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Ladies, if you are friends with a guy you’ve know a short time who you have no intentions of being romantic with, and he offers to buy you a relatively expensive gift, a) how would you interpret that? and b) would you take it?
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Ladies, if you are dating a guy, (less than a few months) and he offers to buy you a relatively expensive gift would you a) take it? b) give it back when you broke up?
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Men, what do you think of a woman who has possessions beyond her means that she received as gifts from a series of men who she either dated or wanted to date her?
I wouldn’t think anything of it; I don’t buy women gifts, so the only problem that might arise is her expecting me to.
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I would interpret an expensive gift from a guy " just a friend" as a sign he’s in love with me. I would never accept it if I had no intention of gettign romantic with the guy. The awkwardness and hurt feelings would not be worth it and they would spoil the gift for me anyway.
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Dating a few months? I would take the gift, yeah. If we broke up, I would offer it back, but I wouldn’t expect him to take it back. Generally, stores don’t take back a used gift abd they aren’t worth shit on E-bay. It is worth more as a keepsake.
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I’d think such a girl was popular. And materialistic.
I would feel uncomfortable accepting an expensive gift from someone I didn’t know very well. I wouldn’t accept it, barring some kind of extraordinary circumstances (like my mom’s dying wish is to fly to the moon and he offers to pay for it or something). Even then I dunno.
If I’m dating the guy and he is well off, I may accept the gift from him depending on how he gives it to me. (If he makes me feel that I should be impressed or obliged, I wouldn’t accept it.) I would only give it back if it were some kind of family heirloom (although who gives an heirloom away to a girl he’s casually dating)?
If he isn’t rich and he bought me an expensive gift, I think I might take it as a sign he thinks we are in a different place in our relationship than I do.
Since I can only answer number 3: At best she’s just popular, materialistic and naive. But, much more likely she’s a bad person who manipulates guys into giving her what she wants. I would actually try to set her up with a guy I know who plays the game the other direction, just to see what happens. They’d deserve each other anyways.
As for the others, I think expensive should depend on how difficult it was to obtain. I think one gift could be an anomaly, as long as it isn’t something traditionally romantic. I don’t blame women for not wanting to take it, though, as it is risky.
My first impression was to react negatively to the hypothetical woman but after further reflection I’ve changed my mind. Actually, buying presents for people you want to date and accepting presents from people who want to date you seems strange and demeaning for both parties regardless of gender. But if you’re talking about a series of men she dated? So what?
Couples buy each other presents. Shouldn’t the giver buy presents based on their own means, not their partners? If my last 3 girlfriends were a doctor, a nurse and a hospital food service employee, I’d have been buying them presents that all cost about the same. Then after we broke up, people would think nothing of the nice things I bought my doctor girlfriend but everyone would notice the expensive things my nurse girlfriend had and really wonder about how the cafeteria woman girlfriend was fleecing some dude.
Actually now that I think about it, a lot of the cheaper things I own were thoughtful gifts from women who couldn’t afford to buy the level of quality I’d have spent were I buying it myself.
- I wouldn’t take it, because it would indicate that he has romantic aspirations that I don’t share.
- It would depend on the gift and the circumstances. Chances are pretty good that it would weird me out, though. If I accepted it in the first place, I would probably offer to give it back if we broke up.
- That’s kind of weird, too.
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I wouldn’t accept it. Frankly, I’d be really uncomfortable with the fact that he even tried to give it to me. It would be quite the awkward situation.
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This would also be awkward if we’d only been dating a short time. It would probably make me worry that he’s moving too fast in the relationship. Of course, the situation may be such that it’s obvious he’s not, but that would be my first thought. If I accepted it, I’d probably give it back if we broke up assuming it’s something that can be given back (e.g. not a vacation).
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Knowing me, I probably wouldn’t even know they were gifts. I’d figure she was like many of my friends and running up credit cards or something. If I knew, I’d probably think she was a bit nutty.
Not to put to fine a point on it but http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59qR4kRdhLE
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I can’t say I’d be automatically be offended or weirded out, but I’m going to assume that it’s not for a birthday/xmas/other holiday and it’s also not something he knows that I needed and couldn’t afford. I’ve been in friendships with men who were making 6 figures while I was unemployed, and I occasionally took them up on offers for things that were needed but not inexpensive. Not luxuries, however, and nothing out-of-the-blue. THAT would weird me out.
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If it was a thoughtful and well-intentioned gift, and I thought the relationship was progressing, I would accept it with gratitude. I wouldn’t take it if I “wasn’t that into him”. I’m generally not into the whole, give-back-everything-they-ever-gave-you philosophy on breakups but, depending on what the gift was, it might be weird to keep if you’re no longer seeing him. Mementos are one thing; an xbox is another.
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I would look askance at someone who accepts gifts from people she has no intention of dating. I’d also wonder why she’s interested in advertising that so many of her nice possessions were gifts.
My thought on gifts, especially birthday, Christmas, and other expected gift day gifts, is, “If I’d have wanted one of those I’d have already bought myself one, now wouldn’t I.”
And that’s pretty much how I view buying gifts also.
- I would think it bizarre and inappropriate, to be honest.
- Considering that I scolded my husband for buying me small, relatively inexpensive gifts for the first two years of dating, I don’t really know whether I could accept large or expensive gifts from a more casual relationship. A lot of it comes from a self-imposed emphasis on independence where possible, and also the idea that I would feel like I’m being purchased with these gifts. It’s not that I directly equate the concept of expensive gifts in trade for companionship as representative of a prostitute/chattel/gold-digging position, but it just strikes me as inappropriate for a relationship involving me as the giver or receiver of gifts.
To keep all of this in perspective, I haven’t dated anyone for which expensive gifts were insignificant and thus a common part of courtship. I had a friend or two when I was younger for whom large expenses were an everyday part of life, but it was inherently weird for me to see them insist on paying for stuff a large portion of the time, regardless of how expensive it was. We initially got into arguments about how a bill would be paid, with me insisting on paying my half, regardless of how much it cost; I didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of their generosity.
a.) This is creepy. I can get uncomfortable when *good *friends buy me expensive gifts, let alone someone I barely know.
b.) I’d at least try not to. If the guy insisted, I’d probably take it to avoid giving offense.
a.) See (a) and (b) above.
b.) If he didn’t take no for an answer, of course I’m going to keep it. That’s what a gift is. (Note: The exception would be if it were some kind of family heirloom versus something he bought.)
Who are these gift giving men? I’ve been married twice, and have received very very few gifts from either of them.
My answers to the questions posed are:
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No. My answer is exactly the same as Cat Whisperer’s. It smacks of leading him on.
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This really depends on what it is, and how expensive, specifically how expensive relative to his means to buy such a gift with no impact on his own lifestyle. A cashmere sweater is to me a really expensive gift, but I’d have an easier time accepting that than a really REALLY expensive gift like a flat screen TV or a Washer and Dryer. Whether I would return it or offer to return t depends on how personal it was, and what state it was in. One of the nicest gifts I ever got from a boyfriend was a beautiful journal with handmade italian paper boards and leather binding. Gorgeous. But hardly returnable. Of course, on rereading I can’t imagine getting such a gift after just a few months of dating.
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As I get older I’m sorry to say I’m beginning to think that if I became aware of that I’d think, “Hmm, she’s clearly a lot smarter than I am.” Sure, I’ve got my pride and my integrity…but at this point I’d sorta rather have a washer and dryer.
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In my experience, guys only buy random gifts for women they want to sleep with, so unless the friend is gay, and I mean *really really *gay, I’d refuse.
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Depends a lot on the gift, and the context.
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I would not take it if I was just going to be friends. I would also back off a little and tell him I like you as a friend but that is as far as this is going.
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If I was dating a few months and it was looking long term I would take it. Some people like to buy gifts for the one they love and that is fine. I would not return anything other then an engagement ring if we broke up. Only an "Indian giver"would ask for a gift back… very tacky.
If you hate his guts and can’t stand the gifts you can just bring the stuff to Goodwill.
I would find it weird, and probably think he was trying to be more than friends. I wouldn’t take it even if I did want a romantic relationship, it seems like it would set up too many expectations (like if we broke up soon after, I’d probably feel bad for taking it in the first place, does he expect me to get him expensive gifts, etc).
It depends, really. If it smacked of “too serious, too soon” (like I know he went into debt to buy it, and seemed to expect more commitment from me b/c of it) then I wouldn’t take it. If he was, for example, wealthy and prone to buying expensive things anyway, and also didn’t seem to mean the gift as a “we must be serious now” thing, then I might take it. As far as giving it back when/if we broke up - probably not, unless it was something shared between us then I might not want it anyway. A gift is a gift - I wouldn’t expect a gift back from someone I broke up with.
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He’d want to get into my pants. b) Definitely no way in hell. Now, of course, if one of my two close male friends won the lottery, they’d buy me something really nice that I’d like (like, a plasma TV or a new computer) but that would be because of their excess means and because we’re friends. In that very odd situation, I’d definitely accept, and there’d be no weirdness at all.
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a) Yep. Have in the past. b) Nope. FWIW, we were in college and he bought me a pair of $200 boots and always paid for dinners ($50) and drinks (I like Crown Royale and Grey Goose because of him). It was a rebound relationship for me, and we both knew it. I had ample (if not better) means than him, but I was so emotionally messed up and he was so lonely (I was his first girlfriend - and to this day years later, only) that it just played out as him paying for everything. He didn’t ask for anything back, and but I would have paid him back if he demanded it. Discussing money too much squicks me out - I’ve always been of ample means, so I’d never want anyone to say I hadn’t contributed when they’d asked.
1.) No, and I’d be really weirded out. I mean, unless it’s, like, Bill Gates or something.
2.) I don’t know. I’ve been married, though, and I’ve dated once or twice, and no one’s ever offered to buy me an expensive gift. So I can’t say for certain. It would definitely be less weird than #1, though. Not by much, but by some. Again, I’m assuming the same period of time.
- I’d say no thank you
- I wouldn’t take it
- I think it’s a bit sad
I’m not materialistic so I don’t really want things. I’m much more impressed by grand gestures, actions rather than than things.