The Pregnancy Patrol”. I absolutely despise this intrusive questioning.

“Yew want boy young’uns or girl chil’uns?”
“what do you mean you only have a cat?”
“But you are supposed to want babies!!!”
“Sho’nuff you gonna want some babies”

I encountered them at the nursing home I had my clincal training at when, everyone I had been introduced to asked me whether or not i had kids.

As if my uterus expired, like a gallon of milk.
I HAD to have kids, whether or not I could support them.

THIS makes me hate people.

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I feel sorry for all of you who don’t want kids.

Very, VERY sorry.

[sub]If you currently have your panties in a wad with this post, check here.[/sub]

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Honestly, I can’t BELIEVE that there are women who don’t want at least one or two or twelve children. Why, you’re not a REAL woman without them (genitalia notwithstanding!) :smiley:

Truthfully, my husband and I have one daughter and we’ve been trying to send her back for years! One day she’ll grow up, one day she’ll grow up, one day she’ll grow up…

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Add me to the list of “No, I don’t have/don’t want kids/yes, I’m in my right mind” list. I’ve started telling the nosy buggers that I can’t have kids. If they press for the reason I can’t (which they always do), I tell them I can’t have kids because I don’t want them. Conversation over, and they were lucky to get that much information about an intensely private decision. I really feel for people who physically can’t have kids, and are subjected to the same grilling.
I’m a 34 year old woman, and I haven’t had even a twinge of the ol’ maternal instinct/desperately wanting a baby feeling. A lot of people who do want kids just don’t get it that not everyone feels the same way as them. They have the urge; I simply do not. And it’s none of their damn business, anyway.

(Oh, mouthbreather, I’m not getting your post. I’m hoping sarcasm was intended?)

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As the mom of two very wanted and very loved kids, may I please say that I would like to stand up and applaud everyone who actually thinks about whether they want kids or not before reproducing. There are enough unwanted kids out there already, let’s please not add to the problem. If you don’t want kids, for gawd’s sake don’t have 'em!

But yeah, it never stops. Both my kids, as it happens, are boys. So I get asked if I wouldn’t like a little girl. I answer that I don’t want to get pregnant again. “Oh, you’ll change your mind! You’ll see!” :rolleyes: You know, I really don’t want to discuss how miserable I am when I’m pregnant with every busybody who happens to come along. Nor do I want to get into a discussion about the possibility of adoption while I’m standing in the fucking check-out line! And if one more woman tells me about how pregnancy should be the happiest time of my life! (particularly after being told about how I puked three to five times a day every bloody day), I will not be responsible for my actions.

gigi, what’s the “rule of 120”?

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According to the cite posted, the rule of 120 is a method gynocologists use to determine if voluntary sterilization is “appropriate”. Basically, you multiply the woman’s age by the number of children she has…if it’s more than 120, she’s a candidate for voluntary sterilization.

By that rule, a 40 year old woman with 2 kids doesn’t qualify. Neither does a 20 year old woman with 5 kids. And, in my case, neither does a 30 year old woman with no kids.

<sigh>

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Hey, Jadis.

I totally sympathize.

Don’t give up yet on the tubal ligation thing – I got my tubes tied when I was 24. And that was in Reno, Nevada – hardly a stronghold for women’s liberties.

It’s doable. Just keep trying.

Best wishes.

Jeyen

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First of all I’d like to say “why cant people mind their own goddamed buisness”! If someone dosent want kids what the hell has if got to do with them? I have two kids of my own and love them to death, but if you dont want kids, the last thing you want to do is have them, its hard enough having them when you want them! (did that make any sense? oh well onwards and upwards)

Second rant,
(I dont know how to do the qoute thingie yet so I’ll just repeat it)

Basically, you multiply the woman’s age by the number of children she has…if it’s more than 120, she’s a candidate for voluntary sterilization.

By that rule, a 40 year old woman with 2 kids doesn’t qualify. Neither does a 20 year old woman with 5 kids. And, in my case, neither does a 30 year old woman with no kids.

That really stinks! By my calculations a woman of thirty would have to have FOUR kids to be considered???
Here in scotland, they work it out by the age of your youngest kid. If your youngest one is over two, and your not TO young yourself they will usually agree. In my case they allowed my hubby to get the snip even though my youngest was only a few months old because I had been so depressed about being pregnant for a second time, (an accident). They reckon if a woman is going to get broody its usually when her youngest is around two yrs old.

Floodnak, I sympathise. I get the same question because I have two boys and yes I’ll admit it I would have loved a girl, but is that any reason to get pregnant? I think not!

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hey, crankyasanoldman, i mean this in the most respectful manner, even tho this is the pit. have you ever considered that by keeping your child an only child, you are depriving him/her of a relationship, an emotional connection, that he or she will never achieve, unless you grant s/he a sibling? my two brothers, altho i hated em when i wuz a kid, are more important to me now than anyone else, cept my wife. shared experience, man. you cant beat it. kay, ive said my piece. let the savaging begin. oh yeah, no kids for me and the wife. way too much bad protoplasm on both sides of the fence. and, i dont think i could bear having someone hate me as intensely as i hated my folks, when i wuz coming up. im a wimp that way. fortunately, i dont live in breeder land, so we never get that shit of which the OP speaks. of course, we also have to pay 1800 for a one bedroom…

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Oooooookay. So only children are less fortunate? BULLSHIT. I am an only child. I never wanted a sibling. Ever. Still don’t. I’m laughing now…after being called spoiled because I was an only child for years, now I’m being told I’m worse off than everyone else. shrug

And FTR? I don’t really want kids either. If I did have any, I’d probably only have one.

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Jadis, your insurance company sucks!

The last job I had also had that policy (gee, let’s see: law firm run by a bunch of old men). I call it sexist. There is a pharmacist in New Mexico or Arizona that is suing her insurance company/business for that policy, claiming it’s sexist. More power to her.

It just doesn’t make sense to me either, but I guess the short-sighted putzs at the ICs think it makes sense somehow. It’s offered as an “easy” way to reduce the cost of insurance to companies versus the right long term solution.

Have you checked with Planned Parenthood or whatever in your area?

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what the fuck do you know about it, falcon? you are an only child. altho it sounds like your parents didnt have another kid cuz they were afraid youd smother it or something…

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I’d had 2 unplanned pregnancies by my 21st birthday. the first time, I was in serious denial & didn’t go to the doctor until I was 5 months along. I carried to term & gave my daughter up. It was just wrenching. The second time, I figured out what was going on in time to have an abortion. I didn’t have anyone to talk to.

Because of what happened the first time, I just CAN’T have any more children. I just couldn’t deal with having a house & a husband & fixing up a room for the baby & dreaming about names & everybody telling me how happy they were for me. Not after the first time, my mother calling & yelling at me every day until I was in tears, my father not speaking to me at all, my friends not able to look me in the eye. I’ve just never felt so alone in my life. Everybody being so happy for me when I was doing it at the “right” (read: societally-condoned) time would make me too sad for the scared nineteen-year-old who really needed somebody, but who didn’t have anybody. I couldn’t do all that without feeling that I was betraying the person I have been.

So it’s just AWFUL for me when people ask me when my BF & I are going to get married & have kids & all. I just say that I’m in no hurry & leave it at that.