Okay, and that fragment decided to submit itself, so let me explain further…
I have a couple of friends with whom I am very physically comfortable. We grab asses, pinch, tickle, hug, and kiss. These men, of whom my lover is one, are all tall, strong men and I am a (admittedly) weakish woman. We are all perfectly comfortable with me slapping them, as an expression of amused annoyance - it’s the physical equivilant of “d’oh!”. I do not slap my friends when I am genuinely angry with them, because I don’t use violence as an arguement. I do not slap people who have not previously indicated that they will take it as a joke, not a control attempt. My friends do not slap me (or each other) because experience has established that, especially after a few drinks, they don’t guage their strength well, and people get hurt. People getting hurt is bad.
I would be heartbroken and guilt-wracked if any of my friends took either physical or emotional harm from my actions. But, the reality is, my group of friends takes physical liberties with each other because it’s fun, and cements our love.
The real, and tragic, existance of female-on-male abuse does not mean that EVERY bit of rough handling is either non-consentual or harmful. I think that the OP has every right to be concerned that her brother is being abused, and I think she should follow up on that. But I also think that the people in this thread who think that no one should ever be physically agressive - even with people they trust - need to remember that different people have different styles.
I think you covered the differences between what I expressed concern about, and what you do nicely, and I agree mischievous. I think many people do. We are concerned because largely “hitting” people in the situations described is an anger management problem. That is the difference.
*That’s not even covering consensual acts behind closed doors. *
Right, but I can see myself (in a mock hissy-fit) wailing “You didn’t take enough pictures of meeeeeeeee! You were taking pictures of heeeeeeeeeeeer! You don’t loooooooooooove me!” and slapping my boyfriend, to the amusment of all involved. A causal (and biased) onlooker might not know the difference.
What I’m saying here is, if your gut tells you that there is a problem, you should by all means inquire. But, there is not always a problem, and a man who is okay with getting slapped by his SO in public isn’t necessarily in denial.
Any updates?
Have you spoken to your brother, Chotii or decided on any course of action/inaction?
Have you heard of more physical stuff between your brother and SiL?
I called my brother about a week after I started this thread, and we talked about a mutual friend whose marriage is strange and clearly unsatisfying, and none of us really understand why she stays in it. Brother said “Well, when she’s tired of it, she’ll leave.”
If he knows that, then he knows it applies to himself as well. I don’t know why he puts up with his wife’s aggressioin toward him. But well…I guess when he gets tired of it, he’ll leave.
