I dropped a dime on my daughter's mom, yesterday.

The BBQ Pit
1

The last time my daughter’s mother took a poke at me, I called 911. I had been watching my daugher from her place while she was in hospital. She got out while I was subbing in a school, and before the daughter got home I went to retrieve my things. She lit into me with a bunch of crap, from not following her schedule to the minute, to being wrong for bringing over my own food, to being wrong for eating her food. She is impervious to reason or discussion of any sort. I summed up my position with a fuck you at some point, and she grabbed a coffee cup out of my hand and tried to bean me with it. I called 911. She has to realize at some point her behaviour is unacceptable. By the time 911 answered, I was able to tell them there had been a domestic incident, but that I had left the area and didn’t need a response. Sorry to have wasted your time. The dispatcher politely bade me to call back if I need them. I thanked her and hung up.

Why is it acceptable for a woman to hit her spouse, but a man who does it is automatically an abuser?

I’ve stuck this in the pit because I’m assuming some will disagree with my actions. I wasn’t in fear of my life, her ‘battery’ didn’t distress me much, she got messy with the coffee when she grabbed my cup, and barely connected with her feckless roundhouse. So why call cop? After a day in the Jr. High, I have a low tolerance for hitting. I left with her wailing to the neighbor’s “He’s calling the police, I’m going to Jaaaaaiiiil!!!” Well, I guess you do know you were wrong, somewhere deep down.

Now’s she’s coaching my daughter to say she wants to stay home, instead of going to a drum circle. She loves music, she’s a natural showman. This is wrong. It’s also the forth and fifth documented incident of this sort.

I’m seriously considering going ‘nuclear’, and filing papers.

Maybe more MPSIMP, but this was spawned off another poster’s thread, and I said I was heading for the pits. Mod call.

So, that’s off my chest. The call where my daughter says she’d rather not see me sunday was only about an hour ago.

2

[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]
The last time my daughter’s mother took a poke at me, I called 911. I had been watching my daugher from her place while she was in hospital. She got out while I was subbing in a school, and before the daughter got home I went to retrieve my things. She lit into me with a bunch of crap, from not following her schedule to the minute, to being wrong for bringing over my own food, to being wrong for eating her food. She is impervious to reason or discussion of any sort. I summed up my position with a fuck you at some point, and she grabbed a coffee cup out of my hand and tried to bean me with it. I called 911. She has to realize at some point her behaviour is unacceptable. By the time 911 answered, I was able to tell them there had been a domestic incident, but that I had left the area and didn’t need a response. Sorry to have wasted your time. The dispatcher politely bade me to call back if I need them. I thanked her and hung up.

Why is it acceptable for a woman to hit her spouse, but a man who does it is automatically an abuser?

I’ve stuck this in the pit because I’m assuming some will disagree with my actions. I wasn’t in fear of my life, her ‘battery’ didn’t distress me much, she got messy with the coffee when she grabbed my cup, and barely connected with her feckless roundhouse. So why call cop? After a day in the Jr. High, I have a low tolerance for hitting. I left with her wailing to the neighbor’s “He’s calling the police, I’m going to Jaaaaaiiiil!!!” Well, I guess you do know you were wrong, somewhere deep down.

Now’s she’s coaching my daughter to say she wants to stay home, instead of going to a drum circle. She loves music, she’s a natural showman. This is wrong. It’s also the forth and fifth documented incident of this sort.

I’m seriously considering going ‘nuclear’, and filing papers.

Maybe more MPSIMP, but this was spawned off another poster’s thread, and I said I was heading for the pits. Mod call.

So, that’s off my chest. The call where my daughter says she’d rather not see me sunday was only about an hour ago.
[/QUOTE]

I feel for ya. I don’t know what possesses divorced or ex couples to wreak havoc on their children’s lives by degrading the other parent. Some deserve it…if my wife divorced me and made it eminently clear that she didn’t give a shit about our kids, then that’s an issue.
But telling your kids “Daddy does this” or “don’t talk to Daddy/Mommy” just out of spite is one of the most reprehensible things I can think of.
Talk about collateral damage.
Whatever happened to “Sorry sweetie, Mommy and Daddy couldn’t make their relationship work, but we both love you very much and want what’s best for you”?

3

[QUOTE=FoieGrasIsEvil]
Whatever happened to “Sorry sweetie, Mommy and Daddy couldn’t make their relationship work, but we both love you very much and want what’s best for you”?
[/QUOTE]

Thanks for that, but Holly has issues like a circulation desk. She seems to have trouble distinguishing her preconcieved notions from holy scripture. Anything that doesn’t go exactly how she pictures it is a blasphemy.

But, to keep this pitworthy, In WierdDave’s original thread, I’ve gotten

a “Turn in your man card, it’s right there, in her purse along with your balls.” from someone.

If I were that ball-less, wouldn’t I have meekly taken it, and apologized. I’ve gone that route, and I don’t like the results. I guess the ‘manly’ thing would have been to decked her back. Yeah. I’m smarter than that. I’d consider that sinking to her level. I’m somewhat disappointed in myself for the ‘fuck you’. I try to either stay calm and reasonable in the face of her tirades, or laugh at her. Both of which infuriate her further. Well, actually everything infuriates her further.
So, I guess, Mr. Brando, If being a man means being what you are, I’d rather be queer.

4

[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]
Why is it acceptable for a woman to hit her spouse, but a man who does it is automatically an abuser?
[/QUOTE]
My inner male wants to call you a pussy, but my brain disagrees with it and overrides that decision. The problem is that too many people don’t let their brains do that, IMHO. It’s their fault for being idiots, not yours.

5

I had a similar situation, but it was my daughter who was the aggressor. Hounded me one night until I got fed up and threw a glass against the wall. Not at anybody and it didn’t break. She called 911 and I spent the night in jail. The missus didn’t want to get ‘in the middle’. A couple months later, my daughter fucking stabbed me. I was able to do a good block and dodge, but she still drew blood on my stomach. Wife didn’t want to get ‘in the middle’. When the cops came, they said ‘yawn’. I eventually got divorced. My daughter has gotten abused by every guy that she has been with since. I’m not at all suggesting that she deserved it, but when you are willing to do violence, violence is often the response.
You’re in a bad spot, but I urge you to stay the course; do not fight back, call the law and continue to take the high road. You may loose your daughter in the process, but it will protect her in the future and eventually she will see the light. Do get drawn into physical combat but do not let violence against you go unanswered. Fuck these retards that are questioning your manhood. They can go ahead and beat their wives and kids and suffer the consequences-idiots. For you, that would simply provide the ammo for your wife to drive a wedge between you and you child. Take the high road, but don’t take her shit.

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[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]
I’m seriously considering going ‘nuclear’, and filing papers.
[/QUOTE]

You should, even if nothing immediately comes of it. You’ll be on record as being the parent that involved authorities first, which may help if she later concocts something to try to turn those authorities against you. Just make absolutely absolutely sure at all times you can impress said authorities with how calm and rational you are and document as much as possible. If you can, get the name of a particular officer or social worker and deal with that one person as much as possible. Impress said official with your concern for your daughter and never never never exaggerate any of your ex’s actions because your best weapon is credibility.

7

[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]
But, to keep this pitworthy, In WierdDave’s original thread, I’ve gotten a “Turn in your man card, it’s right there, in her purse along with your balls.” from someone.
[/QUOTE]

What makes you think that was aimed at you? With a lack of quoting, it could be at anyone. I read it as being aimed at Dave, in the same joking spirit as his OP.

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[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]
In WierdDave’s original thread, I’ve gotten
a “Turn in your man card, it’s right there, in her purse along with your balls.” from someone.
[/QUOTE]
I dunno if I read that wrong in the other thread, but I thought that was directed at WeirdDave.

I’ve been the target of marital abuse, and I don’t think it’s any more acceptable for a female to hit a male than it is vice versa. I personally don’t think anyone should hit anyone unless you’re trying to knock them out of the way of a speeding bus.

It’s hard to say what to do in this situation. I think giving a report to the PD is a good idea, even if you don’t press any charges - someone mentioned that in a different thread. As **Bryan Ekers ** pointed out, you will then be on record as the person who began to document things first.

I don’t know how old your daughter is, but I believe she will begin to see throught the bullshit as she matures.

Good luck.

9

[QUOTE=

But, to keep this pitworthy, In WierdDave’s original thread, I’ve gotten

a “Turn in your man card, it’s right there, in her purse along with your balls.” from someone.

So, I guess, Mr. Brando, If being a man means being what you are, I’d rather be queer.[/QUOTE]

You’ve gotten nothing.
My response was for the OP not you. I never gave your post a single thought. OK?

As far as you rather being queer, I think that is an avenue that you might well explore because you seem somewhat confused.

10

[QUOTE=Sierra Indigo]
What makes you think that was aimed at you? With a lack of quoting, it could be at anyone. I read it as being aimed at Dave, in the same joking spirit as his OP.
[/QUOTE]

Bingo

11

Violence isn’t an acceptable way to handle our disputes, particularly in a relationship. No argument here, I watched a male relative deal with a domineering partner half his size who thought nothing of “playfully” slapping, punching and kicking him. Apparently greater body mass also indicates an insensitivity to pain. It was a great day when he finally saw the light and got out.

I’m sorry to hear about the horrible way your ex is using your daughter as a pawn, hopefully the steps you’re planning to take will end that.

[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]

So, I guess, Mr. Brando, If being a man means being what you are, I’d rather be queer.
[/QUOTE]

Really? It’s an either/or thing for you, huh? You can be “a man” or you can be queer, cuz real men aren’t queer/queers aren’t real men?

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[QUOTE=Queen Tonya]
Really? It’s an either/or thing for you, huh? You can be “a man” or you can be queer, cuz real men aren’t queer/queers aren’t real men?
[/QUOTE]

Thank you, I was wondering the same thing.

What kind of fucktard says such a stupid thing? You teach junior high? Niiiice.

13

– You know what, you don’t need to know all that (removed TMI content) I’ll just say this. –

If this is going to turn into a debate about the level of acceptance of abuse from females I’d have to encourage **The Sonoran Lizard King ** to go ahead and file whatever papers he’d be comfortable with. Go “nuclear” if you feel like it. I didn’t, and I really don’t regret that I didn’t. The less I’m attached to my ex-SO the happier I am, even if the attachment is only in the paperwork.

14

[QUOTE=Queen Tonya]
Really? It’s an either/or thing for you, huh? You can be “a man” or you can be queer, cuz real men aren’t queer/queers aren’t real men?
[/QUOTE]
Y’know, though I am straight, given a choice between a guy expressing how worried he is that his daughter will be fucked up for life by the psycho that is her mom and taking momentary offense at a slur that, in the greater scheme of things, doesn’t affect me to the slightest degree, I am SURE to jump on the latter.

Fuck YOU, you self-centered bitches. :mad:

15

[QUOTE=Sierra Indigo]
What makes you think that was aimed at you? With a lack of quoting, it could be at anyone. I read it as being aimed at Dave, in the same joking spirit as his OP.
[/QUOTE]

I realize that after having gone back after a few hours and checked on WierdDave’s thread. I assumed it was mine, in my pique. See, I had just realized I was hijacking his thread, so much had it touched a cord, so I trimmed and put most of it here. I came back to the original thread with my Pit hat on to the purse/balls comment.

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[QUOTE=ShermanAter]
You’ve gotten nothing.
My response was for the OP not you. I never gave your post a single thought. OK?

As far as you rather being queer, I think that is an avenue that you might well explore because you seem somewhat confused.
[/QUOTE]

My apologies, AermanAter. WierdDave’s thread struck a chord. I came back to that thread after putting the majority of my response here in the pit. So, I took it when it wasn’t mine.

I’m occasionally confused, but not about my sexuality. That line was remembered from a movie. Like a brilliant chess move, made two moves too soon.

17

[QUOTE=Sleeps With Butterflies]
Thank you, I was wondering the same thing.

What kind of fucktard says such a stupid thing? You teach junior high? Niiiice.
[/QUOTE]

I explained that it was a line remembered from a movie, but It was meant in a spirit of “Your definition of manhood is such a travesty that I no longer value your opinion.” Yes it’s crudely phrased, but please don’t attack the message for it’s phrasing. That’s typically… irrational.

I tend to stack up my ‘staircase comments’ in advance, for the proper situation.

That was a negligent discharge of wit.
So, it’s not so much I think there’s a dichotomy between real men and queers, but that I am siding against those who think so to the extent of gladly accepting the pejorative label.

See?

18

[QUOTE=dropzone]
Y’know, though I am straight, given a choice between a guy expressing how worried he is that his daughter will be fucked up for life by the psycho that is her mom and taking momentary offense at a slur that, in the greater scheme of things, doesn’t affect me to the slightest degree, I am SURE to jump on the latter.

Fuck YOU, you self-centered bitches. :mad:
[/QUOTE]

What the hell are you going on about? The “queer” remark had nothing to do with his daughter situation. He took a remark made to Weirddave in another post as an insult to him. He was WRONG. It was meant to Weirddave . Follow?
If that makes any of us bitches “self-centered” then I don’t understand how. So, double fuck you right back. Queen Tonya agreed and sympathized with the OP, so it appears you owe her an apology.

19

To everyone encouraging me to go ahead and file, thanks. It gets complicated. We’re both California residents, but the parenting agreement and paternity case (I sued her for paternity, she refused to put me on the birth certificate.) were filed in Arizona, and never transferred. We prefer it that way, but filing would probably trigger (or more likely, require) a change of venue, if that’s the right term.

But I’m probably going to. I’m thinking of asking for a civil standby, and going over there at 11am Sunday. That’s the normal daddy/daughter play in the park day. It would document her refusing visitation. Especially if the officers stood in the hallway, out of sight, when I knocked and asked if Emma was ready.

20

She hates you for whatever it was that made you divorce her in the first place. Nothing you can do can change it. Sorry, you’re stuck. :slight_smile: That’ll teach you to go around divorcing people!