Here’s the deal – my hubby loves motorcycling and he’s excited beyond words that Bike Week is nigh. I am indifferent beyond words regarding anything motorcycle-related. I don’t like to ride, I don’t care about looking at bikes and riders, I don’t wear leather, I’m just not interested. And my butt and legs get numb if I spend more than 10 minutes on the back of his bike.
I don’t want to force my preferences on him – in fact, I have no problem at all with him going to Daytona. I’d like him to befriend other biking enthusiasts and go have a good time. I’m trying to hook him up with some coworkers who ride. He feels guilty (he says) doing stuff without me. I feel guilty causing him to miss stuff he likes, even tho I don’t demand that he spend his every moment with me.
So, how do I make him understand that I don’t mind him having interests that don’t include me? How do I get him to go have fun on his own? How do I tactfully tell him that I enjoy having time to myself when he pursues his interests? Or am I wrong and should I grin and bear it and let him buy me the damn chaps??
For the record, we have a shared passion for sailing and we spend a lot of time doing boat-related stuff. So it’s not like we have totally separate lives…
This is a great question to bring up, FCM. One I’ve been thinking about for a while lately.
Here’s how it is with psycat and I: I always want to be around her. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, but I especially want to be around her when I’m doing something that I think is cool(even if she doesn’t like it). I can recall one specific occasion that happened recently. I was doing some “man stuff” on the truck. Basically, I was under the truck, drilling through the frame to put on a trailer hitch (to tow our Macgregor 26X coming in April. Woo hoo!) Working on things like that is something I enjoy and think is pretty cool, and I wanted to hang with her as I did that. Obviously, this wasn’t something that psy was totally into, so she hung around a bit, talked to me about it a little and then said she was off to do her own thing inside. I was a little bummed that she went, but glad she checked it out and showed a little interest.
I think that’s a good compromise. I think people who love each other want to share what their interested in with each other, although one may not be interested in it. What I wanted, in that case, was just for psy to see what I was doing and show some interest in it. Sure, I would have loved if she got really into it and wanted to help, but if we were exactly the same, things would get boring pretty quickly.
I think, in your case, you might want to listen when he tells you about the motorcyles. Maybe take a short ride with him down to the store or burger joint. Maybe stop by the garage when he’s installing something, just to let him know that you want to take some small interest in it because it’s what he likes and thinks is cool. I don’t think showing someone that would warrant you taking the trip to Daytona with him though.
Well, tell him pretty much what you said here. “Go have fun, I’m a happier camper away from the bikes and you’re a happier camper with them. We live together and as long as you come home, it’ll be great. Besides, I can [insert hobby of yours he’d rather miss] and control the tv remote while you’re gone. Hugs, kisses, have a great week, take pictures and tell me all about it. I’ll be taking daily bubble baths.”
While you are telling him this, if you could also remind him that if he wants a 19 yr old blond on the back of his bike, you know of a college student in Pittsburgh that would kill to have the oportunity to play with bikers… He’d still have a buddy to take with him, and you wouldn’t have to worry about your butt going numb, I’d be happy to take the discomfort for you…
Funny you should mention this. I just got off the phone after fixing him up with a group going down on Saturday, and he said: “Maybe I should get a girlfriend.”
btw, he’s 44 - does this qualify as a mid-life crisis?? <snicker snicker>
Well I’ve got three bikes, live only a few hours from Pittsburg, I’m going to Daytona, and you will not have to worry about your butt because I HOPE to have my Russell seat here in a few days. Oh wait, the wife is going with me, sorry. maybe some other time I could come up and give you a ride.
As for the OP tell him you’re not really intersted and that’s that. I tell my wife when I don’t want to do something or have lost interst in something so she does it herself.
He knows I don’t like it much, but he gets this sad puppy-dog face…
Am I gonna hafta resort to… er… favors?? Wait - could this all be a ploy of his to get… er… favors?? hmmmmm
I wish I had better advise for you, but I never had that problem. Mrs. Bdgr like bikes as much as I do. I actually found a wife that likes the smell of motorcycles and grease. When we first started dating, she had never been on one before, but took to it like a duck to water. She’s been in two wrecks (both times with my best friend on his bike), and both times jut laughed it off and got right back on. She doesn’t get to ride with me as much anymore since we got a kid, but she still does anytime we can find someone to watch the kid.
If you think your husbands bike is uncomfortable, my ole BSA I was riding when I met her had a little thin P-Pad for a passenger seat…It was all of about 4 inches wide. My current bike has a wider seat, but it’s a rigid(no shocks).
That said, you shouldn’t do anything that you don’t wanna, but I can understand where your husbands coming from…To me, one of the best feelings in the world is riding with her with me. We used to go everywhere on the bike, and I really miss that now that we have a kid, and grown up responsabilities.
I’ll be nice and not say any thing dirty. I’m not too sure what my plans are for the spring/summer, but Pitt is only 4-5 hours away at most. I know I’m most likely doing a tour of US highways this summer so it might work out I’d be in the area so I’ll let you know. send me an e-mail or something.
I guess this means I don’t get to meet you at Bike Week after all. bummer. Sometimes I wish my wife didn’t want to go with me everytime. I still have to put a carb on the Panhead for her to ride next weekend (The flaty is ready to go). Well, if you change your mind and wind up going, give me a ring so we can meet up. I’ll be at the Iron Horse Saloon on Saturday afternoon the 10th.
ETH, You gonna be there all week? **Uncle Bill/b] was going to try and come up the last weekend. We need a couple more DoperBikers to have a real dopefest. I promise I won’t bring a camera! Anyone intersested in a get-to-gether at Iron Horse send e-mail.
hflathead - our inlaws are coming to visit next weekend, and hubby wants me to drive them down to experience Bike Week - so I may wind up there after all. If so, I’ll call…
Well, hubby went yesterday alone - I had to work. He came home with a sore butt, a new helmet, some presents for our daughter, nothing for me (sigh), and lots of stories. He’s there again today with a group of guys. I’ve planted veggies, done laundry, and I’m taking my daughter to see the high school production of Phantom this afternoon.
I truly hope he finds a regular riding buddy in this group he’s with today - his closest guy friend died a few years back and he’s not really made any other friends since then. Of course, if he starts hanging out at biker bars and dumping beer on my t-shirts…
Just hope he gets home before the t-storms hit this afternoon…
You could buy him a solo seat for his bike – that would both let him know it’s OK with you for him to go alone, and keep him alone, if you’re worried about that.
Have you ridden? No, not as a passenger – do you ride yourself? You might try it sometime. Not on his pride and joy, at least not the first time. You might really like it, and then you could get a Sporty and ride together.
I’m not too sure what my plans are for the spring/summer, but Pitt is only 4-5 hours away at most. I know I’m most likely doing a tour of US highways this summer so it might work out I’d be in the area so I’ll let you know. send me an e-mail or something.