But I don’t have another commitment. Why would I lie to someone who asks me a question like that? There’s no pretence that we’re actual friends - we’re co-workers.
Have either of us invited the other to a social situation? Have we had lunch together? Know each other’s families? Done more than make acknowledging eye contact when we pass in the street?
Then isn’t the answer to ‘why don’t I want to spend time with you?’ fairly obvious?
I worked with someone rather closely…one day she changed her name. Yep, she got married and hadn’t dropped a hint about the wedding at work. I never asked - I was in a meeting where someone did ask and she made noise about it being “small.” But I really have no idea if she ran off to Vegas one weekend on a lark or had 600 people at a country club and “small” was polite speak for “I invited everyone I knew, except you guys.” And I don’t need to know.
All you are obligated to give is “no, sorry I won’t be there.” If pressed just say “colonoscopy prep” - they probably won’t ask questions.
There are certain requirements involved in living in a polite society. It’s just one of them. When one of your coworkers’ mothers dies, do you say “Oh, I don’t give a shit, I never met her”?
You probably do.
Well, what’s wrong with that, Zsofia? He’s just being honest. Why would he lie about something like that?
I’m really not sure what some people have on this board with having to be honest at the expense of being polite. Saying “I have plans” isn’t a lie - unless its a lie of omission. Your plans are “anything that isn’t going to your party.”
Very few people think its charming or admirable that you tell the unvarnished truth at the expense of people’s feelings. And maybe you don’t give a damn what they think about you. Which is short sighted. Not only are you being disrespectful to them, you are being shortsighted for yourself. Over the years, I’ve professionally run into the same folks over and over. I’ve been in the position of interviewing them - and I’ve been in the position of asking them to put in a word for me. I can’t say that the resume I saw with the name of a guy I thought was a jerk turned into an interview for him. Even short term, its way easier to get people to do tasks for me if they think I’m not a jerk.
I’m under the “don’t talk unless specifically asked” rule. I know I’m not going to invite them. I’m not going around spilling my guts about my cake just 'cause I’m excited. I mean, if someone asks me, “Are you getting excited about the wedding?” or “How are the plans going?” I provide a short but polite answer, like “I’m really excited. It’ll be beautiful.” or “The plans are going pretty well. Still have a lot to do though.”
There are times I’ve had to let my boss know about wedding related appointments for scheduling reasons. One time she changed the schedule last minute and I had an appointment with my seamstress to get the dress altered and I had to tell her about it. I had to take the time off for the wedding/honeymoon. I have a hair appointment three weeks before the wedding to get it cut and colored that I had to let her know about for scheduling purposes. Usually I try the “I have an appointment on such and such day at such and such time and need to be done by such and such time.” Then she presses to know what it’s for and all that.
I think I’ll start a thread asking for advice on this issue so I don’t hijack this thread any further.
Well, weddings are a little different than, say, a dinner party - it’s expected that you’ll tell people at work that you’re getting married. Obviously you shouldn’t be gushing on about your flowers to uninvited people, but there’s also that whole “work bridal shower” thing, which often has people who won’t be coming to the wedding, and that sort of thing. It can be touchy.
I have no idea what I’m going to do about work people if I ever do tie the knot. Obviously it’s okay to just invite my department, although of course you have to invite everybody in the department, but when it comes to inviting special friends from other departments, but not everybody… urgh. It’s like having a birthday party for a nine year old.
People at work can be pushy.
I’m single now - just dating and I RSVP’d for just myself for the big party planned for this Friday.
The party planner has asked me (more than once) why I won’t just bring someone.
I’m fine going alone. I wish she’d stop asking.