I suspect that this message board has a higher proportion of introverts than the general population does, if only because this is an introvert-friendly way of interacting with people.
Combination intro/extra. At such a party, I look for small groups of people. If I can find someone who seems all alone, I’ll try chatting him or her up.
It has, alas, turned out that he/she’s a total drip and is all alone for a damn good reason… But, more often, it turns out well. I like one-on-one conversations more than group gab-fests. If I don’t see a single individual, I’ll look in on a pair. Also (strange for someone who talks so damn much) I’m actually a pretty good listener, and that’s ALWAYS a good way to get to know people.
ETA: what actually goes through my mind is, “My next ‘best friend’ may be in this room!”
Interestingly, my wife calls me an “introverted extrovert”.
I’m happy in large crowds. Have no problem getting up and speaking in front of several hundred people. Can easily chat up complete strangers. Enjoy traveling with friends. Etc.
But I also need downtime, just to myself, every so often, to sort out my thoughts to myself. I enjoy going to movies (when we could do that) by myself. I’m happy to on a Sunday afternoon, to sit in a chair next to a window and read a book for several hours.
I am a extrovert and I would be a little nervous walking up to total strangers and starting a conversation. Now, as a SCA event of a SF con, you know they are like-minded so it’s fine.
I am not at all nervous about public speaking but I am nervous about say, singing by myself in fri=ont of a bunch of people. (I am a very good public speaker, I am not a good singer, altho I have a nice voice).
I am extroverted, to the point that I have to stop myself from being the annoying person who makes conversation on a plane or in an elevator.
To echo what other said upthread, when I walk into a room I expect there will be someone interesting in it, or at least an engaging conversation. People are generally interesting.
Honestly, I think your guesses in the OP were pretty on-point. The key difference between how I view parties and how somebody more introverted does is that there’s the thrill of novelty and adventure. My current boyfriend, and also my ex-husband, would typically suggest the same one or two people to hang out with on a weekend if we had some free time. I get bored with always seeing the same people.
The other thing is that I love attention, and I love being the one to start a conversation, or steer it in a particular direction. Most people at parties seem to be a little nervous and wanting another person to come up with a conversation topic, so when I swoop in and do the honors, people will tend to like me for doing that work for them, and I tend to like them for being gracious enough to let me choose what to talk about.
I think that may be a perfect example of how an extrovert sees the situation, as an introvert I’d prefer there to be as little “swooping in” and starting conversations as possible. What may pass for “nervousness” on my part is often just a desire to be anywhere else other than in a party small-talk situation.
So given that for some reason you’ve deliberately put yourself into a party small-talk situation, and haven’t made an exit, what is the most logical assumption to make in this situation? That you want to sit in the corner, play on your cell phone, and not be bothered until you decide to leave?
yes, that would be ideal!
I like attention on my terms, which is why I am great at presentations, and why I loved doing plays in high school, but I do not like having my privacy invaded. When playing “Truth or Dare,” I always pick Dare. I have no problem with being observed pulling some kind of stunt, or put in some kind of embarrassing situation as part of the game, because it was key the dare that it wasn’t self-revealing. I hated “Truth,” because it was too tempting to lie, then I felt guilty.
I don’t have a problem with message boards, because they are essentially anonymous. Screenname, and I can change the names of places and family and friends, for their own privacy, but it protects mine as well.
Fortunately, that’s usually pretty clear from body language, and it’s easy to leave such people alone. Most parties I’ve been to have “quiet zones” for just such people. Also there’s usually a TV on somewhere, and people who don’t want to converse can sit and watch.
You really think that people all go to parties to enjoy themselves.
This is so extroverted and victim blaming at the same time. How the fuck do you know why some introvert ended up being trapped at a party full of strangers? Some of my more horrible memories are of having just such an inexorable social obligation to fulfill without any way out. It is one of the most painful burdens of my life, in fact, because there is literally nothing I can do but lose. Either try to protect myself at the occasion (by retreating as best I can) and be labeled a pathetic selfish miserable wretch who can’t be bothered to rise to a social occasion, put on a rictus mask of false enjoyment and drain myself to the very dregs and take days to recover, stay at home and be labeled the first thing but in a more condescending pitying way, or – my most dreaded scenario – have a full on physical and emotional meltdown in public that involves crying hysterically and uncontrollably. Which also will be totally misunderstood by extroverts.
And you know what? There is NOTHING WRONG with introverts. We are not socially defective damaged extroverts. We are FINE. We just don’t like the things you like. We rather think of you as shallow distraction-seekers who live unexamined lives and are afraid to be alone with yourselves. We’re sorry we have to live in what has to be one of the, if not the, most extroverted cultures of all time, and be misinterpreted and judged and found wanting simply for being our frankly perfectly valuable selves.
So there.
nm///
True. I have an Aunt who is the extroverted version of me. She’s the kind of person who talks to strangers wherever she goes. She once went into this guy’s high-end pottery shop and started talking to him about her own attempts at pottery. I find it mortifying. I need to prepare for social interaction. When it’s thrust upon me unexpectedly, I get anxious. Which is why everyone who has ever showed up at a planned social engagement with extra people can take a flying leap. I wanted to have lunch with you, not you and your cousin who just flew in from Denver. She is the absolute worst about inviting random people into our plans.
Likewise, my Aunt thinks when I become taciturn that it means something is horribly wrong with me. I’m just comfortable with silence. I lived with her briefly in 2015 and she described me not unkindly, as a cockroach. Because I only came out at night and fled whenever the lights came on.
But I love extroverts. I don’t view them as shallow at all. Some of my best friends are extroverts - how else would I meet them? They took a genuine interest in me. They take all the pressure off of me and do all the work. I do find it horrible when they talk to strangers but that’s usually the social anxiety in me coming out. I love people. Give me one person at a time, though. Two or three at most. When I’m stuck at a party with strangers, I gravitate toward the extroverts. I trust them. They will know what to do with me.
Yes.
As an introvert myself, I have to stick up for the extroverts and say that there is NOTHING WRONG with extroverts, either.
Is it, though? A lot depends on your job and your family situation, but I find that I am able to spend a lot of time alone or with individuals I am close to; and that was true even before the pandemic.
My mom was like you. She was a very taciturn person whom it seemed pulled words out of herself laboriously. All her friends were very extroverted. They never seemed to mind how little she contributed to a conversation, they just happily bubbled away filling up all the spaces.
I was being nasty. I know plenty of extroverts who are not shallow. But none of them understand me, even though they try to. I inhabit a planet off to one side of the one they are on.
Yes, but they don’t need anyone to defend them. They are the dominant culture, and everything revolves around them and their pleasures and needs.
Our society for sure defines success by very extroverted standards. A sort of extrovert privilege, if you will. I’m lucky I found a job where I mostly sit behind a computer desk and write. I do have to collaborate with others but I know the others so well by this point that it feels very natural to me. There’s a huge difference between dropping me in a room with eight strangers and dropping me in a room where I know everyone.
It really sounds like this is waaaaaay more than just being introverted, if you need days to recover after going to a party.
Depends entirely on the party. I also have some kind of Chronic Fatigue thing that is exacerbated by stress, and stress is exactly what happens when things like driving to a unknown location, meeting a lot of strangers, being forced to look like I am enjoying something, knowing I am being severely judged by people who are already unsympathetic to me, constant noise, drinking, are all layered on top of each other A lot is about controlling my environment. I certainly enjoy my own parties, of friends, at my own house, for example. I do easily become exhausted these days. It’s a disability I live with, but my introversion is part of the … challenge.