It depends on the nature of the flirting, as well as the nature of the marriage. It could be that he knew the end was near for that marriage anyway. And it could be that the flirting was really innocent. There’s a woman in our office who flirts with me all the time. She winks at me and calls me hon. The thing is, she does that with everyone, including women. It’s just her way. It’s still clear to everyone that she’s completely devoted to her fiance.
On the other hand, maybe the guy is a philandering jerk.
But his intentions with the scarf are clear. He wants some.
I don’t see anything oogy either. He showed decorum in asking her to open it away from the office to make sure other employees would not think it inappropriate or get the rumor mill flying.
I however, have a bit of a dissenting opinion. If she was a highly valued employee, it might just be a personal gift that’s “not too personal” or intimate. He did not give her jewellery, for example. A buddy of mine left this company after 5 years. Although his stay was relatively brief, during his time he generated a LOT of income for the company and was highly regarded by both the VP and the president. As a parting gift, the President gave him a luxury watch (not a Rolex, but something comparable). He also gave him the paperwork for the watch and insisted my former co-worker get it insured.
The gift was most certianly not a “booty call” gift. The guy was just a very highly regarded member of the team and would be sorely missed.
Likewise, an indispensable kid who worked here part-time for the duration of her college years, got a kick ass set of luggage when she graduated university and quit her job with us to go teach overseas. She was the much appreciated jack-of-all-trades here, and could easily cover many different positions as she was needed throughout the office. It was all small scale stuff, but I swear, that student was one of the best employees the company ever had, and she knew the ins and outs so well that new employees in much more senior positions could always be comfortable knowing that if they had a procedural question, she could answer it.
So the kick ass luggage set she got for her trip was really, really, really high quality and over-the-top expensive (maybe even inappropriately expensive), but there is not a person here who doesn’t think she deserved it.
I think the gift was just very thoughtful and carefully selected. If it was an “I want you” overture, he probably would have added “I’d love to see it on you sometime.”
I’m not a guy, but most of the men I’ve known don’t give much thought to color coordination unless they’re trying to woo a girl.
The scarf might have been “oogy” if he had done it while she was still working for him and might have felt pressured to reciprocate even if she didn’t like him…but
since he waited until it was time to say goodbye to give it to her, I think it’s quite a classy and romantic move. I guess the stereotype about French guys is true. Hope it goes well for your friend.
Thanks for the responses guys; I showed her this thread and well, she’s now emailed him to ask him out for coffee when she gets back from Scotland (she’s visiting her parents there). So we shall have to see how this plays out. Fingers crossed.
gigi, from what I’ve experienced of my French coworkers, their notions about flirtation at work are the same as for Spaniards and Italians… it’s a perfectly fine thing to do so long as you get a positive response, it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s an interest in “follow up”. In general, people in those areas consider acceptable a lot of modes of communication which in northern climes would be seen as too emotionally loaded - so long as both parts are comfortable.
I assume the French legal company is actually in France (she opened the gift on the Metro – this would be in Paris?) Although we Americans (and, to some extent, Britons) tend to hear more about the liberal European attitudes toward extra-marital liaisons, the Continentals actually have a long tradition of non-physical love affairs. It’s something that Americans couldn’t pull off – either we’d get carried away and end up in the sack, or others would squelch the relationship with prudery and judgement. It sounds like your friend and her boss had a deep intellectual/romantic relationship that probably never went beyond the occasional touch, knowing wink and tender glance. They no doubt had a lot of interests in common and came to know each other well enough that he knew exactly what scarf would suit her and make her happy. Would that we Americans could manage such relationships; life would be sweeter.
Well I’ve met a lot of girls while I was in a LTR and thought to myself: "Wow, she’s a good woman and would make an awesome GF. I’ve never followed up on any of those thoughts because, at the time, I was truly smitten with my current lady. Besides even if I wasn’t, it’s just not cool to fuck around on your SO.
That said, there’s nothing wrong with maintaining a friendship with someone who seems to be a good person or someone you connect with.
I’ve also been on the flip side of that coin and completely understand.
So my vote goes for: Maybe he just wanted her to know she’s an awesome lady.
Can’t see the harm in that.
Hope it goes well for your friend.